Your Development of DPD

I'm going to be doing some research for my Developmental Psychology course this semester & I'd like to get a head-start on this. One thing I wanted to do was ask other people's experiences with DPD & DRD & how you developed your disorder.

Mine developed through chronic anxiety. It started around age 13-14. I was experiencing severe social anxiety, paranoia & breaks from reality. My guess is that my brain tried to protect me from these occurrences by pulling me back into my brain. OR - the anxiety permanently changed my brain chemistry. I lean towards the latter actually. My DR is chronic & has been steadily getting worse as the years go by. Along with my delusional thinking.

Can anyone else share their development of the disorder?

I'd like to add if people could describe their experience with DP/DR. Such as what the world looks like - what your face looks like to you as well as your whole body - what thoughts run through your head etc.

I mainly experience a visual distortion. The whole world looks flat & distant along with being two-dimensional. I don't feel my body at all. I feel like a floating consciousness.

DP feels like I'm not in my body. It feels like I'm a pinprick of human essence floating about in a vacuum of empty space inside my head. I feel like I'm amazed that my limbs belong to me, I'll look at my hands like a baby does, fascinated that I can make them move. I don't feel pain unless it's severe. I have no emotional attachment to anything or anyone. I have no emotions unless they're extreme. When DP is at it's worst I'll be unaware of anything that's not directly in front of my eyes. I can hear people but not take in what they're saying or respond to them.

DR feels like I'm in my body but not in the room. Like walls that are a metre away could be light-years away in a parallel universe, for all I feel I could reach out and touch them.

I think I have DID and I don't remember anything before my teenage years. Since then the DP/DR is activated by extreme anxiety, whether that's caused by something internal or external, especially nightmares, which I get when I'm awake as well as asleep.

I look outwardly calm, though I'm having a huge (and usually repeated one after another) panic attack. Or else I'll actually BE calm, but only because I can't feel anything. I look expressionless a lot of the time, a blank dead-eyed stare. I have to remember how I'm supposed to behave, what I'm supposed to say, what my expression should be, so I fake being "normal". X

DP feels like I'm not in my body. It feels like I'm a pinprick of human essence floating about in a vacuum of empty space inside my head. I feel like I'm amazed that my limbs belong to me, I'll look at my hands like a baby does, fascinated that I can make them move. I don't feel pain unless it's severe. I have no emotional attachment to anything or anyone. I have no emotions unless they're extreme. When DP is at it's worst I'll be unaware of anything that's not directly in front of my eyes. I can hear people but not take in what they're saying or respond to them.

this is more or less what i experienced as well

it randomly struck me almost as if a bomb went off in my head, there were no warning signs or anything. i felt like a part of me(my mind) was analyzing what i was doing while the other part of me(my body). In a sense i did not have full control of my body or what i was saying. I felt very distant. I would wonder if i would ever go back to normal. I Felt like nothing was real for the longest time.


Eventually when i started taking SSRIs my DP went away basically altogether. I would really reccomend seeing a psychiatrist for anyone that has DP to an extent that it affects their daily ability to function.
For several weeks after the extended DP attack i still had little sense of reality(nothing felt real) despite my mind and body being entirely connected. I did not feel fear for the longest time, only now a year or so later am i starting to feel fear again and feel normal. It was a very very long time before i felt emotions again.

Eventually though most things go back to normal. I still feel like my head is murky and things are not as clear as they used to be.
Hope this helps

Mine is self-diagnosed chronic. For as long as I can remember I have felt like this. Like I am 'a floating consciousness' and the world is just a movie. I am pretty unresponsive to the outside world if it is not direct, like I will not answer questions that aren't specifically pointed towards me or I won't dive for a ball right in front of me when playing sport. It's not that I don't feel like it, it just never occurs to me that I should, because I feel disconnected, like I'm watching a movie.
People also confuse me. They are able to 'connect' with eachother when I can't, but I have been working on it and have started to get a few friends. Not really friends I guess, but people I feel comfortable talking to and who seem to think I am their friend.
I dont like talking about my emotions, but I'm not sure whether that's the DR or just my personality. Earlier this year I have had moments where everything seemed so 'other' and very 3D. At the time I thought it was DR but I am now starting to suspect that it might have been how 'normal' people see the world, a moment without DR. It was very scary. There was also one time when I looked in the mirror and almost started crying because it seemed as if it wasn't me. I was convinced that i had invaded this body and killed whoever it was and now I was just a consciencessness that controlled it.
Hope this helped!

I am not sure whether I fit that.
But whatever I perceive, I always did as far as I can remember. So I am not sure how it would be otherwise.

I don't have the impression I am of this world, materially speaking. There is a disconnect between me and me having a body. I forget the last one (me with a body), and the body does not participate in whatever is happening around me. I cannot relate with the official or common saying that I should feel the body does not belong to me, or that I am out of the body. I forget I have a body is more accurate. I would rather be pure spirit and forget about the material stuff. The body tires me.

I am like floating in the world, and the world itself is shaky. It seems fake, and I have a difficulty focusing on it. If I focus on one thing, then the rest disappears. If I don't focus, everything drifts away. I used to be able to focus, but now everything is just going away. I have stopped fighting this lack of reality. I just let it go.

Another thing that is not official but that seems connected is that my being is also drifting away now. So it is not just the material world, but also my personality that is going away. My memories and my sense of me are as fake as the rest. That one bothers me because it is really frustrating, not knowing who you are.

Otherwise, there are panic attacks that are similar in kind, but stronger in effect, and they do not last long. Maybe a few hours, or a few days. When that happens the world shatters instead of just disappearing. It is like looking at a window that would break in pieces and all the pieces fall to the ground. And you end up staring in the void. I actually like that experience, but not the trauma that causes it. I feel more alive when it is over. Better than the usual fog.

Tungsten (hope I remembered your name right), the first two paragraphs after your introduction, that sounds like what happens to me after something triggers me to be re-traumatized. I'll be almost catatonic. I think it's severe DP/DR brought on when I'm totally overwhelmed by my emotions, it's like someone pressed a switch in my head and the emotions are gone. I'll be completely unaware of the passage of time. X

Kerry H wrote:Tungsten (hope I remembered your name right), the first two paragraphs after your introduction, that sounds like what happens to me after something triggers me to be re-traumatized. I'll be almost catatonic. I think it's severe DP/DR brought on when I'm totally overwhelmed by my emotions, it's like someone pressed a switch in my head and the emotions are gone. I'll be completely unaware of the passage of time. X

Thanks Kerry H.
I really like your posts, BTW from what I read.
I quite relate with what you said, and that is how I would explain it. I get new traumas, and the reaction get harder all the time. I got a few catatonic states, but usually I can actually move about, like yesterday. It is just that when I hear a contradiction, my mind kinda shut down, I feel a big pain in the neck. I even had quite a few nervous ticks all the time, eyes blinking, like if every thought was like lifting a heavy weight. Never saw it that worse. But that is because I had something to do, otherwise, i probably would just had stared at the wall, amazed at the injustice of the world.

I have the impression that my depersonalisation/derealisation (DP/DR) started to set on me like a fog some time in my teens.

However, the condition was then greatly aggravated in my early twenties by the antidepressant noradrenaline reuptake inhibitor reboxetine (Edronax). In my case, the worsening of the DP/DR by reboxetine has been permanent, lasting well over 5 years after I last took the drug. Others have also described the onset or worsening of DP/DR by reboxetine, but in their cases, the effect was temporary.

Errr...sum1 (i think?! my memory is terrible) anyway i'm sorry the medication had that effect, that's a nasty piece of luck.

Tungsten - thanks I do try to help wherever i can. X