First post, feeling down.

*this is a mouth full of problems I'm sorry
First of all i'm just going to say I've never been diagnosed with depression and I'm not yet in my 20's (and wont list my age) but I've had many many periods of time where I've felt very alone and very sad.

I'm just going to address my problems of lately in hopes that someone can help me out.
Christmas I spent driving my drunk mother home who told me she doesn't think she will live through her breast modification surgery and was crying. Personally my mother has always been ridiculous and after the divorce 4 years ago has acted like a child, crying around my brother and I, dating immature men and spends her time texting, on facebook or out partying in ridiculous costumes with her friends.

Another thing about my holidays to touch on. In the past 5 months I have met someone who I feel I am obsessed with. He is a Marine and 2 years older then me. He is very nice and extremely hilarious but because of the marines, i'm guessing, we don't talk much. He is always on my mind, and I wouldn't doubt to say I'm infatuated but I can't help giving him up. When I first met him we became very intimate way to fast but I don't regret any of it. Now that he is gone and we don't talk I feel like a piece of my heart has been ripped out. My best friends who are dating 3rd wheel me and I can't help but think about when he was down with me and I was never that third wheel.

Now lately I can't stop feeling alone and I feel like it is my fault. I refuse to hang out with many people because I just get upset around them. And my best friend has been to busy with her boyfriend to hang out with me. And the only man I want to hang out with is so far away from me and distant in general.

I've been so sad lately and eating more then usual and I guess it just kind of sucks when you contemplate suicide on Christmas and new years eve.

I'm not really sure if I expect anyone to reply but it would be nice.

Well done for joining here, I hope you get something useful from here. Personally, Im familiar with the depression and suicidal ideation, so I'm sorry to hear you have had to go through that I guess I am best able to comment on the second half of your post, about this guy you are dating. Honestly, I've recently experienced a similar feeling of meeting someone and feeling very intense towards him. It sounds like your contact with him is unpredictable and fluctuates, which isn't likely to help your 'obsessions' with him. Is there any way you can organise somewhat regular contact? Do you think he is distant because of his work, or do you feel he has become emotionally distant? I guess I'm querying this because it might help people understand your situation, and better help us provide more appropriate advice and support.

Take care.

Thank you for the reply. I just think a lot of it is being a marine takes a toll on him and I have talked to him about having fluctuated contact and he says sometimes its just hard for him to talk to people he misses which I can understand and another thing is he comes home after working and just wants to sleep to and since I have no experience in the military I just do my best to give him his space. Though when he does contact me and when he is affectionate it makes my world. He is taking some leave time soon so I will get to see him but I think i'm just having a hard time adjusting to a long distance relationship and since I haven't had many serious things with guys as well its a lot to juggle I guess.

Hi angelsandcats, I am glad you are here. This is a place where people can connect. I think I was in a similar situation though I am much older than you. The problem for me was wanting to be "connected", to "belong", to receive attention, acceptance, affection... The lesson I learned is action/behavior speaks much louder/truer than words.
The Marine gave you attention and affection you needed. Sex is a method of connection - feeling loved. But it can be just passion, not emotional intimacy, not commitment. The later takes time to develop. That could be in process - only you know.
You do not seem to have connection with your mother - based on what I read. You haven't mentioned your relationship with your father, or if you have any siblings for support, connection, belonging. It seems you are very much alone.
Be careful when you are lonely and vulnerable and someone comes along who gives you the attention you need (we all need). Sometimes it's easy to accept the first someone instead of the pain of being alone - but is the Marine the right one?, and should you be "committed" to him or dependent on him so quickly? Watch out for unspoken expectations. Are yours and his aligned?
Just a simple observation, you picked someone, the Marine, who is unavailable, just as your mother is.
Be careful - your heart is vulnerable. Protect your heart - take your time - keep your options open.
Are there any social outlets near you - clubs to join?, dances?, single friends not dating?, friends to just talk with or go to a movies with?
Know the values and traits you want in a partner, not just what becomes available.
Let us know how you are doing. (((hugs)))