i'm not real

this disconnect is just another reality. it's ridiculous to believe that life is real, even when it's undoubtly a real experience. I find myself blacking out and not remembering some of my actions. It's like being trapped in a body that's not real, being in a situation that was somehow scripted by the irony of life. i'm facing my mental health issues and trying to acknowlege things so I can change but am defiant because how could it be real? it's so stupid, tedious and agonizingly predictable. i'm often confused and clouded but somewhere, in a higher level of consciousness I know that i'm somehow, still here despite the sensation of being a dead girl, floating through life aimlessly with strange hands and a strange mouth. It's disturbing getting unfamilair glances from my mirror. I feel like the mirror lies to me and am sometimes frightened by my image. I've touched the mirror before when I was just kind of zoning out. whenever I see a mirror, I have to stop and admire the thing that is me. I blacked out recently in social situations and did things that were very twisted. i'm awaiting therapy because my psych think's i need it for this condition, he's probably right but I wanted to vent as I find this all so strange.

Dont' worry (It doesn't seem that you are worrying, actually), crankitup, because I'm confident that things will all work out for you. Your description of 'reality' and the sensation(s) you have are rather poetic. I'm sure that you and I could have a very interesting conversation if we were to ever meet, which probably will never happen. What do you hope to get out of the therapy?

Kevin

i'm supposed to be facing past trauma in therapy and that's supposed to help me overcome my struggles with reality. I'm entering therapy after my mood is "stabilized". I hope to snap out of it with therapy.

I know how you feel. It's like you know you're here and that you're you, but you're not here and you're not you. I'm sure it's not exactly the same feeling because it's co-consciousness on my part, but I can relate to what you're saying. I hope the therapy will help you. Sometimes people don't really need help or advice - they just need someone to listen. I don't know about you, but personally, I couldn't care less if someone tried to help me as long as they at least pretended to care. Stay positive. It can be hard sometimes, but it's the best thing you can do. Anyways, good luck. I know everything will be okay, even it takes a little longer than you hoped.

crankitup wrote:i'm supposed to be facing past trauma in therapy and that's supposed to help me overcome my struggles with reality. I'm entering therapy after my mood is "stabilized". I hope to snap out of it with therapy.

That seems like another way of saying that you will be 'facing your fears' in the therapy. I had a year of therapy and that's one thing I learned - i.e. to face my fears. Instead of brushing them under the rug/carpet, I face them head-on and get them out of the way. You, Lame Crusader, and I have little time to be spent wasted on hiding problems.

That seems like another way of saying that you will be 'facing your fears' in the therapy. I had a year of therapy and that's one thing I learned - i.e. to face my fears. Instead of brushing them under the rug/carpet, I face them head-on and get them out of the way. You, Lame Crusader, and I have little time to be spent wasted on hiding problems.

Ah, facing fears. My first therapist got information from my alters and, against their judgement, told me what she'd found out; so she pretty much put me a car travelling 80mph, wearing no seat belt, and drove me into a brick wall. At the time, it fkkd me up pretty badly and it took a long time for me to deal with what I heard, but ultimately, it was a good decision on her part because I've learned how to cope and how to 'face my fears' without splitting. It gave me a sense of accomplishment knowing that I could handle certain things. Granted, I don't know everything, or I wouldn't have alters to deal with it, but I'm confident that one day, when I do find out, I'll be able to. I'm sure it will be the same for you, crankitup. You'll learn a lot about yourself and it won't be easy, but know that it's for the best. And if you need anyone to talk to, the forum is a good place to unload.

I know exactly how you feel.
I used to believe the same things but I slowly got past it. There is hope!

i'm upset, hello everyone. i have and occasionally and deffinately unconciously feel like a waking nightmare. my mental awareness has broken with everything. i dont want to dwell. but i think i'll roam for a while here to help. i've locked myself in a spare room after going mental at my boyfriend last night, thinking when will you(i) change this habit, i know i'm young, is there really hope, after all i am very ill, extremly disfuntional, and completely wired wrong, i've tryed better, it's all fake and not satistfying. i am upset