My boyfriend has Depersonalization/Derealization DP/DR

I've known this person for almost 2 years now. We have an online relationship because of certain obstacles that are in between of us being together in person right now. Job, etc.
I 'v been in a long distance/online relationship with him for 7 months. Me and my bf became really close or as close as we could get being that of a relationship online. He use to be very open, sweet, selfless, kind, loving and caring. Me and my bf had plans for the future. We would talk about our plans for our future, what we wanted, us meeting etc. He was very positive, straight forward and really had everything going it seemed. He was just a normal guy, a sweet kind loving normal guy that filled my heart with love.
About a month ago he came to me saying he found out what he actually had, something that he has been trying to get a lead on what might it possibly be. He looked online, typed in the symptoms he had etc. It came out to be DP/DR known as depersonalization/derealization. Everything matched up.
I remember him telling me, before he actually found out what it was about the symptoms he had. Not feeling real, someone is living his life for him inside his body and that he's just looking from the outside, frequent panic attacks, trouble sleeping at night, everything looking 2d or like cut out paper.
So he finds out what it is and told me. Ever since, he's been looking on forums constantly almost, looking for people to relate to that have it, more information etc. He's pretty much been obsessing about it which I sort of understand. It could be sort of a shock to the brain once you find out what's been wrong this whole time. But.......as for a total personality change, that's something I can't explain and would love to get any insight, help or something about it.
He went from being so warm, loving and positive to a cold, heartless, careless person. He became someone else ever since he found out what it was. The time fits as to when he found out what he had and as to how he started acting. He became distant, cold, heartless, careless and just different. He wasn't the same guy I fell in love with, my close friend + more that he was.
He stopped talking about us, our plans, our future, he stopped being close and opening up to me, he stopped being warm, his calls stopped, he became a distant stranger.
So now he wants a break from me, he started saying how he couldn't open up to me anymore, he was afraid of talking to me etc. He also started saying he's confused, he doesn't know what he wants, he doesn't know who he is, he doesn't know if he's in love with me anymore, he doesn't know if me and him will be together etc. He became so unsure of everything all of a sudden.
Another thing that could possibly have something to do with this whole behavior change which came on later, a while after he found out he had DP/DR was him about to change countries and get this new job that awaits him. That's new for him and he's real focused on it, nervous and scared. But I don't find that a big reason onto why his behavior with me changed overnight. When I say overnight I am not over dramatic. He actually became a different person over night.
I really love him and care about him. I just don't understand why he would change like this. He tells me he still loves me but wants a break still, is trying to find himself etc. He's very distant and cold, when I try to talk about us he has no big response to it or none at all. He almost avoids it.....
I am afraid that once he gets rid of it completely that he'll just forget about me and move on, think the feelings were never real since it was when he was at his worst with DP we fell in love.
Can anyone help or give some insight. This sounds like an insane situation that I am in. But I care about him so much that I am willing to go through anything with him.
If anyone has ever been in a relationship with someone that has depersonalization let me know. I'd love to hear your experiences and or solutions, any advice would help.
I am alone in this or feel like I am. I don't know what to do...He's distant and cold now. I kept trying to reach out, be there and support him but he won't take any of it. Not even my love for him...................

Thank you for reading

deadlydagon wrote:So he finds out what it is and told me. Ever since, he's been looking on forums constantly almost, looking for people to relate to that have it, more information etc. He's pretty much been obsessing about it which I sort of understand. It could be sort of a shock to the brain once you find out what's been wrong this whole time. But.......as for a total personality change, that's something I can't explain and would love to get any insight, help or something about it.
He went from being so warm, loving and positive to a cold, heartless, careless person. He became someone else ever since he found out what it was. The time fits as to when he found out what he had and as to how he started acting. He became distant, cold, heartless, careless and just different. He wasn't the same guy I fell in love with, my close friend + more that he was.
He stopped talking about us, our plans, our future, he stopped being close and opening up to me, he stopped being warm, his calls stopped, he became a distant stranger.

It REALLY sounds like the case of somebody "becoming a diagnostic". Before he knew about the name of his condition, he was fighting against it and was trying to counter it by doing a lot of things contradictory to the condition. But now that he knows about the condition and what it entails, it's like he just decided to go with the flow and now simply follows what is to be expected from having such a condition and he no longer attempts to fight it. Basically, he probably made himself fit into the elements that were not fitting, becoming a stronger case of DPDR than he was at the beginning.

A rather perverse side-effect of DPDR is that the more you think about it, the worse it get, because intellectualizing is directly linked to becoming more emotionally detached which is directly linked to becoming depersonalized.

That's actually one of the conclusions I've thought about too. Now that he identifies with the symptoms and can put a label on them, seems to me like he's acting them out more making his case of DP/DR worse. Like as in what DP/DR is supposed to be like, almost accepting it now and just going with the flow as you said. He's actually told me these words "I am just going with the flow and don't care anymore" "by doing so it will go away" "when I become anxious I just tell myself I don't care anymore" etc. Those are his words.
I guess only thing I can do at the moment is wait and see what happens. Just sucks at all of the timing for all of this. At first he was in a sort of denial about it all, not knowing what it was and now that he does know, he's just acting out the DP/DR to the fullest.
I really hope it passes or something...not too sure how it works. I've heard him say that ignoring it and just distracting himself will help. I've also heard others say this as well.....
Thanks for the reply. If anyone else has any advice, a story of similarity feel free to respond. Any advice will do, I am really in the dark about it all.
Thanks again

hey , I see that you wrote this a long time before today i think but i'm going to reply anyway.
my boyfriend has DP too , and i feel the same as you , i feel him distant , sometimes cold with me and things like that . He descovered he had DP on March i think and he was really bad , we were friends and he told me that he was freaking out of his mind . Now i think he doesn't have panic attacks or problems with his mind , but he says he doesn't remember how he was before having DP , and I think he was different , he was sweet with me , and when he started to date , 2 months ago he became different with me . Before we spoke a lot by SMS , and know he doens't reply my SMS for hours , s: and when i'm with him we are not close . The problem is that i think that he his a lot better from DP .
What do you think I can do ?
Thanks , and sorry my english is not very good .