DRD and Classes

I started classes again, and summer term moves very quickly. I'm going for a degree I'm unhappy in, but need to help fulfill my ultimate career goal. I went back to my alma mater for the degree, after a year of being at a university to finish the rest of my 4 year degree. I had attended this college while in high school to get my A.A. with my high school degree.

It was eery going to class. I was fighting a panic attack, I couldn't understand the professor, and found myself feeling like everything was a prop in a play.

How do you guys cope? I dread going in, I get internal panic attacks and the world feels like it's foggy. Anyone have any recommendations??

Difficult situation indeed. As far as dizziness/fogginess goes I try to ignore it and steer my thoughts back towards the present. If I can't I'll leave the room for a minute. Sometimes I draw because it's easier to look at a single sheet of paper in front of me, you know? I might miss some of the lecture, but it helps me relax which is totally worth it. Also, being upfront with the professor is usually beneficial (I just say I have anxiety). Most are sympathetic, I think.

If I may ask, are you on any antidepressants? At any rate, *try* not to stress over it too much. Que sera sera and all that.

Lamotrigine, my mood stabilizer; sometimes I wonder if I'm more volatile now that I know I have a diagnosis. My coping skills have progressively declined to where I feel like I'm a wreck now. I can't handle stress without getting a tremendous amount of self-negativity. I haven't thought about telling the professor that; the derealization runs its course and sometimes leaves me too afraid to speak after blanking. But I should at least attempt an email.

Lamotrigine, my mood stabilizer;

Ah okay. I'm not familiar with the effects of DP alongside a mood stabilizer, but I've found in general when I'm feeling less anxious the DP/DR isn't as relevant. Maybe look into an antidepressant if things don't improve?

sometimes I wonder if I'm more volatile now that I know I have a diagnosis.

Being "diagnosed" once had quite the effect on me as well. I thought I *had* to be diagnosed or I wouldn't get any help. (It hasn't, however, made much of a difference.) I guess what I'm saying is that it's a natural reaction.

My coping skills have progressively declined to where I feel like I'm a wreck now. I can't handle stress without getting a tremendous amount of self-negativity.

Like what? You talk down to yourself?

I haven't thought about telling the professor that; the derealization runs its course and sometimes leaves me too afraid to speak after blanking. But I should at least attempt an email

Yeah that can be tricky. Shoot for the email if you can. One good thing about having an credited diagnosis would be that you can register with the Students w/ Disability Services (or whatever it's called where you're at). They will work with your teacher to give you some leeway.

cntbelivit wrote:

Lamotrigine, my mood stabilizer;

Ah okay. I'm not familiar with the effects of DP alongside a mood stabilizer, but I've found in general when I'm feeling less anxious the DP/DR isn't as relevant. Maybe look into an antidepressant if things don't improve?

sometimes I wonder if I'm more volatile now that I know I have a diagnosis.

Being "diagnosed" once had quite the effect on me as well. I thought I *had* to be diagnosed or I wouldn't get any help. (It hasn't, however, made much of a difference.) I guess what I'm saying is that it's a natural reaction.

My coping skills have progressively declined to where I feel like I'm a wreck now. I can't handle stress without getting a tremendous amount of self-negativity.

Like what? You talk down to yourself?

I haven't thought about telling the professor that; the derealization runs its course and sometimes leaves me too afraid to speak after blanking. But I should at least attempt an email

Yeah that can be tricky. Shoot for the email if you can. One good thing about having an credited diagnosis would be that you can register with the Students w/ Disability Services (or whatever it's called where you're at). They will work with your teacher to give you some leeway.

I've always have been told that people diagnosed with BP (either I or II) should be very wary of an anti-depressant; I think it has something to do with hypomanic and manic swings and suicidal thoughts...but I'm not sure. And the down talk is pretty nasty at times, I'm kinda grateful though that the term 'you' is used instead of 'I' (as in 'you're worthless' versus 'I'm worthless'). But that's a horse of a different colour (see thread on DID forum).

I don't know if I can register with student services; I've had a learning disability for a long time, but never had it recorded when I went to the college and university. It was an issue of money (being retested) and my own stigmatization about it (I was between 14-18 years old and not ready to come to terms with the label of a disability). Since I have a degree now, a four-year, I can't even apply for financial aid. But it'd be worth looking into registering with students with disabilities for the extra time on tests and assignments; especially in the summer terms when it's hectic.

I've always have been told that people diagnosed with BP (either I or II) should be very wary of an anti-depressant; I think it has something to do with hypomanic and manic swings and suicidal thoughts...but I'm not sure.

This is true, but I still think it's worth considering if things aren't improving.

And the down talk is pretty nasty at times, I'm kinda grateful though that the term 'you' is used instead of 'I' (as in 'you're worthless' versus 'I'm worthless'). But that's a horse of a different colour (see thread on DID forum).

I haven't seen your post in the DID forum but will try to find it. I also struggle with negative self-talk. My psychiatrist recommended I set aside five minutes a day to literally talk to/ask that voice if what it was saying was helpful--so, in the mornings, whenever I remember, I get some notebook paper and write out a back and forth conversation. Then I read it and try to come up with other things to say (i.e. 'you can't do anything right' becomes 'next time I can try this') and use those later. I then try to ignore it when it pops up throughout the day, because it's already had it's time. Does that make sense?

I don't know if I can register with student services;

Still, do look into it, it'd be great if you could! Are you taking a full load this summer?

No; I dropped to only one class this summer. I think the full course load for the summer terms is...two classes? Six credits...I think. I have two threads on the DID forum, the newer one is Calling out dormant fragments; advice please?, this one goes more in-depth than the original.

I talked aloud to one of them last night, and it was very comforting. Strange to make the conversation external, but relaxing and natural after a bit. It helped a lot with easing my fears today. They're not necessarily bad, just cynical or like to point out the negatives. But Sherpa, a name given to my immediate voice/thought/dialogue (not sure of the proper term), helped me calm down about today, giving me reassurance. She can either be positive, realistic, or harsh (in a motherly kinda way), and it's distinct from the negativity (dubbed Nocere; Latin for pain and suffering). Eh, I have a lot of schizotypal/schizoid traits; I just found a thread on there called Do you talk to yourself?. Apparently...it's very common, especially in the way that it happens to me. Distinctive dialogue and conversations.

Forgot to look into students with disability services today. The school helped me out and paid for one of my books, and I got tutoring (it's free at our school) on metric conversions. By the time I got home, I was well-versed. Not perfect, but a lot better than I was. It made the biology class much more enjoyable. Plus, we're moving on to using equipment ^.^

Hey, Denki. Sorry about the late reply--it's been a draining last few days!

I'm glad you're working to getting your issues out into the open. Hopefully we can all be of help here. I'm also having to take a repeat class/lab this summer, fun stuff no?

Well if you can't register with SWD for whatever reason, you can also still talk with your teacher. Good luck.