Does My Wife Have DDJ

I can't believe how similiar our stories are. When this was happening I didn't know anything about the illiness. The counselor diagnoised him with severe depression with physchotic tendencies. I found this site a few years ago and it has helped me a lot in knowing what was definately wrong with him. I just wish I would have know about this site when I was going through my living hell. II find comfort in reading this site and even after all this time it has helped me very much. Just to know I am know alone and I was not the crazy one. When this was going on our oldest daughter was planning a wedding which was cancelled a month before it was to happen, our middle child just had her second and third daughter one year apart and he changed jobs.....there was so much going on at the time I don't know if I really understood what was happening. He was under so much stress as was I. I don't know if that is what triggered everything....guess I will never know and should just let go of the past but the past is so much a part of my present with the kids and grandkids. I am turning 55 and looking forward to retirement in about 5 years and I guess I am just missing what could have been. Thanks again for listening.

Thank you too, pilpos and everyone that shares their battles with DDJ with the rest of us. I think we all agree that our loved ones were snatched from us in the worst way. I absolutely hate to say this, but I think it would have been less tragic, for me at least, if he had passed away. At least I could have cherished the memory of every moment we'd had together, prepared a beautiful eulogy, picked out a gravestone with our names engraved on it, been able to bring flowers to his gravesite, and most importantly had some sort of closure. Instead, I feel like there's a knife in my heart every time I see him or recall some of the DDJ episodes that always included relentless accusations, hollow stares, constant weeping on my part, and endless explanations that ALWAYS fell on deaf ears. I remember desperately wanting to fall asleep to briefly escape the nightmare my life had become.

They say time heals all wounds.... I used to think, yeah right. Now I have a new perspective. I work in healthcare and last week I overheard one of our cancer care providers explain that her main purpose is to help people with cancer adjust to their "new normal". I thought, BINGO ... that's exactly what I have to do... somehow learn from this experience and adjust to my new normal.

Good night friends. ~ Beautiful Mind

I am an old timer here, 6 years post-divorce from my DDJ husband. He moved away, re-married, and it took a couple of years for his delusions to begin ruining his new wife's life. She has been trying to divorce him now for some time, but he won't agree to any settlement (he is representing himself, so has nothing to lose by dragging it out) and she has lost her life's savings on legal bills. I was able to warn her about him before they married, but was not believed, being the evil adulterous ex-wife she then believed I was. DD does not go away.

I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy but in a way I want it to happen so that his family believes without a doubt that he has a problem and that I wasn't this cheating adultress person he painted me out to be. I think they know he was sick I just think it was easier to not have to deal with it and just erase me and our kids from all their lives since we are so far away anyway and they don't have to worry about bumping into us at any time. I agree with you about it being easier if he would have just died. At least I would have closure. I would know he didn't want to leave me and our kids and that he loved us til the end. I would still be in our house and could have afforded to stay and would be financially secure. Now all I have is memories of what was. It has been almost 10 years since DDJ surfaced in my life and almost 8 years that we have been divorced. It still hurts because of the future I won't have with him. But there is a life for me and I am adjusting well. I have a great job, my kids and grandkids are in my life and we are making our own memories. Like you said a different normal but a good one.

Dear Pilpos and Faithful,

Have either of you read the thread, "I Am the Worst Husband Ever" by badhairday? It has given me so much insight from the person that seems to be struggling with the onset of DDJ. I haven't read anything from that perspective before. It has given my great comfort as I believe my now ex-husband and other DDJ sufferers may have been going through similar emotions but never shared with anyone.

Hope it helps you too. Good night friends, Beautiful Mind

As I'm sure many off you have done, I've tried to research potential causes for delusional disorder. One theory I've seen is an abusive childhood. My wife was sexually abused as a child by her father and one uncle. Another theory I've seen is that it is somehow related to family history. Her grandmother, whom she never knew, did chop up her then husband with a hachet. One can only wonder if DDJ was at play there. She also has a niece who has been diagnosed with schizophrenia. I've also read that excessive levels of dopamine in the brain may be a contributing factor to DDJ. About a year ago my wife suffered a fall and as a result has chronic pain, for which she takes Tramadol and Hydrocodone. It is my understanding narcotic pain medications can increase the level of dopamine in the brain. I've learned the excessive levels of dopamine may cause sleeplessness (my wife takes Ambien to help her sleep) as well as a feeling of being "wired" or anxious (she takes Alprazolam for anxiety and Lexapro for depression, and the antidepressant Trazodone).

Am I looking at the "perfect storm" here? Are all the factors, genetic (family history), biological (medications and/or excessive dopamine) and environmental (abusive childhood) coming into play? Does any of this ring true with someone else's experience?

HI Sandollar,

I have also read about excessive dopamine levels contributing to DD. My husband has Grandiose Delusional Disorder, which he developed at age 40 after the traumatic experience of his father's suicide on Christmas Day. His brother died at age 23, from cancer, but prior to his death he was hospitalized in a mental institution after a psychotic episode. He felt that he had found the "fountain of youth", and had developed a way to live forever bu taking massive amounts of vitamins. Both my husband and his brother did drugs in their teens and early twenties. I also heard about an uncle on their father's side whose behavior in hindsight, sounds like DD.

My husband was also taking heavy doses of vitamins and a natural steroid product prior to his psychotic break with reality. He now consumes a diet that is high in Omega 3's, and foods that contribute to naturally raising dopamine levels. The beginning of his illness seemed to come on suddenly, although there were some indications that his thinking was becoming deluded about a year prior to his initial psychotic break, although I don't know how much that plays into the direction that his delusions went to. My husband feels that he is a special prophet sent from God, and one of the very few people who will make it into heaven. He has accused me and my children of being filled with demons, left us countless times to pursue his "special mission", been violent (never once before this did he exhibit violence), and generally just voices a mish mash of confilicting bible verses to suit his need of the day. He likes to "instruct" everyone on what exactly they need to do, and he feels that has been specially called, and has developed the power to heal people. He also thinks that he has developed the cure for cancer and type 2 diabetes (his brother and uncle died of cancer, and his father had type 2 diabetes).

I agree with you that it seems there needs to be a perfect storm in order to trigger DD. I have 4 children with my DD husband, and I am very concerned about them developing this insidious mental illness. One thing I have heard from others here, is that marijuana may help to contribute to it. I have had conversations with my teenagers about the fact that they can never do drugs, as they probably do have the potential to develop DD.

A final court hearing date has been set for the divorce. We have been legally separated for a year now. I'm still torn emotionally, I took my wedding vows seriously... "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health". My beloved is truely afflicted with a sickness. Every attempt on my part to get her the help she needs has been futile. Sometimes the sadness is overwhelming, I want to be there by her side, I want her to get the help she needs with me being there with her the whole way. I keep hoping against hope... holding on to something I don't have. I buried my father about a month ago after a brief illness, he was 87. I guess now it's time I bury my marriage too. I'm beginning to realize things are not going to change, and at some point one has to move on. I don't want to, but for my own mental well-being I'm beginning to feel it's time.

I'm so sorry to read of your father's passing on top of everything else you're going through.

Sandolllar wrote:A final court hearing date has been set for the divorce. We have been legally separated for a year now. I'm still torn emotionally, I took my wedding vows seriously... "for better or for worse, in sickness and in health".

I can wholeheartedly say that I know how you feel. I've been there. Eventhough I initiated the divorce, I still prayed for a miracle that would bring my beloved back to me.... Instead, I sat there in front of the judge and cried my eyes out while my husband of 20 years sat there emotionless as our marriage, along with all our hopes and dreams, were flushed down the toilet.

Sandolllar wrote:I'm beginning to realize things are not going to change, and at some point one has to move on. I don't want to, but for my own mental well-being I'm beginning to feel it's time.

Unfortunately, having been in a relationship with a spouse stricken with DDJ, I've come to realize that the light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train. If you're like me, you'll know you have to keep moving forward but you'll never loose hope that one day, whether in this life or the next, you'll see the beautiful soul you loved with all you heart again.

God bless and good luck.

Looking back, there were signs several years ago that things were "not right". Every marriage has its ups and downs, and we were in one of our "up" stages. We went to bed one night and everything was fine. We woke up the next morning and she was mad as hell. I asked what was wrong and she would not say. After a couple days of gentle prodding she finally came forth with what was bugging her. She had a dream, and in her dream I was flirting and carrying-on with another woman. I assured her it was just a dream and I would never do anything like that in real life. Time went by and she had another dream, she was again mad as hell and said I had an affair with another woman in her dream, she said it all "seemed so real".

I'm just a regular guy, just trying to get by in real life is tough enough. I was then not only trying to deal with reality but also trying to maneuver through the mine fields of her dreams.

These dreams became more frequent, and she kept saying how they seemed "so real". Then it happened, and it coincides with about the time she had her injury and began all the medications. My beloved reached a tipping point, a point where the line between reality and nightmares became blurred. Things that occurred in her dreams "could" happen in real life. With someone who has DDJ, the jump is easily made to "probably did" occur in real life, to "actually did" occur. The lines became blurred and that's when the really wild accusations began. Despite everything I tried to do (most of which just made the situation worse) I saw my marriage slipping through my fingers.

The final hearing date for the divorce is now less than a month away. Her situation has not improved any over the last year of our separation. The anger is still there, she is angry at all the things that I "did" to hurt her and harm her during our marriage. I'll keep you posted as D-Day approaches...