Major/Minor Depression? Supplements and thoughts?

Hey all.

I'm trying to figure out what's going on at the moment, and part of this is hopefully to help me think a bit more about "why" I'm feeling the way I'm feeling, as well as hopefully getting some input from others.

I'm diagnosed with Aspergers and Social Anxiety. Recently, about a year ago, I had surgery where I was put on something called Tramadol, which is a pain killer that has some SSRI-like effect. While taking it, on some days anyways, I noticed that I feel "more" than when not on it. Unfortunately, Tramadol has a lot of side effects that I want to avoid. Basically when conversing with someone else, she mentioned that this dullness in feelings was a sign for her that she was depressed. I'm unsure of how long this lasted for her.

Upon really self exploring, I found that I really rarely know how I "feel". In general, the best way I can describe my mood is "meh". I wouldn't classify it as happy or sad so much..just, less. A month ago, or so, my cat passed away. This didn't seem to affect me in an outward appearance way, to be honest I wasn't sure how I should feel. I cried for a grand total of a few seconds through the whole thing (and was right there when she was euthanize). But...shortly after this incident, I noticed my anxiety shooting through the roof, and I felt what I could best classify as horrible, most days than not. It was a strong sense of emotion, that I couldn't really tie to a particular reason. I went to see a psycharist to go over this situation. In general, he said that I may have some mild form of depression, and increased anxiety and suggested I contact him if things don't improve, but in the mean time do talk therapy.

I haven't done either, I kinda believe I'm not really being listened to during our conversations (and to be honest, I have a very hard time describing feelings in general, even if I can identify them internally). I've been reluctant to go with the talk therapy because I kinda go about trying to solve things on my own, when I see a problem that is...it's hard to accept help from others.

So this kinda leads to a bit of a personality thing for me. I don't do well with unorganization, so I kinda need to know what's going on with stuff. Even worse, or maybe better depending on one's viewpoints, I am continually trying to perfect stuff. I don't know how to really put it...but in my life, I need to make sure things are consistent, in a known way, with little randomness. So at home, I know where everything's at. I communicate very little with people outside work and immediate family, and with even those I do my best to minimize the communication. It's not that I dislike them, it's just my need for human interaction is far less. So maybe that explains why I'm a little hesitant to do the whole therapy thing maybe. Right now, I think I'd be happy, if I was able to take a week where I didn't have to interact or even see another human for the full time. Unfortunately, that's not really possible if I want to keep having an income.

Which leads me to what I'm doing now. Since I've been having a general sadness/dullness for about as long as I can remember, emotionally anyways, I've been looking at natural remedies to try and combat it a bit. I've been taking Sam-E for about 2 weeks now, and it's helped a little (upped from 400mg to 800mg a day just a few days ago), st. johns wort (just recently started), exercise, cutting coffee out, etc. Overall, I've seen a bit of an effect, but it's been up and down a bit.

As I was saying, I'm seeing a bit of change, but it's up and down at this point. Today, about 2 hours ago this started, I hit a significant "down". And, significant down for me, to define that a bit, isn't suicidal. It does mean I don't really care about life a whole lot stay alive, though.

For reasons for at least the sad part (I don't know what causes the just life indifference/meh feeling), I've tracked at least part of it down a bit. I may have to address that thing to make life easier, I don't know...perhaps it has something to do with just being very busy lately and feeling like life is too complicated and chaotic. I do believe I am forcing myself to do too much, which causes me to stress out far more than I really should..and since I've been forcing this for so long, I kinda forgot how to listen to myself...my inner self, and what I want. Now here I am trying to figure out what's going on.

Any thoughts on this would be helpful..specifically help on the supplements situation. Maybe I'm spending so much effort/energy in trying to optimize the level of serotonin in my brain, which is causing me to be depressed because I ruminate so much (I ruminate a hell of a lot...really really a lot....trying to make everything ideal)