Is this DPD or my personality?

My post is maybe quite long, I hope it's okay I'm a girl and I'm 18 years old (well, soon turning 19), just for information.

Approximately since one year ago I've been experiencing what I believe to be depersonalisation and a few months later I found out what DP was and that's how I found out what it was (I know that I can't diagnose myself, but I'm almost sure).

Since then, I've started thinking and observing myself a lot. And I thought of a lot of things I kind of connected to depersonalisation, symptoms I've been experiencing even before DP, some of them the whole life. The problem is DP makes me really confused and I also don't know which "abnormal" symptoms are really abnormal, what is just my personality and what is caused by DP.

One of those things is that I've never liked anyone. And I mean even my family. I don't really even know them, if you asked me to describe their personality, I wouldn't be able to say much and nor things they like or dislike - and they are the people I spent my whole life with. They feel a bit like strangers. I don't dislike them - I feel kind of... neutral. Like I don't even care. I've never thought about it until a few years ago. But I accepted it and even was happy for it - well, I think I still don't want to change it... because I'm shy and don't understand relationships. Life is much easier for me like this. I don't lie to people that I like them, and I do like helping people, I just can't feel anything towards them. So I don't think I hurt anyone if I live like this. I do feel sympathy or antisympathy sometimes though. Actually, when I started watching programs with celebrities where they show their personality, I was able to like the celebrity, for their personality and so on, but it's not the same, is it? I just wonder, is it possible that this is because of DP as well?

Then I've been wodering... I remember that when I was a child, I experienced this feeling from time to time (I don't know... a few times a year, maybe not even that? not often): it's very similar to déjà vu (which is not considered a mental disorder), it comes suddenly, lasts for a split of second, is very weirs like déjà vu. And the feeling is that I feel like it's not me, like I'm not really here. A split of a second. Because I was familiar with the feeling and always considered it perfectly normal, just like déjà vu, I didn't think there was something wrong with me at first. Because a year ago I started noticing that I've been experiencing this quite often. At first I didn't think much. But then it grew more often and it lasted a bit longer and this is not normal anymore because it was too often. But my question is - is the split-of-a-second-long feeling normal? Is it something even healthy people experience from time to time?

I have DPD also, but I don't see what the point is in attributing certain qualities to the disorder. Does it matter why? It doesn't change anything. If it makes you feel better, I've never particularly liked my family. I just sort of tolerate them. I've been like that before DPD too.

Feeling nothing is part of it. I personally don't feel sympathy towards people. I do for animals, though. I'm not sure what you mean bu the deja vu thing. "..feel like it's not me, not I'm not really here", that's basically the definition of dpd. I feel like that 24/7. And you say it only lasts a second? I'm sort of confused about this.

Thanks for reply...

Well, yes, ever since I remember, I've been experiencing the feeling just like a few times a year (or just... really not on regular basis or often) and it lasted for second. But then I noticed I've been experiencing it for example almost every week and somehow then it became almost every day. I know that most people who have DPD feel like that all the time, that's why I wasn't sure too. But I've also noticed I became a bit apathetic. And now I do feel a bit dull and detached all the time, but not to that extent. I still have those "sudden feelings", that is. It's weird.

Well, my DP set in slowly. I'm not sure the difference between drug-onset DP and non-drug onset, but I've never done drugs. Mine set in very slowly, over a few years. Not exactly the way you're describing it, but I'm sure that could also happen. My apathy affects my driving and everything I do, really. I drive extremely recklessly because I couldn't care less if I live or die. I know some people who have DP still get occasional feelings. For most of us, it's 24/7 though. I guess you should just count your lucky stars that you have them.

Okay, thanks. I've never done drugs, either. Also there was no stress around the time it started. But I read it can come without any particular reason. Well, if the sudden feelings are not normal for anyone, then I probably had dispositions for it since my childhood, that's also why I was asking about that.

I'm glad someone replied, and I also feel a bit less confused now I've written it down somewhere... because I've never ever told anyone about it. I guess I should just stop thinking about it so much and distract myself with something before it gets worse.