I don't have a personality!

Hello

I dont have any things that I enjoy doing.... when I'm surfing on the internet i usually just stay on 3 sites or something and swith inbetween... just automatically. I don't know what really interests me about it too. It feels like im really bored and just empty inside, like a vakuum shell... im gazing from my empty soul.

When I talk to people I'm the same, although I try to keep a fasscade of fake emotions and facial expressions... I miss the conecction to people and would really like to be apart of it. I would really enjoy being apart an emotional realm... where you share emotions with each other and connect to others. I feel like I have not developed a personality or something, because I only react to events around me and nothing arises inside me which could be expressed. Even now as I write, I doesnt feel like its really an emotional concern of "myself".

When someone ask's me: What do you want to do? I ususall get uncompfortable... then I think and even my thought becomes like something not of myself. I think something and express my thought (with no emotion) and then I have expressed that thought. But it doesnt feel like my intention or personality. Just like a statement of a thought of that moment. My Thoughts often seem to be independantly from myself.

I just want to become "one" again with my thoughs have feelings again.

I have a need to express... a need to be someone, so that i know who i am. What can i do?

Can't really give you solid advice but less than a month ago I was convinced that I didn't get depressed no memories or emotions that represented depression were there. I wasn't happy, or sad or anything really. I was a burden on my family.

Then yellow came in. As soon as I felt this ball of yellow in my consciousness I started to feel sad again. Coming and going.

Now that yellow is there, I understand and have memories of being depressed.

Maybe you're going through the same thing?

You just kind of "forgot" how it worked and you are blocking those emotions out including any memories associated with those emotions.

It'll come back at some point. It did for me.

Sounds really similar to me, except I like it here. I don't have to worry about all those ups and downs, although you have to lie more often its far easier to and doesn't really effect you. If lying makes you feel uncomfortable, it's probably not permanent though, so if I were you I'd try focussing on the good sides of you current mental state, do your best to enjoy it, and celebrate when it's over.