Detached but still attached

Hello, I'm new to these forums, and I'm wondering of what I have is depersonalization disorder. I have noticed a difference in my subjective qualia regarding myself and the world. To be more precise I felt one day as if I woke up with a new phenomenological filter. I used to be a very melancholic and sensitive person, but for about 2 years I have felt completely different. I don't experience life the same way, especially when I experience my own emotions or thoughts. I feel as if I experience time differently as well. It feels as if I am more stuck in the present and I don't feel like the person that I was a few minutes ago was me. It's hard to explain, but its as if time is passing by and I am only what I am at the present. Compared to how I used to feel, I feel a disconnect between my past (even short term) and what what is happening right now. As if what happened a few minutes ago, could have happened a long time ago.

In regards to emotion, I feel as if emotions pass me by (similar to how time passes me by). I am able to feel things, but not nearly as strongly as before. Also, my emotions go away a lot faster. I can't seem to hold on to any emotion; I simply return to a more or less neutral state (and even then I can hardly call it neutral, it just doesn't seem that neutral, but it does at the same time). I can still feel depressed or ecstatic, but it doesn't feel like I am experiencing it fully. I don't know how to describe it, but its as if my emotions have been somewhat dulled, but at the same time they haven't. I feel divorced from how I feel, but I can still tell that I am feeling something. This has caused me problems in relationships and friendships. I feel like I am less able to care or pay attention to others.

I also feel a lot more spaced out. While I am having a conversation with others, I've noticed that I make a lot less eye contact, and I visualize my thoughts a lot more rather than focus on the person. Also, when others are speaking to me, I loss focus a lot more frequently and I often find myself trying to piece together what the person is trying to say. Sometimes, randomly, I feel disconnected from the experience of performing an action, such as speaking or walking, and simply feel as an observer. It is as if my body is acting on its own, and I can see what its doing and thinking. This has caused problems for me when I'm driving and at work. I often feel as if I am in a dream. As if the reality that I experience now is less real than the one I used to experience. (by reality I mean any experience of myself and of the outside world).

I don't know what it is that I am feeling, and if it is indeed depersonalization disorder, but after searching for months, I think it is the closest match. Any problems that have haven't been sever enough for me to seek help, but the way I feel does disturb me greatly. I compare how I feel now with how I used to feel, and it troubles me that I cannot go back.

I wonder if any of you have felt the way I feel. Have I hit the mark or I'm I way off? Any constructive opinions (i.e. any opinions that don't intent to insult and that have something honest and helpful to say) will help

Well, what you wrote is a copy/paste of what I experience. Who knows... maybe during one of my zoned-out phases I wrote that post and so you are in fact, me.

Otherwise, I have always been zoned-out all my life, but it's like 10+ years that it has been very intense. Though, it's less intense nowadays than during a 2 years window at the start of those 10 years.

What I found to help is coffee, energy drinks like Red Bull, though sometimes it seems to make the detachment worse... and I never really found what makes it feel me better VS worse. I'm starting to suspect that there is something sugar related in that too.

I can totally relate to you, I think the best thing would to be to go to a doctor. At least you will get some sort of comfort out of it.

Peptron wrote:What I found to help is coffee, energy drinks like Red Bull, though sometimes it seems to make the detachment worse... and I never really found what makes it feel me better VS worse. I'm starting to suspect that there is something sugar related in that too.

Yeah man if I didn't get my caffeine in the morning I wouldn't function. I seriously cannot get out of bed without it. I noticed that B-vitamins also help a lot, B12 and B6 to be specific (both of which are usually in energy drinks). But like you said sometimes it makes it worse...but I'd rather be more disconnected and energized than lethargic

I feel like my face is frozen, I'm unable to smile nor frown. Oftentimes when i laugh, It's genuine, but the laughing abruptly and awkwardly ends. Or I'll find something funny, but the humour is gone within seconds. It's a horribly dry feeling; lacking.. not even a feeling. everything you said I feel the same way.

I'm going to be another one of those this-is-exactly-me. I've always been a bit out of touch, but lately it's gotten worse and worse. I have to "push" my mind forward and make it focus on the simple things like moving (typing, writing, walking). And though I've always had bad vision, I don't even seem to be able to hold focus sometimes. It's frustrating. I can't seem to keep conversations going. I fail make the social appropriate responses to actions. And on some odd level, I am convinced that I am just a ghost and shouldn't be in this world of the living.

titus wrote:I can totally relate to you, I think the best thing would to be to go to a doctor. At least you will get some sort of comfort out of it.

Peptron wrote:What I found to help is coffee, energy drinks like Red Bull, though sometimes it seems to make the detachment worse... and I never really found what makes it feel me better VS worse. I'm starting to suspect that there is something sugar related in that too.

Yeah man if I didn't get my caffeine in the morning I wouldn't function. I seriously cannot get out of bed without it. I noticed that B-vitamins also help a lot, B12 and B6 to be specific (both of which are usually in energy drinks). But like you said sometimes it makes it worse...but I'd rather be more disconnected and energized than lethargic

Speaking of energy drinks, I found that Taurine or Guarana make me feel "discombobulated". Hansens is good--just caffeine and B Vitamins. B6 and B12 are known mood elevators and niacin (B3) has been used in treating drug-induced hallucinations.

I also.. feel the exact same way sometimes. It goes away when I'm out with my friends or something though. I have to be doing something exciting to not feel "neutral". It helps to talk to people sometimes. It doesn't always help at all though. It's hard to come out of it.
But then when it gets really bad, I get this like.. weird panic thing? Where time seems to be shooting by, and going by super slow at the same time. And if I think in words or sentences in my head, it goes super fast and super slow at the same time, and the pitch of the voice is like.. all pitches at once..? and it's really creepy.. It's weird. And then every sound freaks me out cause I feel like somethings going to attack me from any doorway. O_o I don't know if that's the same thing.. but yeah.

It took me a long time and quite a few self mis-diagnosis to settle on this as my only "real" problem. I don't suffer any of the extreme de-realizations that others have , but I fit the bill exactly in all other regards. I've been like this literally as long as I can remember though and I think I've grown into it after 26 years. I obviously can't make any life altering suggestions, but for me simply being aware of the condition and knowing that I'm not crazy helps me to cope.

i.e. whenever I feel like a puppet I'm still able to comprehend that it's only a distortion of reality, it's my private window. But like I said, mine is only mildly life inhibiting. I've taught myself to be a good actor in social situations. My only serious issue it trying to comfort someone else when I can make absolutely no connection to their emotional distress.

Wow I just joined to see if I had the disorder but no need to post anymore: this is so me! I've recently been diagnosed with combination ADD/ADHD, and while the diagnosis brought much relief, I still feel as though something is missing. However, the many months before diagnosis, I have been frustrated, stressed, and wondered why I couldn't just be "myself" and suffered from chronic anxiety. (Depersonality disorder has been shown to be a symptom of anxiety or anxiety can end up producing it.) But I too, always seem to tune out of myself in the middle of speaking or telling a story. It feels like your mouth is on autopilot but your mind is somewhere else...