feeling like things can't get better

i came to this site looking for help with my social anxieties related to a taboo sexual attraction. i started posting on the paraphilias forum, trying to explain to people how hopeless i feel, because i can't open up to people. i'm afraid if i try to form connections with people, they'll figure out this one aspect of me and not be able to see past it, and decide i'm some kind of monster. but soon after i started posting, someone accused me of being dangerous. this was exactly the kind of treatment i've been terrified of. when i tried to resolve the misunderstanding, they accused me of lying, and insisted that i "actually" did mean that people should go breaking the law. this began affecting my life and my relationship.

the whole reason i've never sought help for my problems before was my fear of being treated as though i was a danger. but since i've been in a relationship, i've felt a lot more need to get out of this feeling that this is all my life can be. but to be mistreated like this every place i go for help just makes everything worse!

if i had been feeling like this a year ago, i think i might have tried to kill myself. but now i'm in a relationship, and with someone who has also expressed feeling suicidal at times. i feel like i can't bear another 60 years of this, but i have to because i can't stand thinking what it would do to her.

i don't even know what the point is of posting this. i'm not in danger of killing myself or anything. but i guess, i kind of wish i could? i don't know. just the thought of spending the rest of my life hiding, trying to distract myself with movies, only being able to be myself with one person; it seems like a prison sentence. and it feels like i've locked her in with me.

i'm sure people are just going to call me a monster here too.

I don't think you're a monster. In fact quite the opposite, I think its terribly brave to admit something like that, to not only to recognise it and admit it to yourself, but to have the courage to admit it online, well done. People often make such comments because they are close minded.

Best wishes.

my post has been edited. i'm not allowed to talk about the thing i need help with. which is that.

When I first read this post I felt bad for you; no one should be made to feel bad when trying to get help for their problems.

I read the thread though, and it's clear that you weren't trying to get help. You think that your desires are okay, and that it's society's responsibility to change to accommodate them. You refuse to accept the importance of boundaries and you think society is wrong for having them. You want the boundaries lifted so that you can explore interactions with those who are in no position, mentally or physically, to have those interactions with you. This isn't about you. This is about them.

What's worse, you refuse to consider any other way of thinking that doesn't agree with your own. It's not the world that needs to change, as much as you believe it is, it's you. You need to talk to someone about your problems, and you need to be accepting of what they tell you.

That's actually really important because I'm afraid you are dangerous, so I'm going to repeat that. You need to get help. You need to be open to changing who you, and you need to stop rejecting society's views as wrong. The boundaries are there for a reason and you need to start to consider that.

And please don't try to argue with me about this. You are never going to change my mind.

that's it, i'm done. you people are evil.

*removed by mod*