Feel like something else is controlling me

My detachment has become so severe, i literally feel like im not even inside my own head.
I have Narcissistic Personality Disorder, and well, ever since i realised, ive become more and more detached to the point that when i think about how detached i am, i feel intense panic/dread, like something terrible is happening.
I dont have hallucinations or voices or anything, im perfectly sane i guess (Not saying those who suffer hallucinations are insane), this is just getting ridiculous. its even starting to affect my coordination.
The detachment is good in the way that i no longer feel anxiety as much, i am more confident, or well its not confidence, its just im not in control of my mind enough to think about what im doing, ill find myself mid way through a conversation with someone, often charming them or making them laugh, and i'll think in my head, "is this even me talking to this person?"
Obviously it is me still in control, its just, i feel so far away

you know I was browsing through this forum when I found this topic, same happens with me that now I'm in a doubt. that who is the real me, as if some power is controlling my mind my thoughts and my emotions. and once I'm back in senses I think what the hell was I thinking? its like the world is far and unreal..another thing that someone is constantly cursing me, praying for all the things to happen that I dread..iam at complete loss

Could be derealization. Or could be Dissociative Identity Dissorder, a alter is controlling you and you are simply in the passenger seat of your mind, watching yourself act out (Co-Hosting). What you explained is how I feel when I am co-hosting and watching one of my alts in control. Or it could be none of those.

hogwatarian wrote:you know I was browsing through this forum when I found this topic, same happens with me that now I'm in a doubt. that who is the real me, as if some power is controlling my mind my thoughts and my emotions. and once I'm back in senses I think what the hell was I thinking? its like the world is far and unreal..another thing that someone is constantly cursing me, praying for all the things to happen that I dread..iam at complete loss

i can relate about the "what the hell was i thinkinh?" i often panic and start thinking some crazy panicy/paranoid stuff, then later i look back im like what the hell was going on in my head. But ive become used to it happening, when i start to think that way i sort of detach from it, breathe deep and forget about it. Seems the more attention i give to it, the more of a problem it is, so ive just given up on trying to work out what the cause is

-- Mon Jul 13, 2015 4:23 pm --

ShawTrav wrote:Could be derealization. Or could be Dissociative Identity Dissorder, a alter is controlling you and you are simply in the passenger seat of your mind, watching yourself act out (Co-Hosting). What you explained is how I feel when I am co-hosting and watching one of my alts in control. Or it could be none of those.

it sounds exactly like that, i also highly suspect myself having narcissistic personality disorder, could these be inter-twined?

dabading wrote:narcissistic personality disorder, could these be inter-twined?

Of course. Each alter has its own personality and its own feelings, memories, etc. You may not know it or even realize this. They can also be holding on to separate memories.
So you could be the one who is narcissistic or one of your alters could be. I have a alter that is very narcissistic, and when he is in control he gets me into trouble. I used to think I was just in a mood, and didn’t know where this boost of confidence came from or why I was acting this way, when generally I am usually shy at first.

Now when I get this way, I slow down and observe everything and soon realize that I am not even in control of myself, I am merely watching. Even though before I could have sworn I was in full control.

Head over to the DiD forums if you want. More people frequent there and you could get more responses. I try and make it a point to read all Dissociative forums.

Is this true that depression /trauma brings out the alter personality in you? If yes than what is the alter personality? And is this self-created?