My boyfriend broke up with me because...

The past few weeks have been hard on my relationship with my boyfriend. Him and I have always been content with each other. We have both shared the same expiriences in our lives. We can both confide in each other and have a greater meaning of understanding between the both of us.

In the past few weeks one of my inner feelings came out. I wasn't even aware of how horrible it was. He was having many friends (mostly women) call them about his problems. Which was upsetting to me. It made it worse when an Ex of his called. We argued on the subject for a week about why I was acting this way. We then decided to take a break because I needed help. I have abandonment, insecurity, and anxiety issues. It got to the point whenever any of them would call him I would get angry and upset. I went to a counselor and things have been working out great for me. I learned how to overcome those feelings. Now he is having issues. He realized that the reason he is helping these people are for the wrong reasons. All of his life he has been many peoples' security blanket. He feels he NEEDS to do these things because of an inner feeling that will somehow fix what has happened in the past. He wants to overcome this, and I want to be there for him.

Today he broke up with me because he is scared to hurt me more by going through this. He doesn't even want to confide in his closet friends in fear he may someday resent them. He read somewhere that when the person that helps you with a dependency issue you often times resent them for taking that thing away from you, even if you know it was best for you and you are happier about it now.

I am begging for some guidence here. I love this man more than words can say, and losing him has been the hardest thing on me. There is hopes of him and I being back together. He still wants to be with me, but how can I be there for him and still give him his space and time with him still lovin me the same?

please help

Britt

the best way to mend and understand


there is a book "he's just not that into you" by greg berendt
it is so dead on

Hi Britt.

I'm almost 22. When I was fifteen, I met a boy who i dated for almost four years. Being that I have a dependancy problem, after 3 years and 9 months of being in love, having him be my only, he left me for the same reasons that you described up above. Well, my situation is different because I was clingy and he was cheating on me, but anyways. It's been almost THREE YEARS (wow I didn't realize it had been that long!) since we broke up and through every relationship I've had since then I've made the same mistakes. I've always been so dependant on others for happiness. My best advice to you is that every day is a new day. Keep your head busy to help you get through each day. Don't think about next month, or next week. Think about the rest of today. Then think about tomorrow morning. You will learn to function within your means. And when he sees that you can function fine without him, your relationship may have another shot. It sounds like the reasons he left you were legitimate, nobody wants to be in a situation where they're counted on for so much emotional support all the time, but you can work through this, I know you can. If you need anything you can email me at elvin.magic@yahoo.com and I'll be more than willing to be an ear if you need someone to talk to, cry to, yell at, whatever.

Take care!!