Humans

Thanks Partial.
ive done so much damage with the theories as to why this happened and am fused with so many beliefs about what happened to me,
that undoing the damage is going to be so hard.

After a while ( about 2 years ) the DR there was like a hybrid state, where i was still able to feel, but still see things in this biological way, almost like i had to rewrite experiences, that had been devaluated, into what i knew it should look and feel like...
does that sound crazy?

I still had the constant obsessive thoughts in my head about defining my DR experience ( didnt know it as a condition, i thought i was cursed or something), but i became able keep at bay, ignore and even sort of make a "life" out of it. kind of like accept it as "reality".

But there was always a great sense of loss and ive never really felt in the moment since, ive been a spectator of my life since..
But i managed.
The only times i really felt in the moment was either during sex, or during intense emotions, like anger and fear.
At times i did feel like i was "back in the world again".
Not sure how to describe it, but it felt like all the chaos in my mind just stopped, and everything aligned again, i called these moments of clarity..

It wasn't until recently that i had a trauma again, went through a hypochondriac phase.
2013 was all about being obsessed with dying again of this and that...
(too much google)
Even to the point had moles removed from my back.
Anywho, towards the end of last year i relapsed again,
what was kept in the back of my mind came to the front again.
it almost seems to be a defense mechanism..
but im in the worst of it now, alongside depression, with Pure O OCD.
If it wasn't for the imaginative definitions i gave to my experience back when i was 19 it would be allot easier, i just fused with too many," what ifs" about what all this means for the last 14 years that i feel all messed up now..
Seeing a psychologist again. doing ACT.

I wouldn't worry so much as to the cause. I don't even know what happened to make me like this. Healing takes a while. Have you talked to a therapist? They can often be a wonderful way to find clarity and understanding. If you're having anxiety issues that can cause dp/dr as a coping mechanism. Have you talked to a doctor about this?

yea im seeing a psychologist, with PHD.
Shes awesome.

But i feel like understanding it will set me free.
and the more i think about DPDR the more its beginning to make sense.
for example:
is looking in the mirror or photos and you know its you, but your mental image and what you see in front of you arent the same, is that DP/DR?
Going through photos in general of anyone really kicks in the biological perspective, because of it being inanimate?
things like that?
So many questions..
If i could replace the fused/self destructive theories in my head about my experience with what it is that is actually happening it would be a great sense of freedom, i can begin to heal and accept.
I just hope i can find them here..

-- Tue Apr 22, 2014 11:34 am --

yea im seeing a psychologist, with PHD.
Shes awesome.

But i feel like understanding it will set me free.
and the more i think about DPDR the more its beginning to make sense.
for example:
is looking in the mirror or photos and you know its you, but your mental image and what you see in front of you arent the same, is that DP/DR?
Going through photos in general of anyone really kicks in the biological perspective, because of it being inanimate?
things like that?
So many questions..
If i could replace the fused/self destructive theories in my head about my experience with what it is that is actually happening it would be a great sense of freedom, i can begin to heal and accept.
I just hope i can find them here..

Yep that all sounds right for dp/dr. Especially

AGalwaysme wrote:is looking in the mirror or photos and you know its you, but your mental image and what you see in front of you arent the same, is that DP/DR?

It happens to me quite a bit.

Even understanding it hasn't help me, actually it's made things "worse" (I see more symptoms I believe, not more symptoms appearing) I'm glad you have a T, that's always very helpful.

From what you're describing you have alot of DP/DR symptoms, would definitely say talk to your T about it all and ask her for help healing. (sorry if I'm not being very helpful, kind of fuzzy right now )

dont be sorry, youve helped allot!

I find comfort in believing that im not the only one.
Anything would be better than the things i made myself believe..
Coming from a religious background only amplified the Obsessions.
And that is what im seeing the T for.
The thoughts my lovely imagination came up with to "define" my DP/DR experience were quite destructive, and i am cognitively fused with them.
So im on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy,
Basically mindfulness of thoughts, and "freeing" myself from my mind, where ive basically been sitting for the last 14 years..
Knowing i have DP/DR and not some psychotic disordered mind might not get rid of the symptoms, but it can help me realize what it is and what it inst.
And i can find peace in that, rather than believing in something my imagination conjured up..

Ah okay, I' glad you find it helpful .

If you have any more questions feel free to ask! I'll do my best to answer them .