Are My Symptoms Related to Depersonalization?

Dear Psychforums,

I'm Samuel, from Canada. Nice to meet you. First, a background.
And, apologies for the long post.

I'm 23 years old. I've been in a depressed state,
with many ups and downs ever since I was a boy.
About five years ago, a state of severe anxiety and
depression began, in which I spent the occasional day
laying on my bedroom floor in some kind of existential
vacuum.

I'm in excellent physical condition, with a stable job,
a close family, and get plenty of social interaction.

Here is my problem - I don't feelanything.

I read complex books, but do not feel inspired and must
work hard to retain anything. In other words, my concentration
sucks. I rank high in the mostly meaningless realm of IQ, but seem to lose
short term memory constantly. I know, logically, how to attract women, but feel
no attraction. I know what beauty is, but cannot experience it.
I have zero sex drive, and it has been this way for a long time
except for with one girl with whom I was deeply in love with.

Social interactions are a drag. Nothing is ever truly hilarious
or sad to me... despite the dull grayscale through which I see the world.
I never truly connect, beyond a logical standpoint, with anyone.
I can attract beautiful women, but rarely have desire to have sex with them,
whether they are sprawled out on my bed, or simply encountered in passing.
Sex itself is without pleasure.

The worst part is not being able to share joy, laughter, humour, philosophy,
stories, or my passion with anyone; my mind is often blank except for when I'm
alone or typing out a lonely message on an Internet forum.
Everything is a calculated process based on some kind of emotionless algorithm.
It's inhuman. I come off as dull and unattractive in social situations... And can feel that
I'm working at a mere fraction of my potential.

Last week got to the point where I no longer felt fear, pain, pleasure.

Could you please point me in the right direction?

Thank you so much.

Greetings Samuel,

Are you currently in therapy or on medication? A professional is best for other diagnosis.

It definitely sounds like Major Depression. Some meds for depression can also make you feel numb. Depersonalization also makes you feel disconnected. For me, I usually feel that I'm not real or the things around me don't feel real.

I hope this helps,

Kali

@kaliwings

Thank you for the reply

I'm not in therapy, or on medication.
I'm honestly embarrassed to go back into it.
And also, fearful that it won't work.

I think I do feel depersonalized in that sense.
But the overwhelming numbness sucks.
Everything feels meaningless.

I'm on vacation right now, and I've noticed some feelings returning, which is strange and scary.
I'm starting to feel like I really do need therapy, but I'm so scared that it will just restart this anxiety loop followed by the black hole abyss feeling.

How can I make sure the positive changes stick?