New here ... fiance with suspected DD

Hello,

I recently found this forum and I am seeking advice/support. I do believe that my fiance has delusional disorder, persecutory subtype. Recently I returned from a week long vacation to see my family. While I was gone, he stayed at our apartment alone with our cat and worked and applied for new jobs. A few days before I returned, he emailed me to say he'd lost his phone. I didn't think anything of it at the time. I returned home and immediately noticed something was wrong with him. He looked much thinner than when I'd left, his appearance was disheveled and he looked anxious. When I asked him what was wrong, he told me he was stressed because he was being harassed. When I was finally able to convince him to explain what he meant, he wrote on a piece of paper, "I have white magic powers and I am a targeted individual." He was extremely agitated and combative toward me. I made me read up info on gang stalking on sites he'd found, and told me he thought he'd been drugged. His pupils were dilated and his heart was beating fast, but I believe those could have been from simply anxiety. I cried and he accused me of lying to him and being complicit in this conspiracy against him. He told me that he could tell I didn't believe him, despite me telling him I would never say that. He told me he hadn't slept or eaten in the past 2 days. He went on to explain that he believes someone was coming in to the apartment and bugging it and using microwaves to hurt him. He claims our neighbors are all involved and that he knows people around him in public are also involved because of how they look at him. He claims that when he went to drop off resumes for a job, they wouldn't let him in the building and that they're involved as well. He also says that they took his phone (which we found in his car right after him getting a new one). The fact that he found his phone later, in a place he claimed he searched, was used for further validation of his claims. He also says that he's felt this has been happening for years and that "they" followed him when we moved to another state last year. I was finally able to get him to calm down and relax, which he later claimed was because the drugs they used had worn off. This was the first time I'd ever seen him like this. I was scared (not that he'd hurt me, just scared in general), and confused and completely unsure of what to do. One other time, about 2 years ago, he was convinced that microphones were installed in our air ducts. That was short lived and he was able to be reconciled (so I thought).

Right now, I know he's still thinking the same way even though he's not expressing it to me. His father was able to convince him to attend therapy, although he doesn't know why he needs it. I'm trying to find a therapist right now (would love help with this!). He's pretty opposed to seeing a psychiatrist because he thinks they'll just want to give him meds. He definitely has a past history of OCD (since childhood) and depression. Most of his OCD ideas revolve around food/health. He is a little extreme with the avoiding of certain foods he deems bad (anything non-organic, chemical, soy, pasteurized dairy, wheat, anything in plastic or styrofoam, fruit, etc.). He's also exhibited hypochondriac tendencies before, where he'd visit multiple doctors and hospitals, convinced he had an aneurysm or something along those lines.

I don't really know what to do. I love him a lot, we've been together for almost 5 years and just recently decided to get married when I'm done with school (I'm a medical student). At this point, I've entertained ideas of leaving him, but only because I don't know if I can handle this aspect of him. We want to have children later, but now I don't know about having kids with him. It's hard because it was such an isolated incident and he's seemed fine and normal the rest of the time. I've never been so happy as I am with him and we are really compatible, but I fear what the future holds for us. I don't know how to ensure that he sees a therapist (I tell him it's for managing the stress of the gang stalking) and I don't know how to act when he brings these things up. Any general suggestions for me?

Hi, futuredr007! You could start by asking your doctor where to find a good specialist for him. Tell him he needs help for the stress he's been going through, that's a good idea, I think. Hopefully the psych will know how to handle him. You could tell him that he needs to get help for your relationship to work, that it's putting stress on you too and you need him to start doing better.
When he brings these things up, comfort him without necessarily agreeing with him, just avoid the subject of whether or not it's real. If he asks you what you think, tell him you're sorry he's having such a hard time. Ask his psych (when you find one for him) how you should handle the situation too.

Hi FutureDr, I feel like I'm in a similar situation. My boyfriend who is truly the person I've ever been happiest with has similar thoughts, although we have not had the type of incident you described. He's not hurtful or jealous of me (as many others describe on this site), but it's still scary as who knows what the future will bring?

I was wondering how things have gone for you since you last posted? Did you go through the marriage?