relationship to relationship

Im have only just turned 20 years old and have had 3 relationships all lasting 2 years.


My mother died in my early teens. Shortly after i met a boy i was with for 2 years. 2 weeks after we broke up i met someone else and moved in with them after a few months and was also with him 2 years. one month after we broke up i moved another man strait in and he moved out 3 weeks ago after 2.5 years. Last week i met someone else and im already falling for him even though im trying not too.

The thought of being single really scares me. The relationships have been violent and abusive, i've put up with domestic violence, drink and drug abuse on their part. When im in a relationship i dont bother with my family and friends and hate being without them and spending time appart from each other. I need to know what there doing all of the time. I hate myself for being like this, for example, even after my ex beet me cause he was drunk and walked out, i phoned saying sorry begging him to come back.

I have not been diagnosed with DPD but ive been reading up on it and it sounds like me exacly. I have always known there was something not right. i went to see the doctor when i was 14/15 years old and was put on tablets for anxiety & depression but that didn't really work. I would like your opinion and some advice please.