Eating too much, getting fat and not caring

Since i became depersonalized I started eating tons of food. In about 1.5 years I gained 30 pounds. It feels like eating food is the only thing I am able to truly enjoy and feel the experience. I lead an active life style, make very creative work, work out, meet people and in general work hard on pursuing things in life. But NOTHING, absolutely nothing lets me feel pleasure or joy. It's more of a mental experience, I KNOW when something good is happening, but I never feel it. Acknowledge the good things but there is no emotional joy. So food is the only thing that gives me some sort of joy and I can't stop it. I have been slender all my life and now I feel fat. It frustrates me tremendously but at the same time I can't bring myself to care about it enough to stop overeating. Eating is real real and now, being thing is some sort of am imagined goal and I can't convince myself to be reasonable about eating. I've tried so many things, I work out a lot, go on diets some times, but all comes back to eating, eating more, and more. And if this doesn't stop I will become an ugly fat lady which will make it hard to meet a partner and have a chance at finding a relationship that perhaps would let me feel something again. I've accepted being in the state of depersonalization. But my life is so bland no matter what I don. Sometimes it's unbearable. I move through life, try to all the right things, be good to other people, kind, caring. But on the inside I feel blank. There is no pain. But also no joy. At this point I am ready for pain again just to have a chance at feeling happy sometimes, even a little bit...

I, too, tend to have trouble with eating large amounts when I get into those depersonalized states. Here's some tips, what I try to do.

You could try eating foods with stronger flavors; that tends to make people eat less, feel more satisfied quicker. For example, rather than milk chocolate, try darker chockolate (plus that's less sugar and stuff anyway). You could also try eating foods that fill people up more, like nuts. Get yourself used to eating foods that are healthier, lower fat and stuff. Breads/what-based foods also have lots of calories, and the stuff in them typically make you want to keep eating them too, as well as makes you tired once eating a lot, so when you have a sandwhich or hamburger you could only use one piece of bread. Also, snack on carrots and apples and things, since you can eat a whole lot of those. It's very possible to eat large amounts of foods without such adverse effects; it all depends on what you eat (you'll just have to get used to carrots rather than chips, etc! As you eat more of the healthy stuff, actually, you start to become adverse to the less healthy things- fried foods and things become less desireable, etc. since your body knows they're bad, but was just used to them before). I even saw a nutritionist to get help making my diet healthier.

So, that's what I try to do to counter the large desire to eat food when depersonalized. Good luck!