Please help?

I've started feeling like I'm living in a dream since I was 10. It stopped for about a few months last year then it started coming back and this year it started getting worse. I cannot even remember what I've done two days ago, and every other days for these past few weeks. Whenever I remember a scenario, I would get confused about whether it really did happened or i am just imagining all of it. I have problems interacting with people now, I've been isolating myself at home for the past few weeks, totally no socializing at all. When I'm out with people, I would just totally zoned out and totally felt detached from my surroundings, as a result I don't even feel the need to interact with anyone anymore. I don't feel connected to what has happened yesterday or even just now, it felt like it wasn't even me who did all those thing and my memories of what has happen a few hours ago already seemed so blurry and I can't really remember what I've done and when I tried to, my mind would just blank out. I think I'm going insane. Yesterday my friends invited me to go out and I was going to until I suddenly felt really anxious because I couldn't get my hair right and I broke down and took some pills out of impulse and started crying and laughing at the same time and my brain was racing and I kept talking to myself, hitting myself and all those stuff and everything were just so blurry and it doesn't even felt like I was the one doing it. Anyone who has witnessed that would have totally think that I'm insane. Do you guys think this is symptoms of depersonalization? Thanks.

It really sounds like you have a really boring or non full-filling life, and apathy more or less has taken over.

I mean unless you can prove to yourself you didn't actually do what you remember, then it's really not a dissociative problem. I mean technically, you can be disassociated from your physical actions, but you'll more or less know that something actually happened. If you don't then don't get anxious about it, as there is no point crying over spilt milk, so to speak.

If it helps at one point in time people had convinced me that in my youth I had been beaten and absued and I searched my memories really thoroughly until I though maybe it could have actually happened. Then I realized it never did, so that was very "dreamlike" to me. I accredit it to good visual processing and an active imagination. More along the lines of creativity, rather than a problem. I was never really anxious about anyways, as what happened in the distant past is largely irrelevant to how I challenge myself these days.

Maybe you just need to go outside?

Here, this is pretty good too...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WsUaQUW-Az0

Hi aerith,

I can relate to how you feel. Sometimes the depth of what we really feel is simply beyond description and our language just falls short. And then if when we reach out for help and get dismissed, it is as though doom itself descends upon us.

It does sound related to a dissociative disorder. These things seem to be just a little different in each person, but with many similarities. It is a constant struggle.

I can say that it can get worse the more we dwell on it though. I am guilty of that too. I know it is hard to hear that. When people would tell that to me, I would think something like, "Well if your hand was on fire, try and ignore that. Maybe not dwelling on it will make it better."

Anyway, talk to people like us who understand. Get your mind focused (as hard as it may be) on something, anything. Of course if you have a full panic-attack you will not be able to focus during that time.

Find out what your triggers are and avoid them. Meditate. Talk. And believe there is light at the end of the tunnel.