My girlfriend has always struggled with abandonment issues. I know it's not BPD because she only meets 3 of the criteria for it.
I think she's dependent because of how she can't be alone. She has panic attacks whenever I don't respond to her or if I have to be away from her, even for a short amount of time, and seeks out the company (not romantic) of others when I am gone. She threatens to hurt herself sometimes, if I choose to go do something that isn't with her. She can make decisions on her own, but is always indecisive and will cry or panic when faced with a big one. She needs constant reassurance that she is loved and that I'm not going to leave her, and constantly forces me to promise her that I'll text her. We're on call almost 24/7 because of our inability to be apart (I'm unable to be apart from her as well; I've got BPD).
Recently, she begged me not to go to a friend's birthday celebration because she couldn't stand being alone. She threatened to hurt herself if I went. (Don't tell me our relationship is toxic. I already know.) She overthinks everything and always assumes I'm leaving her, especially when I'm splitting.
She's suicidal, depressed, and self-harmful. She has extreme depression and anxiety, especially separation anxiety.
These are some criteria from psychologytoday.com:
Difficulty making decisions without reassurance from others
Extreme passivity (meets this)
Problems expressing disagreements with others (meets this)
Avoiding personal responsibility
Avoiding being alone (meets this)
Devastation or helplessness when relationships end meets this
Unable to meet ordinary demands of life
Preoccupied with fears of being abandoned meets this
Easily hurt by criticism or disapproval meets this
Willingness to tolerate mistreatment and abuse from others meets
So is she DPD, or does she just have severe anxiety?