NEW MEMBER NEEDS ADVICE ON WHETHER OR NOT HIS EX LOVE IS HPD

Hi!

Might as well start off with an enthusiastic exclamation mark ay, so where to start. I'm 30 year old guy from London. I was recently involved in a relationship that I thought could go all the way. Up until it ended I wasn't aware that she could of had hpd or elements of a disorder although her behaviour at times did make me wonder. It was only on the day that she decided to skip town (countries infact) and fabricated a lie to justify her actions I actually thought that perhaps something other than just a difference of opinion was wrong. I have been following this forum and it has helped a great deal and so want to thank anyone who has posted with there experiences. What I am dearly hoping to gain from this is to know one way or another whether the girl I love has a genuine problem. I rarely second guess myself but in this case I feel its absolutely necessary to get as much information as possible before making any assumptions. Obviously we all know that we can't diagnose but what I would like to find out whether or not the experiences I've gone through are similar to that of others who've experienced a hpd relationship.

I have read the DSM IV and for the most part she mildly fits 5 or 6 out of the 8 traits. The problem I guess I'm having is that the two main ones don't seem to be present. She doesn't seem to obviously crave attention from everyone in the room (in fact she's quite shy). She certainly doesn't command the attention of all around her by telling wild lavish stories, and she is not overly extraverted (although she does dress unusually (been stopped twice for fashion mags) and she will always want my attention at a party or constantly need to know when I'm coming home or wanting me to walk her to work and basically hates being alone. Another which relates to sexual orientation confusion is that she seems to have a group of guy friends half of whom are either gay, seem like they might be gay but pretend to act straight or are completely in the closet. She flirts with them and has even made out with one a few times in the beginning stages of our relationship. I actually saw this and it was brushed off like it was nothing and then turned it around on me for getting upset. (I put my foot down, I knew that that was pretty messed up) I'd like to list examples of other traits but don't want to go on for a first post.

So I guess this is just me saying hi and looking to seek solace in people who have had similar experiences. I'll leave with the most surprising thing she did which kicked off all this research and that is she moved back a week early to Canada forfeiting half way through a great internship she was very excited to have. She also left all her belongings, including all her clothes, shoes and make up. She had plenty of time to come and get them and was in absolutely no danger whatsoever of bumping into me (the only reason for not getting them you would think?). I thought this very odd, that coupled with a few pathological lies opened up this carousel of endless questioning. I guess I just want to be clear in my mind on what is and isn't considered acceptable behaviour. Thanks so much for reading and would love to hear from anyone that would be interested in offering feedback or listening to the whole story (which I will keep as succinct and to the point). This is on my mind all day, everyday as I still love her very much and genuinely feel that I'm the only one who's seen the real person behind the mask and potentially the only person who can convince her to get help. (perhaps I'm suffering from hero syndrome but I really feel its possible she could go on the next 5 or 10 years living a lie when If I'd of handled things differently she may of come round. She is a good person at heart. I don't believe she is too far gone yet which is why I'm here, perhaps I'm in denial but she doesn't seem as bad as some of the others I've read on here. There does seem to be light, just how much light I don't know...Anyway all the best and please write back as I'm desperate for feedback on this.

Much love

Sincerely

Hey dude,

I'm up in Leicester, but I've only been living in the Uk for one year. There's not much info on her that you've given here, and therefore it's impossible to say what it is she has. On face value, one couldn't even say that what she has is a problem. She just sounds like an eccentric - one who likes to do things differently and never wants to see normal. I'm male, but I'm much the same, in that I do my damnest to not follow fashion trends, or any other trends. Then again, I have OCD diagnosed and suspect that I have a mild form of autism.

You will simply have to get on with your own life without her I feel, especially now that she has emigrated (hasn't she?; to Canada?). You're hardly going to remain in london rejecting other girls just for her, are you? If you were to do that, then you'd have to be certain that she wants to be with you, but that certainty is simply non-esistent. I'd argue that she would respect you more if you actually got on with your own life. It might make her want you more- who knows. Remain in touch with her as much as you can, but only see her as a good friend, and not more.

I have experience with a HPD girl - whom I dated - but there simply isn't enough in your post to say that your girl has it.

Kevin