I think I might have derealization.

i've been in an online relationship for 6months with this girl.And I go plan to see her this coming february in 2012.I've been making plans to get married(I plan to move to the US from Pakistan to be with her,that's like 8000miles away,and quite amazing if when you think about it,we've been together for like7months..that's like half a year) and everything,we're almost hitting the 7month mark.The thing is,We've had alot of rough patches and near-breakup points due to our arguments,but we're slowly getting better now.I think I might be giving too much information,but I changed my religion for her and everything.I never used to think of any other girls or anything like that for a while.I loved spending time with her,and still do,but only when she's around. I keep analyzing how I feel and viewing things in third person almost 24/7.. even right now.I'm thinking of how you guys would respond to this,and i'm feeling quite bodyless.As If it's on automated mode.There's this voice in the back of my head..and I have random blackout moments where I derealize(possibly) myself.This happens almost every 10 seconds.I can't holdout for long without thinking anything or hearing that voice in the back of my head,or feeling derealized for a bit.So like,this all started when near one of our arguments,I was completely stressed out,I was trying to hold myself from thinking of "leaving"..as I had never done that before,or thought of it.It was THAT stressful,and I was completely in love with her and cared for her so much.I was the one always hurting her with my past,but we've finally overcome all those problems,together.We tell each other everything,we don't lie to each other..<I used to lie to her somewhat in the beggining...i can't believe that I used to do that right now.So yeah,we fixed everything.and now we're slowly getting better.
However this all started when I first thought of leaving and being with someone else.. my mind collapsed with guilt,I know she would never do that.I kept telling myself.. "you only thought it... dont worry you only thought of it..you didn't do it,you can go back.."<This was to the point I almost vommited.. after that we've had alot of arguments and both of us thought of leaving and got somewhat distanced from each other during the arguments.However..We both got hurt,however her love for me is still strong.. We promised to never care of what others thought of us.I used to feel so hurt whenever she almost broke up with me,once I almost thought of suicide,and felt pointless,,but she always took me back even though I was the one who hurt her(I never cheated on her,we just tell each other our every thought lol,and I had to tell her about the girls.I wouldn't stop feeling guilty if I didn't,and I still tell her everything).I felt guilty..and in order to feel better about myself i made up excuses.. inside my head.. and I kept thinking "she's the one who's wrong" and eventually this was the thing that lead into so many arguments.At one point of our breakup,I thought of having sex with females OTHER than her.. and no we're christians so we won't be having sex till marriage.. This almost made me puke,and I was disgusted,I was so guilty... the guilt ate away at me for even thinking these things,I was so stressed.and at one point somewhere I think I probably snapped.

Now basically,things are slowly getting better between us,and I told her all of this and the Derealization thing and she's supporting me with it,I asked her to learn about it with me.However
I've had alot of anxiety lately.. I can't stop worrying about cheating on her(what if I do).. What if I don't really love her?. What if I hurt her more?. What if I can't do this? What if my feelings are gone?.what if i fall for another girl?(IRL).. eventually lead to me even ditching my friends,even GUY friends..I Was like.. "what if I enjoy spending my time with them more" and at the time I still enjoyed being with her,alot,and I still do,I just don't feel like myself... though.I used to want to be "Popular" or I liked being the center of attention,or feeling powerful,I was also really kind,I'd like to think so.And being popular wasn't all what I thought it was ,I never wanted to be popular,I just wanted people who'd understand me,I used to go look at popular peoples fb profiles when I was bored.. never really thought about it much..i never wanted to be one of them before now.and when I found her,i completely stopped caring about that.But now i'm like.. "what if I want to go to parties" "What if we're too young" "what if its for the best"what if we can find someone better""what if we need to spend our youth time doing fun things".
Even though I completely realize that.. It's FUN,to be with her.<well was..i can barely feel any emotion anymore.
So eventually.. I felt like I stopped caring.. i was like.. "Do I not love her?..." and the thought sent shivers down my spine..I kept talking to voices in my head,or I kept hearing voices in my head..giving me "what ifs" all the time,and I was fighting it for 2months now..but I snapped or something..I felt like something was wrong with me..My thoughts were always in a dream-like state.
I would always be thinking of being somewhere else while being somewhere else.
At school I would think of being with her,and with her I would think of some random things in school..
and I think I also developed a phobia.. particularly of not being myself.
I keep asking myself if im being myself and I hear voices in my head 'yeah you are' telling me what to do,but I don't feel like myself at all.It feels like i'm living in someones else's life.. and all my memories seem to be in third person,I remember them all,but all of them are in third person.I also just keep thinking in third person except occasionally..and whenever I see a female,or I feel like i might not be being myself..or i do something i think she doesn't like... I ask myself "do I love her".and whenever I see a girll.any random girl.even on the street or someone I don't even know.Just any random stranger,I panic,I'm scared of talking to her.. and I keep dwelling over "what ifs" i look at the possibilities from third person and I'm so scared.and I feel guilty and I feel like vommiting.my head rejects these what ifs to the best I can..however i'm not able to feel anything..I just observe and act according to how other people are behaving..it's like I don't even know myself..When I see them like..cheerful and all.. I BECOME cheerful.. I get sucked into the atmosphere when I normally never got sucked into it...and whenever I talk to someone else.I question myself everytime,whenever i see another human being,I dwell on it.whenever I see anything,I dwell on them.I tell myself not to care but I can't stop dwelling on other people.. I don't seem to be myself
So my question is.
Can I be myself again?.and if so,will my feelings/normal self return?.I wish I could return them before february(thats when I see her for the first time ,i'm so looking forward to it..i think i am).

My imagination seems more real then my memory..

and whenever i'm online now,I look at it in third person and go like.. "pfft I'm just sitting there staring blankly at a screen" I dont remember how I felt during that time..I know how I felt,but i don't remember any feeling.I don't see the screen,I see mysef looking at a screen.I see myself in my memories.so kindly help.

I asked my girlfriend to help me read through all this too and she's going to ,so I try to make her understand..and she feels like it's her fault,when it really isnt.I just want to make her and myself happy.She said . "i'd be happy ,if you'd be happy" so i'm doing just that..
I tried running 2km yesterday,and my legs hurt like hell.. lol but she was what kept me going.my thoughts of being happy with her..even though I Was in a daze,more aware of my surroundings then myself..viewing myself in third person.I kept saying "i'll get back to normal" and kept going.

So I need advice.I'll go for my jog soon.
and I need to study as well,so I can eventually move to the US permanently in around 1-2years.Even though I say this < this is my goal.and I want to feel normal,so I can achieve it.

Hi, Saleh! About those intrusive thoughts, you could take a look in the OCD forum too.
You are the one who will decide what to do with your life, it's going to be ok, no matter what thoughts pop into your head.
When you feel derealized you could try to ground yourself and take in your surroundings, talk to someone and do something, maybe it'd help you feel "real". Have you ever thought about telling a psych doctor about this?
Your gf sounds like an understanding person and you're both lucky to know each other.