Therianthropy and Me

Well, I'm not exactly sure if this is the correct forum section to post this, but it's the closest thing I could find. Here goes:

I am a therian, or at least I feel I am. I envision myself, spiritually and psychologically, as a dog. Siberian Husky to be exact (I wouldn't just call myself a dog if I didn't know which breed). Sure, I'm a teenager, sure, I'm a very psycholgically shaken teenager (what with emotionally scarring aftereffects of a scandalous coming-out of the gay closet to my parents attempt). Still, I think my opinions and perception are structurally sound enough to be taken seriously. Now back to my main topic. Of course, as with all therians, my sense of solidarity in my claim is hazy, seeing as how it's not something that can really be PROVEN. No, I don't bark, or beg to be petted (although I absolutely LOVE it when someone scratches my head or ears <3), or howl at the moon. If it's any consolation, I do have quite the knack for befriending any neighborhood canine (although I'm not so inclined to attempt getting close to a dog with bared fangs). I also understand the psychology of a dog. I understand their needs, wants, joys, pains, and emotions are. True, all of this information can easily be discovered through hands-on observation, but I feel a deep connection. Now, as for what stems from my psycholgy being different than other humans is that I tend to end up picking someone apart, mentally stripping them of their actions, notions, and defenses; understanding how they think, and scrutinize upon whatever problems they possess, if I am ridiculed or called out on one of my own faults (I'm a tad defensive, you see. I could've been a guard dog in a past life). I always look at society as an outside observer, trying to understand just what exactly is it that I don't get. I don't get so much that goes on between us humans. The constant pushing of trends, fashion, oppression, ostracization, shunning, vindictiveness, and religion. So very much excess, no? I, to a slight extent, hate my humanity. I know I'm smart, I don't delude myself to think otherwise. I say this not out of arrogance, but simply stating a fact. If I wasn't smart, then I wouldn't be so widely recognized as a guru for all things of a consultory or problem solving nature. I understand I have a level of perception that many people couldn't fathom, but I can't stand the complexity of human life (and a teenager only experiences a small fraction of this). I would take no greater joy than to become a simple mutt and roam without any care other than survival. Sure, I long for companionship, but humans require so much more effort to develop relationships and carry far too much baggage. If you raise a pup, or even a seasoned old dog, then they will love you no matter what views, beliefs, desires, feelings, or baggage you have. The perfect life for me would be to be the beastly companion of some learned explorer, to travel the world and experience it's many wonders, at their side, and to love and protect them with all my heart for the rest of my days. To be a dog is to know purity; to know all-encompassing love, solace, devotion, and loyalty. I have a long-standing lone wolf complex that prevents me from intimacy, which is odd, given my preternatural desire to be social and make other people feel better. I have no truly close friends and no one to really talk about MY problems with. Maybe all that ails me is simply my lonliness, but I won't go off on a tangent. I feel I can't create a relationship with another person in the way I truly want. I feel so isolated, cold, and chained up inside, like I will feel that I'm worth anything, or will ever mean something to someone. It's like I've become so very much wrapped up in my human existence, in all of it's excessive pains, that it's started eating at my core. I feel like I'm becoming a rotten, fetid, empty shell of a being and I hate it. I literally feel like waste, by which, I mean a heap of fecal matter. I am lost, hopelessly lost. All of this could be what results in my possible delusion of being a dog, providing escape from the realization that this is all that I have and that's that. I could be speaking merely out of a childish need to cling to innocence, trancendentalism, and escapism. If you deem it so, then I won't tell you otherwise, because you may know something I don't. However, I would much rather be playing in a grassy field than argue over the premise of my beliefs with another psychologically chain-clad human who most likely wouldn't have room to talk. Now, I realize that I may sound a bit childish in my notions (which is good, since I'd much rather cling to chilidlike innocence and purity than be a stuffy douche), but my intent is pure and, as I see it, righteous. I want to say, not so much that I'm less evil than a human, but more that I'm not bound by the limitations of what 15 billion people tell me. I cling to the notion that my heart is free, filled with pure love, devotion, loyalty, solace, purity, power, and most importantly: warmth. I hope that you understand what I'm talking about and not just view me as a human boy, but simply as an entity; without physical or mental labels.

Hi, StrayDogJohnny! It's ok to talk about your feelings and perceptions here Welcome to the forum!
Do you feel like you're a dog all the time (as in, is it always on your mind), or do you slip into those thoughts during certain circumstances?

Thanks for the encouragement, jasmin As for the question; it's just an all the time thing. It's not like I'm thinking about it every waking moment (######6!!!) I mean, do you put much thought into the fact that you have fingers? (that is assuming you havent been born without arms or been amputated and developed otherworldly toe dexterity) Sure, I've got a few quirks that come off as canid. Examples of which are: ears pricking, (not-so-humanoid) growls and yelps in response to appropriate stimuli, excessive amounts of body language, penchant for meat-eating. Despite this, I know I'm still a human, eventhough I've taken up a few dog habits. Those mannersims are mostly confined to when I'm alone, and even at that, I don't do anything excessively animalistic like marking my territory (with urine, anyway) or not bathing (I'm actually very clean). I'm just a bit doggish, that's all. I'm actually wanting to ask a fursuit maker to make me some sort of jacket that mimics Husky fur, so I can feed my fancy. Any more questions? I'd love to answer

Hehehe, it'd be awesome if you'd get a suit like that You could maybe find other people who feel the same way and have "animal selves". I've heard about it before. Is it like a fetish too?

Well, once upon a time, I sorta did have friends like that. They were into witchcraft. One claimed to be an empath (then said she was a cat, after hearing about my canid persuation), one was raised as a Wiccan, two others who were not into it anymore, and an ex boyfriend who quit, but is now affiliating a lycan (as far as I know). As for the fetishism, nope. Of course, naturally as a spiritually backward person, my sexuality IS a bit muddled up. Yeah, I totally dig the gay thing. I mean, c'mon, taboos always feel more worthwhile (don't try to tell me you wouldn't feel the same way). However, there are certain things there that I would much rather be rid of, by which, I mean an sexual attraction to dogs. It's not a harmful thing and I don't see all other dogs as sexual objects, don't get me wrong. Maybe it's because they are less judgmental than humans. I promise I'd never force myself on someone unwilling (yeah, I kinda refer to dogs as people) and I definitely would never hurt anyone. I'm just a horribly, horribly confused person. Despite my confusion, I don't forsee any of this going away, so I've had no choice but to accept it, whether I like it or not. I wish I could've said I didn't jive like that, but I just don't feel like lying about it (especially since there are no repurcussions here). So, if you feel like takin a potshot at me for this, by all means, indulge yourself.

You could try experimenting with people who share the fetish but not with animals, as that is illegal. It's not for me or anyone else to judge you for a sexual attraction, though. You're just different from most people.
Have you talked about it with a therapist?

No, I've never been to a therapist and I don't plan to. I suppose it could be one of the driving forces behind my pursuit of a psych degree. The mind fascinates me. I understand the fact that everything about me and everyone else is our minds, so I would naturally love to poke around and see what I can find. I'll understand it someday

Oh I see. Do you think getting a psych degree might help you understand yourself better?

My question for you StrayDogJohnny, is, You as a Therian what do you think of furries then? I have often stumbled across either terms and found that sometimes they go hand in hand, or paw in paw, so to speak. But find myself confounded when at times, one group sees the other as outsiders or 'wannabes'.