Does My Wife Have DDJ

My story is very similar to most of your situations, except i have kids. My wife and I have been married for nine years and we have an 8 and 5 year old kids. We had a good life and we were happy, we thought a lot alike, we were a happy family.

Unbeknownst to me, about a year ago my wife began exhibiting delusional behavior. At that time she accused me of cheating on her. She believed I was with someone else while I was volunteering, even after she came and saw me where I was volunteering. After about a month of that accusation she decided to move on and continue life, until March first of this year.

This March she started making accusations accept it was worse then last time. She opened the flood gates on the accusations. This time she stated started by accusing me of cheating on her but it rapidly changed in to something much more bazaar.

She believes I am Gay and cheating on her with a guy that sends me a text on holidays along with everyone else in his phone list: Texts like marry Christmas or Happy Thanksgiving or Happy Halloween. She believes I am a pathological liar. She also believes that I may molest our children if I am alone with them for an extended period of time. That is the toughest one for me to take.

She believes that I am having someone follow her around, that I have spyware on her computer, that I have been filming her in the bedroom and in the living room. She went so far as to have the police come break apart the alarm clock because she believed there was a camera in the clock. She has put a GPS tracking device in my car to see here I am going.

We have both had physiological evaluations mine came out normal hers diagnosed her with dilutions, paranoia, and depression. We had individual meetings then a meeting with the psychologist (should have went to a psychiatrist, psychologist can not prescribe medications) together to discuses our results. She still refuses to accept the diagnoses of the psychologist, in fact she claims she doesn’t remember that the psychologist said she has paranoia or delusional disorder, its like the psychologist never said she had those issues.

I am grateful she believes I am gay, it has allowed me to stay in the house with my kids. She does still care about me; she keeps tying to unrelentlessly get me to come-out to make my life better. I still can see without any change my marriage will end. I am beginning to loose hope.

missmywife030111 wrote:My story is very similar to most of your situations, except i have kids. My wife and I have been married for nine years and we have an 8 and 5 year old kids. We had a good life and we were happy, we thought a lot alike, we were a happy family.

Dear Missmywife, I too have kids, 4 girls. I have been divorced since 2006. My nightmare began in 2000 when their ages ranged from 3 months to 11 years. Like you, I believed we had a very good life, thought a lot alike, etc. He was my first boyfriend, my first everything (met him when I was 17)... Just like your wife, he also "out of nowhere," accused me of being gay. WTF?!?! is my only response. He also accused me of being a pathological liar and devil worshiper. Seriously, we are a devout Catholic family who attend church every Sunday. Worst of all, is when he began saying things to imply that I was molesting our 4 year old daughter. He didn't flat out say it, but he called our pediatrician's office saying that he saw laserations on her vaginal area. They called me and said I had to bring in my daughter immediately. I did (and made him meet me there) and the doctor confirmed that there were NO laserations. Now, I understand that his delusions made him think/see these kinds of things but at the time I was LOST in dispair over what was happening to the beautiful man I loved more than anything in the world.

Sandolllar wrote:We have both had physiological evaluations mine came out normal hers diagnosed her with dilutions, paranoia, and depression. We had individual meetings then a meeting with the psychologist (should have went to a psychiatrist, psychologist can not prescribe medications) together to discuses our results. She still refuses to accept the diagnoses of the psychologist, in fact she claims she doesn’t remember that the psychologist said she has paranoia or delusional disorder, its like the psychologist never said she had those issues.

SAME THING HAPPEND TO US... Although ours was by a psychiatrist that prescribed anti-psychotic meds (which he only took for a few days, and anti-depression meds which he only took for a few months). He still denies ever getting the diagnosis which was a delusional disorder (jealousy type - DDJ), depression & paranoia. He insisted that "I paid the doctor to prescribe the meds" and that I was the one that really needed them.

Sandolllar wrote:she keeps tying to unrelentlessly get me to come-out to make my life better.

This is exactly what I was going through. The only difference is that I'm 5' 8" and he's 6' 5" (250 lbs at the time). It got to a point where he has screaming at me (an inch away from my face, with his finger pointing down at me), I could literally feel his breath and spit on my face... saying, "COME OUT OF THE CLOSET, COME OUT OF THE GOD DAMN CLOSET!!!!" ... It took all my strength to yell back, "I'm not coming out of any closet I'm not in!!! --- and if you open the closet, you'll find a mirror with a reflection of YOU!!!" Yes, for a while I believed he may be homosexual and so ashamed that he was reflecting it onto me. I don't think that anymore. Now I realize it's the delusional disorder that was making him think those things...

missmywife030111 wrote:My beloved reached a tipping point, a point where the line between reality and nightmares became blurred. Things that occurred in her dreams "could" happen in real life. With someone who has DDJ, the jump is easily made to "probably did" occur in real life, to "actually did" occur.

I agree 100% ... a lot of the things that come out as accusations are based on nightmares or fears that they cannot process normally.

I'm sorry if I've not been much help to you, but thank you for posting your story for it has helped me tremendously. It helps me to heal knowing that others experienced, or are currently experiencing, the same kind of living hell. I pray that we can all get through it and go on with our lives. God bless us and good luck!

Beautiful Mind

I'm wondering with the wife here, is she overweight. If so, and if she's missed a couple of periods, maybe middle aged, and menopausal, then you may want to get her thyroid checked. Sometimes when people are hypothyroid they get like this. We had a friend, with heterosexual erotomania, high estrogen, and hypothyroid, and polycystic ovary syndrome, that was overweight, namely in the thigh and stomach area. She was also slightly anemic, and had an underactive thyroid. She was experiencing delusions, erotomania, and fear of being poisoned by others, and depression, as well as suicidal. In the end she was hypothyroid. Once her autoimmune issues and thyroid got back into normal, and she was eating, her conditions went away. She's not nuts though, just she's got a bad thyroid problem. Really an autoimmune thing. So when obese women make claims like this, you should really get their thyroid checked, not amount of antipsychotic will ever alleviate her thyroid issues. These are not caused by a chemical imbalance. Also, if her thryoid is involved, then she will have issues with Vitamin B absorption, which would exacerbate this, she would liekwise suffer from anemia. These are all often correlated. Blood work, hormones, and thyroid should always be checked, then after all of that, if no red flags are raised, an MRI or SPECT scan is recommended, to rule out delusional, psychotic, or bipolar, or schizophrenic disorders.

He insisted that "I paid the doctor to prescribe the meds" and that I was the one that really needed them.

this is cruellest cut of all. i've been dealing with someone i now realize has had DDP for half a century (and likely before, it's just that i've been around for half a century). i cannot count how many times i've parried her lunatic accusations only to watch her squirm away but never admit error and in the end declare that there's something the matter with me for contesting her claims.

there's no solution to this, but please remember that there are others who've experienced the frustration. hope that helps a little!

I've read all of these and can't believe this is exactly what I've been experiencing the past six months. It came on all of a sudden. My wife had a traumatic experience with work where she felt like her previous employer was out to get her and even harm her. It then has moved to not trusting me, my kids or her parents, no one really. She talks to herself all the time, she questions everything and everybody she runs into about something that doesn't really make any sense. What do I do? I've tried to get her to understand she has something going on but don't really know how to approach it. She's even mentioned divorce the past few weekends because she keeps saying if I don't tell her the truth, she is taking the kids. Any advice is greatly appreciated it. I want to make this work, but it's making me where I can't be in the room with her because I know she is going to ask me about why I was doing this back three years ago or why did that car follow us from town to this street, stuff that makes no real sense to me but obviously it does to her.

Please help.

wishiknew,
Does your wife have a history of schizophrenia in her family? My wife does but she was diagnosed with delusional disorder. The constant talking to her self is something my wife doesn't do but I have seen in schizophrenic people. What partly worked for me was my wife said thought i should get a psychological evaluation (she thought i was a compulsive lair because she thought something i would not admit to) but i told her i would get one if she got one. I wouldn't revile my results until she got hers examination and we would release our verbal results in a joint session. I would recommend going to a psychiatrist for matters like this where medication will likely be required. Good luck

Well... it's over. 29 years of marriage ended today with the signing of the divorce papers. It didn't go out with a whimper, the countless accusations continued right up to the very end. I was cleaning out a closet recently, making a stack of clothes to donate to Goodwill. While doing so I came accross a pair of her blue jeans. I texted her and asked if she wanted them. Three days later I received a Protective Order, stating I had entered her apartment without authorization. In her mind, I had somehow broke into her apartment and stole her blue jeans. About a week later I was at a conference and received a text message from her... "I see you have eaten some of my Snickers Bars during one of your visits". So be it Delusional Disorder of some form of Paranoria, it continued until the very end.

For my wife the lines between what was real and what is imagined were blurred. In her mind what was imagined became real and therefore true. No amount of reasoning could change her beliefs for she "knew" them to be true, it was pointless to argue.

So thus it has come to this, two lives torn apart... a divorce happening over events and activities that never occurred.

This site has been extremely helpful to me and I'll always be appreciative to those of you who have shared your experiences and stories. Thank you. I remember when I first found the site. I fevorously read the accounts that sounded exactly like mine. The emotions were overwhelming, sorrow for what my wife was going through and yet... relief. Relief to know that I wasn't alone. Relief to finally get some answers, relief to know that others were going through exactly the same thing.

So to those of you who are dealing with a spouse who has Delusional Disorder, know that you are not alone. I'll continue to keep all of you in my thoughts and prayers. May God bless you all...

Sandollar,

Sorry to hear about your divorce, I did mine last May like you til the end of our marriage he still accused me, and it does not end there, it does continue up to now whenever he see his children or when I talk to him . I try not to talk to him because every word I said would have some sort of meaning and his delusions continues, their paranoia gets worst. Goodluck and be strong to lose a love one to this illness is worst than having somebody die, hang in there.

Sandollar,

Sorry to hear about your divorce, been thinking about that allot lately. I am trying to decide whats best for my two young children who do not have the capacity to understand this? What best for my wife whom is toured by her thoughts of me? and whats best over all? From reading this site it really seems like the inevitable conclusion.

At this point we are living life like roommates except we have children and she will not participate in holiday and family events together she either wants to take off with my children to her family with out me or she refuses to participate with my kids if my family is there. Oddly enough she will participate if it is just me and the kids. I think I will try to live with my roommate and see my kid daily for now.

Moving on is not easy folks... especially after 29 years.