Eery feeling this all isn't real

Really sorry if this has been posted in the wrong forum area but here goes. When I was 13 I was waiting for my mum to come home to let me into the house. I didn't have a key at the time and she was a little late. I found a can of petrol in the back and sniffed it and thought it smelt nice so did it alot of times. Each time i sniffed I felt high so continued to do it. Without getting into the complexities of it all, everytime i would do it, i would run over to the trampoline, jump on it my dog would jump up and nip me on the stomach.

This went on for 30 minutes until i did 13 sniffs. I was thrown from the real world to some parallel universe and thought I had ultimately died, but I was still conscious and thought I knew the meaning of life. But the meaning of life was pure dread, terror, horror. It was nothing. Meaningless. I was able to walk out and I had this intense feeling of deja vu come over me, i knew these surroundings, there was this little boy and his dog in this garden, the thing was, time had stopped.

I was stuck here for eternity. And I knew it. Eventually this all wore off and I came back to my senses and my dog was my dog and that boy was my friend who had come to visit.

This scared the living daylights out of me, and unfortunately opened my mind up for the next 13 years to come. My parents had split up shortly after this and I began experimenting with drugs around 3 years later. My next encounter with this hellish place was when I tried a hit of salvia. I was thrown back into this world, i felt a strong presence around me. Almost one of #######3, laughing, like i was an experiment. I was stuck in a time loop. Couldn't get out. Again, I snapped out of it.

Fast forward another few years and I tried Ketamine, unbenowst to me, another dissociative. I was at a party and was making out with this girl. All of a sudden, my senses heightened and the deja vu set in. Now, everyone in the room began staring at me, the joke was on me and this was it. The end. This one was probably the worst, as it lasted alot longer than the others. I had to run out of the party with my friends chasing after me.

In 2013 i was studying for exams and ended up becoming hooked on adderall, it got so out of control that i got this feeling again, its as if this time loop is locking me in. I went through a 1 month long episode of psychotic mania diagnosed only by myself. The path I was studying for would not allow me to work should I ever be admitted to any institution. I fought my way out of it, but for the next 12 months I was getting PTSD and flashbacks like crazy.

Fast forward to last night, I had a dream, nothing insane, my dad told me in the dream that he had lost 1000 dollars but it was like this all made sense to me that this whole life i am living is a big game thats being played on me. I dont get this all the time, just some of the time. But after the Adderall incident it has never really been the same since. Today, me and my dad were in the car and he was talking to me about losing some money in the stock market, DEJA VU. I had recently told him about forex and he ended up putting in a few thousand and started making some really good money. Yesterday however, he had lost a bit.

This might not make much sense, but i have this incredible feeling that hes going to lose it all, then my mum will lose it all, and this will all end up in a big timeless loop until i get caught there once and for all and live out eternity in hell.

I'm really sorry if this doesn't make much sense and so sorry for the length of the post but i needed to get this off my chest. After writing it down it does seem pretty silly but I don't know what sort of condition it might be that i might have.

I am actually a very successful entrepreneur, go to the gym daily, successful with women and have lots of friends. I don't suffer from anger attacks or anything of that nature, this all goes on inside my head. Whenever i get this deja vu i get this insanely evil feeling in my stomach. I often wonder why this stuff has to be evil in life, why could there not be good instead of bad with these episodes. Baffles me.

Anyway thanks for reading and I would really appreciate a response.

Hi, it does sound a little silly! Just wondering why did you keep doing drugs? There is no way anyone can change reality, as long as your alive it will all be normal. You cannot be in that spiral forever. Believe me when i had a bad trip on weed i felt like that too and i feel as if i now know what hell feels like... But its just DRUGS nothing will happen if you stop taking them. Take care x