Paranoid/Jealous Delusion?

Hello everyone.

I am here pleading for some guidance.

I am going to try and sum up my story as short as I can. I don't know how to decipher the truth out of any of it, because I figure delusional DISEASE can really mess with what's truth.

Over 4 years ago in Dec 2006 or so, I began experimenting with harder drugs (I used to just smoke weed before) - these included Salvia Divinorum, Cocaine, Methamphetamine and Crack Cocaine. And I started to have some seriously bad paranoia. I started to think that all my friends were out to get me, steal my identity, kill me, whatever. Anyway, after deciding to run away from all that mess, all the drugs and my friends, things started to get better.

Then I met my girlfriend in June 2007 - we met on the internet and decided to meet mostly on sexual interest - so I drove over 1400 miles to live with her and help pay her rent with her mom, as I had money at the time.

Anyways in the first few weeks of the relationship was rough, we had arguments over silly stuff - and she 'apparently' was even talking to other guys and talking sexually with them, I even captured some proof off her computer that she was unsatisfied in bed with me (and I was practically a virgin anyways) and that she wanted to go and sleep with this other guy but he didn't live around us.

Ever since then I've been pretty paranoid about her and not really trusting her that much - but she kept on saying that she was not like the other girls I had been with - she had been cheated on and wouldn't do it to someone else.

Anyways we have been around eachother 24/7 for the past 4 years - and we get along most of the time. and she's really sweet to me and I am to her. She used to say I was too clingy but doesnt say that anymore.

Recently one of my friends that I was experimenting drugs with over 4 years ago had no place to live in las vegas, so I let him come move in with us in California - he also has family here but I decided to just let him stay figuring I could trust both of them.

But anyway my paranoia kicked in anyway, and it led up to him being kicked out in september. I felt like they were making me the third wheel all the time, always talking to eachother and not me, I complained about this and they said it was because I am more quiet than them (which is true)

I started to feel like they liked eachother more than friends, and anyways I started to really get suspicious when the following happened.

She was playing the XBOX and he was on his computer.

1. I went to the bathroom to go urinate, I started to feel paranoid that they would talk behind my back, lo and behold, I heard him talking quietly to her saying "I'm gonna shut off the light..." (and then a bunch more words I couldnt make out)

2. I heard her say "Shut the ###$ up, jeez..."

3. Later that night, she said she was tired and wanted us to go to bed - I said Ok and he turned off the living room light (it's a small apartment, no hallway or anything)

4. She woke up a couple hours later than me, so I really started getting suspicious.

.... anyways, after that, she had been waking up at the same time as me, but also I started to try to pretend to sleep - but that didn't lead to me catching them or anything, because eventally I'd fall asleep.

Anyways - another day, my friend was cleaning the kitchen and opened the window- my cat escaped outside - he isn't allowed outside because he will just run off and hide somewhere - so we all went looking for them, till it was pretty late (early morning) we all laid down to go to bed, I couldnt sleep so I stayed up and tried to find my cat.

I didn't find him for hours, and when I checked back in the apartment the two of them were still asleep every time.

I finally found him and he was in a hard to reach spot under a bathtub. under one of the other apartments.

so anyways I couldnt get him out, I woke up my girlfriend and showed her where he was - and we could not get him out - she just wanted to wait it out and let the cat return on it's own.

so later on (me being paranoid still), I decided I should leave my cellphone to record them while I was outside trying to get my cat out of hiding. so I did, and I loaded the audio onto my computer, and had to amplify the sound to get this excerpt:

Her: Ugh I hate that, ###$ you.
Him: Haha.. Heh.
Her/Him: *noises*
Her: *giggle* Accordian!
Him: I told you.
Him: He's still outside.
Him: *inaudible*
Her: Needs more hang!

I mean, after listening to this, the way she was sounding - my heart just dropped - it appeared she was giving him a penis examination - or something. and I still have the audio on my pc and when I listen to it - these words do not just disappear. I have since kicked my friend out - but the two of them will not confess anything - my friend even said that I was inventing it in my head - and asked if I ever had schizophrenia - well he should know I did in 2006.

if anyone wants to listen to the audio I can send it to them - and hopefully someone can determine am I losing my mind or what... I love my girlfriend sooooo much... it would kill me to lose her, really...or it would kill me to be cheated on especially with one of my close friends whom I was trying to help out.

Hi, Adam! Have you played the recording for them? What did they say was happening?
Maybe talking to your doctor about this might help. Do you think they could send you to a therapist? They probably could and you'd get counseling for everything that you're going through.
It sounds like your friend needed to find a place of his own anyway.
Just think of yourself and your well-being and health first. How are you?

Yes I played the recording for them but he kept saying that it was not understandable, and fabricated. And my girlfriend kicked my laptop and cracked the screen.
I am trying to focus on me, but am just more depressed now than I already was.
I don't know if I should stay in this relationship or not...

If you feel unhappy, it's ok to take some time to yourself and just focus on getting better and feeling better.

Well I am gradually getting better, but I feel like a fool... I haven't really brought it up any more, as it seems I am never going to get a confession about it. My girlfriend has been having irregular vaginal bleeding for like a month now, and I feel like this was caused by the 'so called' affair, although she had this issue in the past, I really want to have sex with her but she won't even try, and I feel like she doesn't want to not because of that, but because of my 'average' sized manhood, or because her heart and body is reserved for my 'ex' best friend, although she agrees to pleasing me manually every few days or so.

I don't know if I mentioned it but the Salvia drug really messed me up, like permanently, it had caused me to believe that when I was under the influence of the shaman-vision drug, I was able to see into my own future, exactly as it plays out, and I felt like a ghost being forced to watch bad things happen behind my back. But I can't tell anyone what is going to happen tomorrow, these visions sneak into my subconcious, and I don't know how, I don't sit there trying to invent this stuff. What really bugs me is that the audio evidence directly matches up with several of the 'visions' I had, so really people tell me what is real, it almost seems like my whole life is a joke, I don't know what to do , I am going to be tortured by my mind or (her) for the rest of my existence.

Maybe she needs to see a doctor about the bleeding. I'm sorry that drug made you feel/think like that. I really think you have to put yourself and your peace of mind first right now. You could try to get help for yourself.

*Edited*