Help with DPD famiy member

I am new to the forum. Really looking for some help right now with a son who may have DPD.
I have read some of the forum posts and there are some very good responses to some of the
questions. I myself am not a very interactive person unless someone has problems.
I have deep empathy for people almost to the point of actually feeling what they
feel. If it was not for that and the fact that I have too much emotion, I
would well qualify for a Schizoid personality myself.
My son is over 40. Very good son growing up. He seemed independent and made good
decisions, He applied himself to any task and I would brag about his accomplishments .If I told
him I loved him or complimented him, he would say “You say that because you are my Mom”
he never seemed to believe me no matter what I told him that was positive. I never criticized
him because he looked so hurt with it that I never could do that..
Son grows up, meets girl, moves from the south to northeast.. Several years after moving
and close to the marriage of the girl, he started to change. After his son was born he
got to the point of hateful and abusive in his communication with me, finally trashing
me in a scathing email as well as everyone in my family. I have not talked to him now
for 1 ½ years because with his last email I had to finally give up on it because I could
not take it any more. I told him I loved him and would always be there for him.
Why would such a respectful, wonderful son turn around so completely? I asked for
advice on the board from a professional and they told me he may have DPD. I read
up on this and believe they are correct. It at least moved me to an active direction.
My son never calls or contacts me. I really feel like he needs to talk because I am the
one who understands how he has been for the 23 years I lived with him. He says his
personality has changed. After reading up on DPD I think his personality has actually
become much stronger as a DPD. The 2 closest people to him: mother-in-law was
a counselor for the state working with disturbed children and wife who is a psychiatrist
who works with children. Go figure.
As I understand it, a DPD can transfer from one person to another and totally write off
the first person. But your own mother?
I have left him alone thinking that may be the best.
This matter has bothered me so much for so long that I plan to get it solved.
I don’t want to email him because that is part of the problem in communication. His
emails are usually upsetting. If I call him he may see my phone number and not answer.
Back to square one with me.
The behavior he has displayed seems very unhealthy,. To me, this condition is hard to understand.
I have read a lot about DPD and I am not sure it makes me feel better.
Should I continue to leave him alone? Or
should I call him (he may not answer if he sees my number)?
Should I email him and ask him to call me?
Should I call and yell at him for his disrespect? I have rarely yelled at him.
If I contact him, do I let him know what the problem may be and to seek couseling?
I am a person who has no problem admitting that everything I have done in life is not perfect.
I have many flaws and made many mistakes. But I have carried this hurt for many
years. This is the one person I trusted, loved and respected more than anyone. I trust
no one now. I am not sure I can trust him or anything he says. He fooled me for a long time.
Any responses, or suggestions would be appreciated.
mslarew

did you spoil/protect him very much when he was younger? did you give him much freedom?

I did overprotect him when he was very young. He was a very quiet child
but was allowed a lot of freedom when he was old enough to go out to play.
He was stuck with the Dr. Spock philosophy era which I cannot believe I was
stupid enough to pay any attention to. But children do not come with
instructions.