I may have traits of this, requesting advice on how to...

... Overcome.

Yo all,
I suspect I have traits of this (along with avpd traits) which I beleive at the very least comes from low self-confidence/self-esteem, which would explain why I am not always like this as it depends on my confidence (I am aware there are other dynamics to this).

It's at the level where I am semi-independent and have forced myself to be alright alone, but still experience a feeling of loss, loneliness, and foreboding where I am alone for a period of time, a bit like adult separation anxiety, through online self-help and self-training I can cope with being alone, but again these feelings still prevail. I do not really want to seek professional help for this as honestly I am a little ashamed or off-put over being like this anyway, although potentially I might bring it up or the issue in question up but I still feel I won't be taken seriously or helped attending a professional.

If anyone has books or online resources on this would be appreciated, with the relevant forum here seems like the best place to post. Thanks.

As far as I know, dependent PD is people that can't function without someone else taking decisions for them, so they take responsibility for nothing.

What you are talking about is the feeling of loneliness. Now, there are two things. Actually being isolated and the feeling. They are totally different. Some people that feel lonely are not isolated and vice versa, isolated people don't feel lonely.

Isolation is fairly easy to fix, you just have to do social activities.

Feeling lonely is harder, it depends on what drives it, but usually it is a fantasy that being socially successful is important if not a must. You are a winner by the amount of "friends" you have or followers, or "likes". Of course that is far from being true, most of those are losers. Still it is a fantasy people have and is usually more or less why people feel lonely. Either because they don't have the numbers, or they are not quality. So to fix it is to know there is more to life then this, and you will die alone anyway, so ultimately you loose. It helps when you realize 95% of all your problems come from other people, including especially feelings of loneliness.

Funnily, I think the best way is to actually isolate, it's how you learn to be self-sufficient and find hobbies that don't involve others. Then you won't feel lonely because others are not in the picture. They play their games, you play yours. They win by their own rules which is a fake win, and you win by your own that is a real win that don't rely on other's rules. If you play by other people's rules, you always loose, because they want to win too and since they make the rules, it's pretty cheating.

So yeah, it's like anything, it's about training and fighting off delusions or grandeur.

1PolarBear wrote: isolated people don't feel lonely.

I thought they did, I didn't know this.
Thanks for the response, this was a good read. I still do feel I suffer from dpd traits however, on the criteria list, I fit only 2 thankfully, mainly feeling uncomfortable when alone, although I do feel lonely, the feeling is rooted more in a dread or anxious sort of feeling, as if the walls were closing in and I am suffocating. Maybe it's adult separation anxiety. I hope it is just loneliness.

Ubinix800 wrote:

1PolarBear wrote: isolated people don't feel lonely.

I thought they did, I didn't know this.

I mean sometimes, not always. But if you choose it, eventually you get used to it and would not want it anyway else, at least it's my experience. It does not happen overnight, it's training. But even before that, I felt more lonely with people than without. It's more an issue of fitting in or not, and I don't.

Ubinix800 wrote:Thanks for the response, this was a good read. I still do feel I suffer from dpd traits however, on the criteria list, I fit only 2 thankfully, mainly feeling uncomfortable when alone, although I do feel lonely, the feeling is rooted more in a dread or anxious sort of feeling, as if the walls were closing in and I am suffocating. Maybe it's adult separation anxiety. I hope it is just loneliness.

I would say it's seen as an existential threat. For some reason you believe being with someone makes you exist and when nobody is there, you don't. But that's not totally true, it's only your social existence, but your true self needs nobody.

The thing about traits is that in isolation, pretty much everybody has them to a degree usually. Not all traits, but most of them. So it does not mean much, but whatever, it does not matter.