I HAVE DPD I NEED HELP

This is my first time ever on any forums and i dont know where else to go. I dont know where to start but here it goes.Im 20 years old now and a male ive never had a serious relationship with a girl, only hookups and that i can thank god for giving me good looks. My dad left my mom when i was born and she abused me physically almost everyday for no reason at all sometimes she couldnt deal with my father leaving. When my dad returned after 7 years i couldnt stand to see my mom with my dad i was always super protective of her even though she would have men come over pretending to be "friends". Mentally i wouldnt say because i didnt know what i know now. Most my life has been covered with a blanket you can say i never knew anything about my past or family until i grew older and realized a lot of things became unraveled. When i was a kid i would never leave my moms side and whenever someone took me away i would throw a fit. I only had a handful of friends and only did activities through them. i always wanted to the other person to feel good and be comfortable i never put myself first. I got my job through friends, and everything i did was through other people its like i dont know how to be independent. I recently ended my relationship with my best friend of 5 years and ive been very alone ever since. I feel very uncomfortable now that im on my own and very akward which i never was, i always had swag and knew how to carry myself. I tried hanging out with my other friends that i didnt have a close relationship with but i never really wanted to click with them. I took to weed to solve my problems for 4-6 years and it was ok at first i enjoyed it but now i quit for 3 weeks because it was really started to bother me mentally. Im very afraid of what will happen if my mother passes and im left all alone i dont know how to adapt and live normally, i feel like ima be homeless drug addict. I would also like to add I'm a cocaine baby, my father was a kingpin and my mother was a baby momma. When i did sports i was always the best on my team and i always strived to be. I become what people see me as, im sure im forgetting some things but i would really like some feedback. im so confused and lost i dont know what to do.

Sorry to hear about your past. One thing, if your mom beat you, weren't do you cling to her so much? Why are you do protective of her?

You sound like a good guy who needs to develop a stronger sense of self. Go talk tho someone, so you can live your life in a normal way. You sound like you have alot of potential to do that. Good Luck!