Pursuit of repersonalization

I could probably be an example of a textbook case of Depersonalization but the thing is I never asked for help. The people I have told about this constant dreamlike state that I have had for so long that I fear what would happen if it were fixed/cured. Truly, It's been so long that I can't even recall an onset but some things hurt because somewhere inside I recall how certain things felt. Years on end constantly just feeling like my mind and my body are separate and im pretty much controlling it with strings. Despite this I'm not depressed but it is maddening and I can admit I fear it going away.

I often wonder If I get this fixed what if everything is "too" real or if I have waited too long. I've never been able to summon the courage to speak to my primary care doctor about this, I want to but this feeling of ...I guess embarrassment overtakes me. I told myself I will set up an appointment with him tomorrow...but I won't.

Hey doc, I've felt numb and like I've been dreaming for x number of years.

Lately I have been feeling just drained by some miracle I hope I wake up with this feeling finally gone.