Shall I divorce my DD wife?

My wife has DD. She thought everyone in her company was trying to persecute her. One day she was asked to read some technical material. She thought it's a plot and stayed at home for three weeks. She was fired as a consequence. She refused to accept the fact that she was fired and thought there was a secret better position in her company waiting for her. When I found out I took her to see psychiatrist. But recently she refused to see psychiatrist or take medication. After months of quarrel she told me she wanted divorce. We have two small kids. Shall I agree to the divorce? If she is cooperative I would not agree. But it seems her condition is hopeless maybe it's better for us to go forward?

Trilobite:

Divorcing your wife is a decision only you can make. There are a whole myriad of things you need to consider. I would be glad to give you some advice, but not knowing your situation it would be kind of tough and possibly fruitless. However, let me give you a little insight to the condition based upon my experience.

I've been dealing with my wife's condition for the past five years. During this time she has had five separate episodes. Three resulted in involuntary commitment to a mental health unit under Florida's Baker Act and a fourth was a voluntary commitment to "prove to everyone there was nothing wrong with her". They kept her for a month. As I write this she is back in a mental health unit, Baker Acted for a fourth time. I filed for divorce last week after 30 years.

There are five types of delusions. Hers are predominantly Persecutory with some Somatic. She believes people are bugging our phones, hacking into computers and cell phones as well as sneaking into are home taking things by overriding our alarm system and getting into our safe. And this is just the tip of the iceberg. However, the more significant delusion is always that someone is trying to poison her. This can be just one person or an entire conspiracy; ultimately I'm the person behind it.

You need to realize the following:

1. That people who suffer from with this disorder don't believe there is anything wrong with them and you cannot reason with them. As absurd as their actions or statements might be, no matter how much you try you can't get them to see things rationally.

2. Once a person has the disorder they will have it for life. Antipsychotic medicine can help to keep it in check but based on all the research I done, there is no cure.

3. The most important thing to remember, if even though someone get treatment and put on meds, at some point they will most likely tell themselves there is nothing wrong and will stop taking the medication. That's when a new episode will start.

I got to the point where I could recognize the onset of an episode based upon comments and actions. However, if I asked her if she was still taking her medicine she would get angry and say of course she was because she didn't want to go back to the hospital. But when I counted her pills, where there should have been only 6 left there we still 18. To be honest I can't even say for sure she took the 12 that were missing or flushed them.

This current episode I saw coming at the end of May and reached the point of needing significant help the end of June when she became obsessed with trying to figure out how to work and/or program everything to include her cell phone, stereo, computer, home phone, DVR and microwave. She would spend hours doing this, 6 trying to program the microwave light. And when she locked something up by playing with it like the computer, she accused me of doing it with my Blackberry.

This episode has also been different because of the obsessions and she is telling the doctors, nurses and social workers I've been poisoning her and has even accused the nurses of poisoning her. In the past she kept her delusion from the medical staff.

So there you have my story in VERY SHORT detail believe me. I'll be glad answers any question you have and give you any advice I can.

Good luck.

AlTag2000,

Thanks a lot for sharing. It seems my wife's DD is of mixed-type. She thinks everyone in her former company was trying to harm her. But she also thinks that there is a new company that has a secret position waiting for her. Every junk email, every junk letter, every stranger's encounter confirms her belief. She thinks that our mail, computer, car and phone are all spied by this secret company. She is doing everything she can to convince me that such company exists.

When she agreed to see a doctor, she was trying to convince the doctor that she was normal and I was the one that could not "see" the fact. When she found out that doctor agreed with me, she hated the doctor and refused to see her again. She was prescribed of Risperdal, Geodon and Fanapt. But none of these cured her delusion. She would pretend to take the medicine but spit it out secretly. After I found out I had to use a pill grinder and watch her drinking the grinded pill everyday. This hurts our relationship.

We are both immigrants from China. Her parents are thousands of miles away. After divorce, she would be without job, without insurance, without family. She absolutely refuses to apply for social disability. We have 16 years of happy marriage. It really hurts me when knowing she will live alone in the world. Yet I can't see there is anyway out. Our kids are too small to understand all this. What can you do when your DD wife refuses to see a doctor? I'm wondering if there is a anyone who has survived DD wife and has a happy ending?

stick with her, she will get better.

I had the very same delusions with my company about 6 years ago, and am a wife to someone, and happily married. my suggestions is to please provide support and help her decrease the stress she gets from work. stress buildup or too much mental energy focused on work lead to delusional stories and thinking she can get a very high position respectively. my answers to your questions: yes i was in that position. no you should not divorce her.

Last month my wife was sent to mental hospital because she had a delusional psychosis. She was lost on highway and found by police. She was taken to mental hospital. She was forced to take medication while in hospital. But once discharged, she refused to take medication again and her DD is getting worse and worse. I don't think DD is curable. There is no law to force her to take medicine.

Hi,

I am sorry to hear about your sad story. I know exactly how you feel.

Has the hospital checked your wife for any medical illness which could possibly be causing these delusions??

These DD stories are so heartbreaking. My Mom is DD and my Dad has been staying with her for years after the diagnosis despite her accusing him of horrendous things and her medication refusal. it really depends on your personality and tolerance for abuse. Because your wife's actions can definitely be similar to abuse. My Dad just brushes it off because he says it's just her disease talking. But my mom also ruined some of their finances. If it were me, I wouldn't be able to take it. I dot know how long he will take it either. But if he left her, she may be worse off now. My biggest fear is if they divorce, my
Mom may use all her money unreasonably, not get a job, then become one of those homeless crazy people.

Kly - Yes, it is a very horrendous disease. I've seen in the forums where people describe it as the body snatching diease. I couldn't agree more. My once sweet, caring husband turned into my worse enemy over the past four years. He actually has a medical condition which he refuses to treat - it causes these delusions.. He refuses to believe he is sick, even after a diagnosis.

He has DDJ with some persecutory mixed in. He is very paranoid. It's very sad, however, he is fully functioning (for the most part). He has a good job and is good at it. Although, he has a lot of trouble sleeping now, which has greatly increased in the past year and I can see it affecting his work attendance.

I choose to stay for now, in hopes that he will someday treat his medical condition or maybe that the condition will get worse and force him into treatment. However, if he became violent, or if the situation got worse, I would leave on my own.

My heart goes out to anyone having to deal with this horrible illness. I really never understood mental illness until my husband got sick. Even though the other person is ill, It is very trying and will drain your own soul if you do not keep yourself in check.

Let me add my 2 cents. I am presently in the same position with a decision to make. Or maybe I have already made it and am stalling the implementation (divorcing my DD wife).

If you haven't read my very long string of postings "Avoiding the forbidden confrontation", help yourself. You will see my story, very similar to most of yours, started back in 2003 or 2004.

Whoever said there is no cure is correct. My wife appeared to be cured for over 5 years. Four of those years she took her Resperdal. She quit it a year and a half ago. She was still good. Then this past Sept she reverted right back to extreme paranoia.

I am typing this in a motel room on xmas day. Last Friday she got especially violent and I had to leave. With my daughters help I went back the house Sunday to get the rest of my stuff for temp living. My wife wasn't there. She was on the road searching for me.

I have been telling her to check herself in to the hosp. She says there is nothing wrong with her, it is me who should be on meds. It is true, my reactions to her in the past few weeks have reduced to shouting matches.

It is a shame that the holidays are being spoiled. They have always been important to her. My daughter says my wife is forbidden to set foot on her property, and can not see the grand kids until she is back on meds. My daughter also has a problem so she understands.

So tomorrow I may go see an atty to get started. Maybe the serious threat may change my wife's mind - but I doubt it. I am feeling very guilty after 32 years of marriage. On the other hand, I am kicking myself for not splitting up 10 years ago. I am getting too old to start again.