Spiritual awakening? Nope, just plain ol' depersonalization

Most of my life, I'm just going through that everlasting impression of not being real and not existing. That my "I am me" consciousness is just the by-product of my brain's function. That me, as a person, does not exist - because there is no such thing as a person, just a fake consciousness that a blob of fat and salt and electricity creates in order to be able to interact with its outside environment.

Therefore, I do not exist. I am not real. I have absolutely no purpose except from being a screen upon which a brain projects ideas and hallucinations of the outside and inside world, in order to pilot the body so it can interact with the outside in a functional way and be able to stay alive.

Thinking and feeling and experiencing it on the everyday, sometimes to the point of panic attack around the subject of "oh my gosh I'm not real nothing is real I do not exist nothing exists everything is just an hallucination made by my brain" might sound like a nice spiritual awakening, right? Or something extra-lucid?

Well, WRONG. Even if it might objectively be true, from a psychological and functionning point of view, it's just plain ol' depersonalization, and depersonalization is not spiritual or enlightening or anything, it's a dysfunction of the human brain that keeps it from being properly functionnal for everyday things.

Therefore, even if it might sound woke AF, it's not normal to think like that. When it happens, it's super important to do all that can be done to decrease anxiety (medication, breathing exercises, grounding...).

This was a TED talk from me to me. I might be happy to find it here one day. Or others might think it useful.

Do you have any ways that you cope with depersonalization. I've had the symptoms for 4 years now and I'm only 16. I haven't been diagnosed but I'm certain I have it. I have done a lot of research and my symptoms always lead back to this disorder.

Hi. One way to reduce depersonalization and also derealization is to use grounding techniques. You can find examples using any search engine.

Grounding techniques include doing things that use your basic five senses to connect you to the physical world. So you can take a walk, hold something, or focus on where your body touches the chair or the floor or whatever you're positioned on. You could also do things that involve more than one sense, possibly all of them at once. A key ingredient is to try to focus on your sense experiences in the real world.

You may not experience much relief at first especially if the depersonalization is habitual and protective, though you won't necessarily know it's protective. As with changing any long-held habits, trying and trying again is likely necessary.

Needless to say, depersonalization may be a manifestation of a larger disorder so it helps to have interaction with or testing by a trained professional in dissociation. Does that help?