I don't know what to do anymore

I am also having issues with what I believe to be derealization. I have had problems with anxiety, OCD, and depression leading to attempted suicide, however, in the recent months I am not sure what to do or what is happening to me.

Background: Up to 6 months ago, I had been living life normally without medication or any form of counsel. The anxiety and excessive worry were not debilitating, and the OCD was almost non exisitent. In April of last year would begin the events to change everything. I was recently engaged and moved to another state to be with my fiance. I left my job, family, and friends, to start a new life.

It seemed to be going great, however I started noticing anxiety, irritabilty, and depression coming back. Contrary to the actual state of my outward being, I began to feel detached. Although I was able to get a job better than any previous, we have a beautiful home, and all the financial secuirty a person could ask for, especially that I had the most wonderful, loving, and supportive man in my life. For some reason, I supposed that is not enough.

I gradually began to have emotional breakdowns, each progressivily more intense than the one before, until, 4 days after we were married, I lost emotional control and had an outburst which in turn found us taking me to the doctor immediately. Since I was a new patient Iwent through the usual list of medications I had taken before and how they affected me. She prescribed cymbalta and gabapentin. This was a disaster, while in the mean time I became more detached, more like I wasn't supposed to be there, more like I don't belong, like I lived in a fog, like when I say this is my home, inside i felt it wasn't, like when i say i am making my career at my new company, it doesn't feel like it will, or go past a year, when i think about various future planning, or current conditions, it feels all wrong. Like i do not belong. I stopped taking cymbalta after a month, it was causing worse symptoms, as well as sleeping contantly. I would even fall asleep while driving or working. I was referred to a psychiatrist, who then put me on wellbutrin, and ativan, and vyvanse. I also have had a binge eating disorder that i have been battling for years.

anyway, the worry, contant worry, anxiety, panic attacks got worse, i began to exxcessivly worry why i didn't feel like i belong, why doesn't my husband feel like he is my husband, why do i not feel like out home is my home, why do i feel like i am not meant to be here? making this even worse, i am also a psychic entusiast, i love the study and practise, as well as having contact with people that i know have the ability to see and feel things that others have not developed. Well, to fuel my anxiety and excessive worry even further, is my instincts trying to warn me that i made a bad decision and need to return to my old home, or is this derealization?

my marrige is greatly suffering from this now, my husband is struggling to cope with the person he loved immediately turning into this unrecognizable emotionally unstable being, now he is saying that he is not in love with me anymore, but he wants to try to get me help and is working hard to save our marrige, but in turn this has made me even more emotionally unstable and unconsolable at times.I am so lost and the only thing that i can feel is that i am not supposed to be here, nothing feel right, everything feels wrong. we tried three marriage counselors, diffenet methods, and not really much help in that regard. i don't want my marriage to end, but i feel so lost and helpless, detached, disconnencted, and like i am just running on mechanical. no desire, no drive, no motivation.

i did have the drive to bring the love and emotion back to our marrigae, but i have been so much like a record on repeat that it has exhausted me. he doesn't have the dedication to approach differnt methods and practise, and i am tired of asking for it. I have never been good with counselors/therapy, they have more often than not made me worse in the past. I am so lost as to what to do and what is happening to me. Please, can anyone help shed some light.

Depersonalization and the accompanying anxiety never, I mean NEVER comes from thin air. There are huge issues in your life you are not aware of. I suggest you to get professional help.

I was in your case, and I didn't do it. I did the same thing as you, writing to forums and reading about it online.

My life got ruined beyond any possibility of repairing. Do not be like me, I am begging you.

Wish you the best.