is this DPD ?

I tend to phase out at busy places, I can't seem to be selective about what 'noises' I let in or out. I inhale it all.
Thank God for automatic pilot, because otherwise I would just lose myself completely.
But, not only in noisy places, I also have this problem at home sometimes or with friends or even at work...

It then seems as if the whole world around me fades away...

Hi,

What do you mean by 'automatic pilot'?

Kevin

Hi !

Oh, ok, I guess I can't translate everything too litteraly, can I ?

Automatic pilot: when you do things the same way every day, because they've become habits. You take the same road from work to home, you do the same rituals every morning and evening, things like that.

Pffieuw, hard to explain in English.

Anyway, if I would not have these kind of habits, I would get lost completely. For example: when I'm in a supermarket (this is where I often blackout), I know that every step I take there is the same one as the one I took the week before in the supermarket. That's what calms me when I start to phase out. I can tell myself to relax because it's the same as last time.
BUT: if in that same supermarket something different happens like for example meeting somebody you know, that would be a trigger for me to get out of control. I think I wouldn't even know my own name, let along the name of the person I'm facing.
OR: And this is what already happened: I forgot my creditcard and only realised it when it was time to pay. There were lots of people waiting in line after me, and I felt I was going to lose it. So what did I do: I just left my bags and never returned there.

I hope this is more clear ? I can give more examples, but I'm not feeling very clear 2day and I have to look very hard for the right words in English...

Thank for reading,

Mel x

Hi,

Yes, it is now very clear to me. In fact, I am on 'automatic pilot' everyday - It makes my life more comfortable when I can stick to set routines that are familiar to me. I do not do it intentionally though - It is the natural way that I act. I try to do everything the same each and every day. Nothing escapes it.

Kevin

Melpomene wrote:I tend to phase out at busy places, I can't seem to be selective about what 'noises' I let in or out. I inhale it all.
Thank God for automatic pilot, because otherwise I would just lose myself completely.
But, not only in noisy places, I also have this problem at home sometimes or with friends or even at work...

It then seems as if the whole world around me fades away...

Hi Melpomene. If you say that it seems you feel as if the whole world around you fades away, do you feel your surroundings become unreal and/or unfamiliar? And do you feel like you are living in a dream and feel unreal yourself? because if you do then that would fall under derealization and depersonalization. Im not sure that when you describe the world around you fades away if that is derealization, hence my questions to you.

@Chucky:

Maybe I live like that also, to keep in control. But I wonder if this IS natural ? I would really love to be able to do things outside my 'schedule' of every day though...

@Salinger:

I have a positive answer to each question you asked me.
My surroundings become blurry (as if I'm drunk without having touched one sip of alcohol, I almost never drink);
BUT
I become blurry to myself also, as if my voice doesn't belong to myself anymore, as if my behavior isn't mine, as if every step I take ain't mine, I look in the mirror and my rational thinking tells me that it's me in that mirror but it's hard to recognize myself at that moment....

But mostly it's living in a dream of somekind.

And I know there's a fine line between derealization and depersonalisation. It's often connected.

I just wish there could be a way to get out of it.

@both: THX !

Mel x

Melpomene, it is certainly not normal to live on 'Automatic pilot' everyday. We do this, however, because life is stressful for us and being on 'Automatic Pilot' is the most comfortable way for us to get through the stress. It is possible to break-out of the schedule/routine, but it involves a lot of concentration and a willingess to break-out of it.

I received therapy to help me.

Kevin

Hey Chucky,

I'm in therapy also ! My therapist tells me to take it one step at a time concerning that matter.

I'm trying to.

Thanks...

Good luck to you !

Melx

Hi Melpomene, if I may ask, do you have the depersonalization and derealization, which as you said are closely connected, most of the time (chronically), or do you have it in episodes. Im in therapy, too and working hard and at the same time it is a step-by-step process, it is difficult. I have chronic DP and DR and working on getting to the bottom of the cause, going through lots of stuff, but feel Im getting more 'me' if that makes sense. Im looking into when I started dissociating and WHY and it is coming back to me why I needed to 'not exist', to go that place in order to protect myself from abuse when I was a teenager (emotional/psychological abuse, but also sexual in the sense of sexual intimidation/inappropriateness). I remember being infront of the mirror in my bedroom, feeling really bad about myself and needing to 'zone myself out' by looking at myself so intensly I disappeared, so I could get rid of feeling so bad. I lost connection with this memory for years and recently it came back to me (step by step, too), gladly as I feel this helps me get back to myself and why I needed to go away from myself. There is some healing going on, but I have to get through the pain. Maybe sounds familiar to you. Take care!

Salinger wrote: I remember being infront of the mirror in my bedroom, feeling really bad about myself and needing to 'zone myself out' by looking at myself so intensly I disappeared, so I could get rid of feeling so bad. I lost connection with this memory for years and recently it came back to me (step by step, too), gladly as I feel this helps me get back to myself and why I needed to go away from myself. There is some healing going on, but I have to get through the pain. Maybe sounds familiar to you. Take care!

I can totally relate... The story about standing in front of a mirror and losing sight of yourself... I have been through this a thousand times !

It's like you don't see yourself anymore at all...
I'm glad to read that you are healing !

To answer your question: I phase out a lot ! There are just a few people that know about this problem also.
How to even begin to explain this anyway ?
I don't have control over it, but I do know how to handle myself during. Nevertheless, I wish it could just stop, because it's just sooooo hard to deal with.
Don't you think ?

Mel x

Mel x