seriusly concidering killing myself..

First pray, second relax. Get inside of your body and relax naturally.
Know that God or our creator has given you life. Since you cannot remember your origination (prior to birth) What makes you think you have some authority regarding your exit? I have had suicide attempts. But after the last one, a very close call by the way, I realized it's simply not all about me. I do not own the keys to that door in other words. Not too long ago I totatalled my car one rainy night. NO ONE was injured. It was truly a miracle, but in that instance nothing hurt, nothing mattered at all anymore, not the divorces, not the ailments, not the poverty, loss of my car, unrealized dreams, joblessness, failed purposes, or minescuole disapointments.
I knew I had a choice to make again and again, and that choice is life. That choice is pressing on, get numb if need be, but don't be afraid to just feel your pain. It won't even go away till you do. It will not destroy you, but if you do not ease up on yourself you will destroy you. Being sick with depression is a dangerous way to live, and completely prefferential. Are you addicted to your negative thoughts? How about unpleasant circumstances, or emotional pain?
It's your world baby! But it's not up to us when we come and go.
If you seek a thing though, you will find it. What about those deffered dreams that you are hurting over? What about disapointments you can overcome and inspire others with?
Crazy is as crazy does. Attempting to end ones life is just crazy.
Feeling like it, obsessing about it, having anxiety??? NO BIG DEAL.
If I can't 'shut it off-I go to the hospital, but God is with me, and let me remind you God is with you. But I don't really think God is digging you snuffing out the candle that is your life, that he himself lit.
I can't see him going there with you on that one, and that's a lonely place for real. Have gratitude for what is, release what is not. There are so many dynamics to this life, once you chose to remain in the present for a change. God bless