Mind Techniques for Depersonalization

Hi all.. I'm new here and found this forum through googling about this "disorder". It's so hard to explain to people, so finding threads on here and other various websites helps me tremendously. Basically, I feel so disconnected from everything- emotions, people, objects. I just go about the day but I'm not really here, it seems like. I don't feel passionate about anything.. but I have nothing to be sad about. I cannot remember when I even started feeling this way (I know it was over a year ago). A year ago, I started seeing a psychiatrist. When I talked to him, he told me that I had anxiety disorder and mild depression. He put me on prozac. I hated it.. it made me feel more numb than I already was. After about 3-4 months of that, I quit taking it. Then, he put me on xanax because I told him I wanted to try something that I didn't have to take all of the time, only when I was feeling anxious (at the suggestion of someone else). I didn't really take it much. Mostly before bed so that I could actually fall asleep instead of feeling anxious about everything. The last four months have been the worst for me.. it seems my anxiety has peeked. I've been having panic attacks, feeling EXTREMELY depersonalized (which makes my anxiety go bonkers), and literally feeling like I'm going "crazy". I went back to the psychiatrist and told him, and he had me try buspar. After two days of taking it, I realized I hated that worse than anything.. it made me sick (stomach pains) and it made my anxiety 100x worse. I haven't seen him since (my next appt is in May but I am seriously considering cancelling). I hate medications.

Last night, I went to a therapist for the first time. I decided that I needed to get to the root of my problems instead of just taking random meds. There wasn't much progress last night as it was a "get to know you" type of meeting - but it gave me hope.. she says she has dealt with other people with this type of problem and that my childhood experiences could be affecting me now since I never really got over them before. Although, I don't recall anything traumatic happening to me, I did have a lot of bad experiences as a child.. (I feel like they shouldn't be affecting me this way though - but I guess they are). It makes sense and it gives me hope that there could be something that is causing this (knowing that it is isn't just random makes me feel less crazy..).

Right now, I am taking Rosavin. It is a natural herb that someone suggested to me (it worked for him to help with anxiety). It is helping with my anxiety a bit and I don't have the dopey feeling like with xanax.. but the depersonilization is still there. It seems like the only thing that really makes me feel normal is adderall. 10mg of XR once a day is fine.. I haven't taken it in a couple of weeks because I was trying that Buspar $#%^ (and now Rosavin). I am scared to take it. I feel like it could make depersonilzation worse rather than better and I don't want to have to take meds to be normal..

Does anyone have any advice?

TLDR: Anyone know any techniques for the mind to help with depersonilzation? I read online someone tried a type of focusing technique.. where they would take objects and focus on them (the colors, the shapes, etc) and eventually it might bring you out of this completely?

I need advice. This is affecting my relationships, my work ethic, my motivation for anything.. halp :'(