Figured out the problem-looking for the solution

I was diagnosed with dependent personality disorder a few years ago, but didnt really understand it. I knew that it meant I was a dependent person-but that's about it. At that time I was married to a man that I think is even more dependent than I am so my emotional needs were filled in that area and I also was raising 4 children. However, since that time, I have been divorced and all of my children have left home. (two are in college-one is in the military serving in Iraq, and the youngest decided in January to go live with his father 7 hours away. Since all of this happened-things have gotten dramatically worse for me-more so all the time it seems. I have been seeing a counselor almost every week for over a year now and we have talked alot about my self esteem, and learning to be more independent. However, it seems like I take 2 steps forward and 5 steps back! Since my divorce 18 months ago I have already been in 4 other relationships-none of which have lasted more than 3 or 4 months. Each time the relationshipp ends- I am more and more devistated than the last time! My most recent boyfriend broke up with me just 2 days ago and I was so totally devistated that if there is a next one- I am pretty sure I will go insane. I stayed with my parents for 2 days because I was absolutely unable to return to my home and be alone. During that time- I spent alot of time thinking about what was wrong with me and the disorder diagnosis finally came back to my mind and as I looked back on my past I can see that this disorder is totally taking over my life and is getting worse all the time! Each time someone breaks up with me I take it harder than the last time-but then I go out and find someone new right away-which of course only lasts a short time also. I realize now that this disorder is the cause of all of my relationships--but also the cause of none of them lasting. After studying on the internet about this disorder- I see that I fit alot of the characteristics except one thing; I am sometimes overly passive--but sometimes I am actually aggressive! I let my partner get by with almost anything as long as they are nice to me-but if they show any small sign of unhappiness with me or unlovingness- I get very upset. I dont say or do much about it-but they know I am upset--but I also have a tendency to use alcohol as a coping strategy-and when I have some in my system I get aggressive. That aggressiveness is getting more pronounced as time goes along! I also have realized that I am a very jealous person! When the man I am dating talks to another woman I get upset. It's not that I think they will cheat on me-its more that I think they do or will come to like that person better than me and break up with me. But when that happens, I get sulky and sarcastic and just overall unpleasant to be around. Thus-the short term relationships! However, when my partner attempts to break up with me-I turn around and apologize and BEG them not to leave. Eventually they do anyway and I am devistated. I realize the problem now and am trying desperately to fix it because I know that I will never have a successful relationship with anyone until I solve this huge problem that I have. Now that I have realized that-I have made the decision that I absolutely HAVE to stay out of bars and public drinking places (my actions while drinking make other people not like me and thats something I cant stand) and that I HAVE to stay OUT of close relationships of any kind because I know what will happen. I need to become ok being alone-but that is so much harder than most people understand! I found this forum on the internet and thought it would help me to have contact and imput from other people who really DO understand! Am I doing the right thing? Will it help? Will this disorder ever really go away? Will I EVER be able to have a healthy relationship with anyone? I read on the internet that "long term therapy" is the only thing that might help (other than my meds for depression and anxiety). What does "long term" mean? I am 42 years old-and feel like I dont have that much time! Any answers to my questions, or any advise? If nothing else-I would just like some responses-since-you know-I AM a dependent person and dont really have anyone to depend on. I am hoping that alittle internet contact with people that understand will help me to do the rest on my own. Thanks for reading and please reply.

Hi, trying_hard! Welcome to the forum. I think that taking some time to be alone and figure things out is a good idea. Maybe it doesn't have to be for ever, just until you become stronger. And you do have this forum for support. Do you think that trying to figure out why you have this disorder might help? It might make you feel like you have more control over the situation, but you can look forward to the future, you don't have to think about the past all the time.
I'm sorry you got divorced and your kids moved away. You'll still see them and your getting better might be good for them too.