I don't know whats going on

Hello, I'm new here and I created an account because something strange has been going on with me in the past few months and I can't explain it. Also please excuse my poor grammar, English is not my first language.

Hopefully I'm posting this in the right section. So here it goes.

Sometimes I get these brief moments where I loose myself. Like I start looking around the room, I look at my hands and it all seems so weird. Like I feel I'm not actually there or that I'm not who I'm supposed to be. As if I'm seeing the world through someone else's eyes. Usually these feelings or episodes last only a few seconds before I "snap back to reality". But there are times when it lasts more than just a few seconds.
Yesterday I had to go out and pay some bills. As soon as I got through the door my mind went blank, I didn't know who I was or what I was doing. But I kept going as if I was on auto-pilot or something.

I have no idea whats going on with me. And I can't talk to anyone about this because I'm afraid of being looked upon as being crazy or a weirdo . Please help

I know exactly what you mean. I don't have full-blown DPD myself but I do have a milder, non-impairing case, that could be classed as DDNOS. It's likely caused by a combination of substance abuse, pre-existing visual snow, and emotional abuse in my own case.

Yes, I also get these brief moments of terrible self-realization that my thoughts, speech, and even identity are somewhat distant to me, not to mention a bizarre feeling of detachment from others; it's as if I perceive them there physically, but not emotionally, which is unsettling. I don't like to think about it, hence why I try to limit contact to others, because the more time I spend with them, and the more I try to connect emotionally with them, the more afraid I become.

But here's the thing: you're not crazy or a weirdo, dissociation is surprisingly common in the general population, and even more common in the MH system. If you get help for it I'm sure they'll understand, as they've seen it all before!

Sorry for not responding earlier. I kept coming back for 2 days straight but my post still wasn't approved, so I forgot about it . Regarding possible causes, I do experience visual snow especially in dark enviroments and I've been abused by my father when I was younger.

Is there a reason why this thing is starting to manifest just now? Since I was just fine until a while ago?

Dear Webb:

There are many varied ways the brain/ body responds to trauma (overwhelmingly scary/ distressing event/s)- those different ways are the many symptoms that make the diagnoses. But the core issue is the same. So as a young child you responded one way and years later you are responding in another way. Between then and later, of course, you had other experiences that play into the expression of the overwhelm.

atina