Scared to work

Hi, I'm a 37 year old guy that has a very strange problem. I think I might have DPD but I'm not sure. I also think I might have Avoidant as well. Anyway, I've worked with a cousin in a real estate business for about 7 years. Recently I had an epiphany and realized that just about all my clients and deals through the years have come through her. I've hardly gotten any myself. I also realize that my life has basically "revolved" around her and her husband's for almost a decade with myself taking on their friends as mine and my life sorta being empty except when i'm around them.

Now the real estate has slowed here and I'm not getting deals from her anymore. I have decided I need to separate from my cousin and be a self sufficient guy. After four months however, I find that I am literally afraid to get a job. The thought of driving to some building or office somewhere without me being "around" my cousin scares me. I feel like an idiot, but I can't deny that the fear is really there.

for further background, when I was younger, just out of college, I had been offered several prestigious assistant jobs in hollywood that I turned down because I would get panic attacks at the point of just about getting hired. I did hold a couple of long term temp jobs in the past, but I was also either living at home at the time, or living with my cousin.

Anyway, now that I'm looking back on the years, I'm see a pattern and it sounds like DPD to me. What do you guys think? How can I cure or solve this problem? I mean, if I don't start my own career and move ahead in life, how am I ever going to get a wife or afford a house and a family? Is what i'm describing DPD or something else? I need help.

Only a professional can give you a diagnosis that applies to you, but I can tell you a little bit about my behavior as a person diagnosed with Avoidant Personality Disorder.

I never had to live alone until early in 2005 when I was 46 years old. I did not have the awareness of having a disorder until then. I went from my parents' house to my husband's house when I was 18. I had someone else's interest that I could place above my own for 19 years. While tending to all of the needs of a husband and children, I paid no attention to what I needed or what I was feeling. About a year after my divorce, I was in a live-together relationship for 8 years. Again, I satisfied my partner's needs above my own. I did not do this with any ulterior motives or out of neediness, this is just what I thought I was supposed to do.

My point is that I had no AvPD symptoms when I was in these relationships. They showed up once I was on my own and had no support system. I have had the same job ever since we moved here in 1992 because I am afraid to try to find something better. I avoid doing anything that involves leaving my apartment. Even inside, I avoid answering the door and the telephone. I did not avoid so severely when I was in the two relationships I mentioned earlier. I had someone to "hide" behind. Now I am totally exposed; there is no one on whom I can deflect attention.

I have not read very much yet about the Dependent Personality, but I really see some of my behavior in your sentences. It sounds like you have an Avoidant Personality or the lesser condition of Social Anxiety. Especially similar is the fact that you and I both felt anxiety when we were doing things on our own. I am beginning to think that I might have had a Dependent Personality Disorder that was hidden while I was busy being a wife and a mother. Now, I just want to be alone. I do not want to be involved in any relationships whether they are friendships or romantic ones. I do know that when I graduated from high school, my thought was that my only future was to get married and have someone to take care of me. That is the way that society used to "train" women. Does that qualify as a disorder?

I only have myself to depend on now. I have to support myself and pay child support on a high-school education. I would not have gotten married at 18 if I thought I had another option. I wanted to go to college then, but I did not see the need for a married woman to have a college education. During the last year that I was living with my boyfriend, I tried college part-time, but I quit after we split up. I began to experience too much anxiety without his encouragement. I will just have to live within the means that I have right now.

I would recommend getting a professional diagnosis. Try medication and therapy so that you can improve your quality of life. I have tried some medication and therapy, but I gave up prematurely due to all of the anxiety. I do not have enough courage and confidence yet to try harder despite my fears. I wish you all the best

(Sorry for going on and on.)

Viking and Robin, I feel your pain (albeit in slightly different circumstances). I'm an Avoidant as well... Seems like those two tend to walk hand in hand (AvPD and DPD)...

I wish you the best, and if anyone wants to talk you can find my MSN Messenger email in my profile.