seriusly concidering killing myself..

I don't know what to do anymore. I'm constantly thinking about killing myself and how the world will be better off without me. I feel like I'm not significant to society in anyway.

About a month ago, my girlfriend admited to me she was bulimic, she confided in me so much, and then when I helped her find help, she pretty much pushed me aside and now I rarely ever hear from her. I realize she has a lot on her mind but.. I just wish she'd notice that I'm right here.

The relationship has been a bit rocky at times. She broke up with me last year because she wasn't sure if she wanted me or not. Then she decided she did and we got back together. She told me I was who she wanted to spend forever with, and how she wanted to marry me. And now... now she doesn't know what she wants again.. so it's ripping me apart.

I don't know if I'm depressed or have anxiety or both. I constantly worry about things. Relationship, money, work, family, friends, I worry about it all. I even feel some fear when going to new places with people I don't know. I try to avoid confrontation as much as possible.

I just feel like no one wants me around anymore. I feel like no one cares.. and that when I'm gone they all will still continue not to care.. My girlfriend.. I love her so much. I want to always be with her, but I had hoped she wanted the same with me. I keep worrying about losing her or that she'll run off with another guy (I've been cheated on a lot in past relationships so I've grown accustomed to it).

I just don't know what to do anymore, I've been so tempted to just take a knife and start cutting myself. I feel like if I'm dead I'll be free from all my worry and all my pain. I want help.. but I don't know where to go, and I don't have much money. I definately don't want to ask my family or anyone to help me financially. But I do want to get better... not just for her, but for me.

But deep down I can't help but think how nice being dead would feel.

I know that it probably won't make you feel better to hear this, but I know exactly where you're coming from.

I know that the feeling follows you around, won't let you smile, makes even the best things feel like a fraud and a waste of time. I know that it feels like your friends don't care, and that your family cares even less. I know.

But please don't give up. Don't give up, because...well, because those of us who struggle with the same thing every day don't want you to. Because people who SURVIVE this kind of pain are an inspiration to us all.

I promise you that if you think, really think about it, there is always someone who wants to listen to you, whether it be a friend, a doctor, a therapist, or even the supermarket checkout girl (lol). Just tell SOMEONE, and I promise that it will help.

Hey,

There's a good point made there: Those of us that suffer depression too do not want you to kill yourself. We are with you despite not knowing you in person. Rather, we know you as yet another soul who is suffering in the world. But stay here and we will all be that tiny bit happier that you are still with us my friend.


I've also been cheated on in the past so I understand your frustration on that note. Also, my last two girlfriends tried to kill themselves. The first one overdosed and was puking into my lap one night. She was in the psychiatric ward the next day. She then cheated on me with another guy who subsequently killed himself after they broke up. My next girlfriend overdosed on about 90 mixed tablets and had to have her stomach pumped with charcoal to neutralise the effects. Hell, she would have died had I not called the ambulance for her.


Sorry, that's irrelevant but I am depressed too and have contemplated suicide. Just please REALLY try to get out of this. There is a way to do it but y ou have to be open to trying.

Chucky is right, don't kill yourself. We all feel considering "death" an option all the time. You must be a good person if you helped your gf. She's lucky, and she realize that someday that you cared and loved her. We all need you to try to help yourself and we want to be there for you to help you as well. Don't give up! I haven't. You found a new friend. Talk. I'll listen...... We all will!!!!!!!

I just don't know what to do.. I constantly worry, i constantly have a fear of losing her. Even though she says she isn't going to leave me. I just still fear her abandoning me.. I love her, and I want her to be the one that I'm gonna spend life with.

Lately I've just lost my desire to do the things I used to do. I have no motivation to persue my career.. I don't even know what I'm doing anymore. I keep worrying about work, relationships, income. It's making me crazy. I constantly feel like everyone hates me.. I just feel so lost.

Thanks for your support. It sounds like you guys have been through so much worse than I have though.

Do you have close brothers or/and sisters? What about your parents? If you do perhaps you can talk to one of them about your situation(s). You need positive thoughts entering your life Hituro. Prolonged pessimism is not good for the human brain.


With regard your girlfriend, I might be able to offer some insight as to her thoughts. You see, I am bulimic too and during roughly half of my binge episodes everything in the world seems hopeless. Indeed, I care for nothing during that time, not even the people I love. So, this might explain why she appears cold to you at times.

My brother has mental illness, and well, we never really were that close to begin with. As far as my parents, I can only really talk to my mom about things.. but I don't know if I can talk to her about this...

I made a doctor's appointment for this week. I've delt with depression before in the past and my doctor helped, but I guess I just didn't really take care of it the way I should have.

You've made a good move by arranging the appointment with the doctor. At least that will give you a sense of control over your current situation.

I have had most of the same thoughts and feelings as you describe. I had them for a long time. I'm grateful that I did not kill myself. Eventually, my life turned around and it has been good for a long time.

You describe what I've been told are feelings of abandoment. I used to feel and still do some days that if I do not watch myself everyone will leave me--and I will be totally alone forever. I work hard at everything to make sure that I am an acceptable person--have something to offer. I do not feel I'm worth much without having something to give--money, help, advice, etc.

At least today I have not thought of suicide and have not gone back to drugs. I found a lot of help in self-help groups like ACOA (adult children of alcoholics) and CODA (co-dependency anonymous).
Good Luck,
Jim S

'Hanging in there' like you have done Jim is something that is tough but is essentially what we must all do when things get very bad in our lives. Once we have decided to hang in there I believe that things can only go up. This is because it is then that people usually seek help (After they have decided that they will fight).


And, you know, it never seems like it at the time but the support of a family, friends, or therapist is a great thing to have. Here, I am speaking retrospectively of my own life.