Any insight or people to talk?

First off I cant afford therapy and have tried to find free resources but they don't seem to be available, if anyone knows of something that would be great if you could let me know about it.

I started suffering symptoms of depersonalization about two years ago. I thought I was doing myself a favor by not questioning it. I thought I had found away to put off my depression until I could get around to fixing it. I thought my auto pilot performance was beneficial at work, and work was all I had going for myself in the loneliness of my depression.

I began to hate everyone for how they got through life, I was extremely cynical, feeling as though everyone was getting through life by their smile or their sexuality no was being more honest or realistic than me. I couldn't understand how anyone could feel good about this existence. What part of this #######5 reality were they not facing?

As I realized how serious this autopilot was I realized I couldn't control it. I was getting by by being low key, awkward and not saying more than 200 words a day to people I saw regularly. I became reclusive fearing that I was going insane and that I couldn't relate to anyone other than on sad depressing issues. I never shared my feelings verbally or expressively I felt weak and sub-human, like I wasn't not good or relevant enough for any situation. All of the symptoms still exist partially to this day and only when I'm truly relaxed and comfortable and happy can I be totally myself, and that is a rare thing.

This anxiety is killing me and I need someone to talk to hopefully on the phone or skype to attempt a friendship, I cant keep living like this. I'm intelligent and decently knowledgeable please contact me if you're interested. If not hopefully you can tell me something about soothing about living or recovery.

Thanks for giving me some of your time.

-W

Hey, I can definitely relate to feeling on auto pilot. It can help, but it really isn't comfortable. Even though I can't really talk to you on skype or phone, I hang around here if you want someone to talk or vent to. I'm not always great for conversation, but my PM box is always open.

Welcome to the forums .

You should check out: depersonalizationrecovery.com The actuall program costs 95$ but theres alot of free videos with really good tips as well