Please help!

My name Is Jayden and I am a 21 year old male currently dealing with DP/DR.

I've had DP for over a year and a half now (it's constant 24/7), and I am not sure of the exact cause of why it happened. It could have been accumulated stress, I just finished my first year of college and it was pretty hard, I started working a job I didnt like, and I was a late bloomer to so I went through some physical changes I guess after high school. I woke up one morning and noticed that things didn't feel right.

The DP/DR is tough to live with but I tough it out. Now here is what my problem has been for awhile now.

About a year ago (6 months into DP/DR) I really started fearing developing schizophrenia. It all started off when I started getting pure-obsessional harm thoughts (harming someone you love, when you know you wouldn't act on it). For some reason that made me think I was losing it. Then I started researching endlessly, which probably fueled the fire. I then started fearing hallucinations (and to this day I dont think I have had any). Having DP you realize how self observed you are, so every little symptom worries me. So of course I worried if I saw something in the corner of my eye or heard a quiet noise because I would have to prove that it came somewhere. The biggest source of my anxiety now is fearing the delusion part. And I really don't like talking about this part because it makes me think that I really am developing SZ. Maybe it's because I have read examples of paranoia and delusions and have a wild imagination, but my mind started creating these kind of thoughts. So I have had intrusive thoughts that have a paranoid theme to them. Do I fully believe or act on them, No.

But I am worried that having constant DP/Dr, anxiety, and now these kind of thoughts that soon I will lose my grip on reality.

Can anyone relate?

I can kind of relate.

I can relate to the fearing of becoming "Crazy". I know I'm not schizophrenic, and that doesn't scare me (whereas I have other fears), but I have always feared I'm just "Crazy" or going crazy. When I was a kid, I feared that because of the dissociation episodes (and lack of knowledge at the time on the subject) that I might have had alzheimers lol, but I rationalised with myself that if I had alzheimers, there was nothing I could do about it and so was able to get past that. Try saying to yourself, "So what if I have schizophrenia?" write down what's the worst that could happen if that is the case and then rationally make up a list as to all the negative aspects of obsessing is doing to your life and all the positive aspects of NOT obessing would do in your life, then every time that thought comes into your head confront that fear, "So what?", you could carry cards around listing the negatives of obsessing, and positives of NOT obsessing on you so that every time one of those thoughts come into your head, you can confront the thought with why you will refuse to entertain that thought.

Have you seen a psych? Talked about your fears? Had help from a psych in regards to the obsessive thoughts? OCD can do that to you too you know, I have OCD, and the obsessive thoughts which can cause compulsions if you let them, can be overwhelming, but seeing a psych about it would help. OCD can cause someone to fear obsessively that they are going to harm a loved one (when they know they wouldn't in a million years), or any number of things. I used to obsessively worry about my kids every time I'd drop them off at school that something might happen to them, an accident and that I wouldn't be there for them in their moment of pain. It was crazy, it would go around and around and around in my head all day long, and I had to restrain myself so many times from ringing the school to see if they were ok. The thing with obsessive thoughts/compulsions, is that controlling them through forcing yourself to confront those thoughts/compulsions and refusing to give into the thoughts/compulsions are one of the ways to get better and get rid of them. There are certain things that I used to struggle with so much in regards to the obsessive thoughts and compulsions, but now have mastered them so that even though I get that thought popping into my head that used to compel me to do certain things I refuse to entertain it.

Talking with a psych will help you clear up rationally the issue of you fearing you are schizophrenic. Once they tell give you the answer, arm yourself with that information, and every time it pops into your head, refuse to entertain that thought. If you think you may have seen something out of the corner of your eye, don't glance over to see if you are halucinating or not. Like you've said, you don't think you've halucinated, so don't allow yourself to entertain that thought and refuse to look when you think you might have seen something etc... It's hard, I know, I struggle with the obsessive thoughts myself, but it is possible train yourself to not entertaining those thoughts. But seriously, a psych will be able to help you deal with the fears, obsessive thoughts and the DP, so please seek help.

Hope that helps.

You don't sound delusional to me. Just scared. Stress can do that to you too. Depersonalization can be very frustrating and stressful to live with, you can start to think you're crazy when you're not.

*Hugs* You sound like you are dealing with a difficult situation and doing your best to deal with it the best you know.