Feel like a prisoner in my body

I'm new here and I don't know if this is the right place to be posting what I am feeling.

I don't really know what I'm feeling or how to describe it, but I know something is very wrong with me. I have been experiencing depression for about 5 months because I believe something is wrong, but my parents believe it's due to external factors.

I feel as if I have no thoughts in my mind ever, everything that I'm doing is mechanical. I feel no empathy, or sympathy, I can't relate to people's feelings or emotions, they seem foreign to me because I feel like I never experience those emotions. I also have zero close friends, and I feel like the only people who love me are my family. I love my parents too, but it's difficult knowing they are normal and I have to live with this for the rest of my life. Every time they deny anything is wrong with me I get so frustrated and angry because they are not inside my head only I am!! I feel like a prisoner in this body. I feel like I'm watching people like. I'm 20 years old, and I mechanical brush my teeth or wash my hair or pick out clothes, I don't put a thought into it like most people.

Also, I know most people fear for their future and it's normal, which is why my parents think nothing of it when I tell them I'm scared. But the reason I am scared is because I have ABSOUTELY no thought process in my head. My head is blank about 100% of the time. I don't have any significant memories of the past and I basically cannot remember anything about my past and the reason is I'm passively at every event, so I can't remember fine details as to what happened where.

My race is Indian and my parents are hoping that I will carry on the legacy and go something great with my life and I want to fulfill this, but at the same time how can I do that with how I am living? It all is very surreal to explain and I feel like no one will understand. Does anyone ever feel like this?

My parents keep threatening me that, "Do you really want to go to a psychiatrist or therapist and take medications?" They are really not helping and I feel so alone I don't know what to do anymore. Someone please tell me I'm not alone and you are feeling the same way? How can I cope with these feelings?

¨Every time they deny anything is wrong with me I get so frustrated and angry because they are not inside my head only I am!!¨

I know exactly how you feel....! No one understands what you're going through, except you! All I can say is that if they are not feeling what you are feeling (DP/DR) then they can't understand. And I know that is heart breaking. But I care, because I understand the pain. DP/DR does manifest uniquely for everyone too.

How long ago did this all start (depersonalization/derealization)? All I can say for sure is that it will lessen in intensity, if it just started for you. TIme I am being honest. You can talk to me if you want, if that will help you right now.

Do you know of any traumatic experiences in your life. Can you make a list of them? Writing may help a bit, if that's your thing. Trauma and extreme stress (and drugs) are what can cause this state to come into being. So if you confront trauma from the past, talk about it, reveal it... this terrible state may lessen.

I feel the exact same way and most people with depersonalization do also. The difference with me though is that rather than my mind being blank, my mind is always flying around at 1000 miles per hour about stuff that has nothing to do with my task at hand. It makes me come off as very "spacey" and clumsy and just plain dumb. You should check out my thread below called "EVERYONE SHOULD SEE THIS" it has some tips on helping get rid of DP. Other than that I'd suggest you just try to push through it. Either what your going through is temporary or its not, either way you have to try to be present and live your life to the fullest. Also try to engage in something that takes your focus/your inner eye off of yourself.

Sounds like you're really having a rough time. I hope things start getting better for you soon.

I wonder if there might be some cultural influence going on. I don't know about Indian culture, do you think there might be an element of shame going on? Some cultures don't like to admit or recognize mental illness. My psych Dr is Indian and she has literally saved my life, plus a great therapist. I don't know but it popped into my mind.

I don't know why parents don't listen to their kids when something like this is going on. It's not only frustrating but it could also be dangerous.

My DP is more like seeing myself from the outside. I can see myself doing things and have no power to stop it. I am usually doing bad things when this happens. Lately though when it happens I just feel like I am not real. It's disorienting to say the least.

**TW**
I can sympathise with you about your parents not liztening to you even when you say you are scared. When I was about 10-11 my neighbor was molesting me. He made threats of death to my family if I ever told. One day I was rageful angry and wanted to kill something, literally. I really wanted to do that. I told my mom that and told her that I didn't feel like I could control and begged her to take me to the dr. Her solution instead was to make me bite her finger. She ignored the huge red flag right in her face. No 10 year old should feel that way. I never hurt anything though. Just tore a bunch of crap up and stomped around my room until I was exhausted. **end tw**

So you're not alone. There iz no medicine that I know of to help relieve DP/DR. But therapy might help and if they ask you if you really want to go see a therapist, tell them yes in no un certain terms and maybe a T can help you learn how to deal and find out why you're feeling the way you do.

I worry about your memory loss, to me that's a red flag. But that's just my opinion. Everything I wrote is just my opinion based on my own life experiences. Writing everyday though might be helpful as was suggested in the previous post.

I wish you well and healing.