Through a Glass Pane

I've talked to my therapist about this on multiple occasions. When I talk to people or walk around, it feels as if the world is water-logged or I'm looking through a pane of glass. Not all the time, but enough that I felt I should bring it up. She told me I was a self-inducing trances to deal with the moment, and as our sessions went on, she finally begged the question if I had ever been abused.

The answer is no, never physical or emotional abuse. My mother was very emotionally supportive (sometimes liable), and while my father was emotionally stingy and distant (he's gotten much better now that my parents divorced), my step-father tended to make up for it. While my therapist mentioned emotionally distant can be as bad as abuse, I don't think this is a reason for my derealizations.

I say derealizations because, like my username, my world seems so dreamy and surreal. I feel as if I'm floating, and when I talk to people I don't always recognize my voice. I've always listened to music and induced traces to get ready for the day or to drift into a fantasy world; it's just helped me cope with everyday stressors; I'm a heavy daydreamer and zone out a lot. However, this presents problems when talking to professors....

I have anxiety as it is, and while it's been tremendously better since therapy and medicine, it still rears it's head in conversation. So whenever I try to ask I question, my body trances me out of the moment, my body goes on auto-pilot, and I stammer out a question. Does anybody else experience these feelings? I'm not diagnosed with depersonalization disorder, but I do meet a good deal of the criteria (for depersonalization and schizotypal personality disorder) . What are some good methods of grounding yourself in conversation?

My doctor explained to me once that depersonalization/derealization can happen as a result of anxiety; in fact, it is somewhat common in those with anxiety disorders; before it was discovered that my dissociative things were more severe, the depersonalization was attributed to my anxiety. Your mind trys to cope with the extreme anxiety by shutting things out.

It can be difficult to ground yourself in such situations, but if you have techniques you use to calm the anxiety, that depersonalization/derealization stuff will likely go away as the anxiety subsides. So try to focus on calming the anxiety foremost; hopefully that will help with the rest.

From what I've learned it seems like dissociation is a way that your mind uses to distract you from unpleasant thoughts. You may have not gone through classical "abuse" but your mind has a way to avoid things that are bothering you. There is probably some thought or fear or something underneath it that's making it go on.

I can relate to your description. I feel like I'm on one side of the world and the rest is on the "other side" of the glass. The world seems flat and unreal. I feel like a ghost.

What I've found that's helped me is to precisely discuss the things I don't want to talk about. I don't know if it'll work for you but it helps me.

There are some websites out there that help to ground people (search "grounding techniques"...). One of the things they tell you is to do something to engage your senses (like holding an ice cube, listening to music, smelling something). Here's a site with examples http://www.pandys.org/articles/grounding.html.

I'm not sure if these will work for you, but I hope they help with dealing with anxiety. I hope you feel better in the future though.

Thanks you guys. It's been better lately, maybe because I've been more consistent with my meds and school (while still stressful, there's not as many tests at the moment) has been not as bad.
^·^ thank you again

I can relate 100% to you in this all. So much. Although I do have an abuse history, I can still relate to your experiences. Would be happy to share with you if you are interested and not wanting to feel so alone. I have posted about it on the forums extensively. Blessings and 100% support to you.

Chantel ~

You have a very pretty name Chantel; one of my favorite chanteuse has the name Chantel Claret
Back to the subject though, we (the therapist and I) have been discussing my moodiness. As of late, the episodes of depression and hypomania have been SWINGING around, and it's been awful She figures bipolar (probably type 2, but I still think cyclothymia...) because it's been wavy for about going on four years; just more erratic right now due to stressors. However, I digress...I noticed that some of the derealizations happen when my mood is up. I guess it's because the world feels sped up and it causes that detached feeling??
:/ It's a theory...

That's a theory, yes. It could be that. Ultimately only your T and you will be able to figure this out together.
If you need anything feel free to PM me. If you need any input or anything. Like I said, I understand. You are NOT alone. Our pasts may be different but some of the symptoms (whatever their cause be) are similar.
Oh, and thanks. It's actually my middle name.