Can marriage to DDJ cause or aggrivate PTSD?

Hi-Hello, I'm so happy I found this place!!!!! I found this forum last night, and for the first time in a long time I feel hope. I am amazed, and saddened that the stories here are so close to mine. I have found myself beleving that I was the one who was to blame for all of the accusations of infidelity against me due to the fact that I have perevious issues and suffer from a form of PTSD. I see now that his illness is to blame, and I may not have the abillity to survive it.

I have a bit of rest from all the constant stress and emotional abuse of being accussed of cheating as my husband is now in temp custody of ICE. This has given me the chance to question his actions instead of blaming myself for all of the trama.
When in constant control of him I was afraid of being myself. I always second guessed if my actions were wrong. Should I have said hi to the security guard at work? Should I have laughed at my bosse's joke? Nothing I did was right.

If my friendly personality comes out I'm cheating on him, if I supress my personality I'm hidding something, and therefore must be cheating on him.

Over the past few months I have been denied sleep due to the late night interrogations ( they went on nightly for hours and hours) Made to feel guilty for not wanting to have sex after he accused me. Then feeling dirty after I gave in and being mad at myself for having sex with someone who thinks that I'm a whore. I get mad at myself for giving in to the need for sleep, and doing whatever it take to get some sleep, even if it's allowing a (man that for some reason I love) to "rape by exhaustion"

I temp lost my mind. I felt guilty for things I didn't do, and never would do. I was subject to panty inspections, sniffing inspections, and pubic hair inspections. If I didn't wear make up I didn't love him enough to look good for him, if I did wear make up I was doing it for someone else. If I didn't bathe right after work I didn't want to be clean for him because I didn't love him, if I did bathe after work I was washing away evidence. If I wrote the words to a song that I liked, I was writing a love letter. If I said hi to a male member of his family I wanted to sleep with him, if I didn't say hi I was disrespecting his family. UGHHHH...

Sorry this is so long. I just feel like I can talk to people who understand. Anyways what do you guys think of this affecting my PTSD? I mean I know it has made it worse, but does anyone else have this to go through as well? Is there any infoformation you guys could recomend to read? Also, could my PTSD affect his DDJ? I mean do you think we could be "feeding" or "bouncing" off each others problems, and it would never end? I have blamed myself for all of his jealousy because I was aware of my own label, so I must have reacted wrong. Not only was I guilty from what he was doing, I was also guilty because I thought it was my fault because I was the one who was "damaged". He blamed me, and I blamed me. Wow I am the perfect victim. He then "gets off the hook which is cool (for him) because he really didn't think anything was wrong with what he was doing to me, and he still thinks he is right.

Oh what a wonderful mess I am....

Any thoughts on this???

Thank you to all the brave people who have to deal with this everyday for talking, and giving others hope.

I'm so sorry! I wouldn't be at all surprised if living with a DDJ could aggravate PTSD. I think that PTSD, by itself, lowers your resistance, kwim? So then, this is all being thrown out you, you can't deal, and everything gets worse.

Someone here recommended that I try some therapy - could you do that? My hubby isn't technically DDJ, but he has been in the past. It was complete hell and split us up for awhile. In the end, though, that break was exactly what we needed.

Thanks for the reply, I am deff getting counseling. I need it. It just burns me up inside to know that I have worked so hard on myself, and now I'm more "wacked" out than I ever was. I know it's an illness, and he needs help. The problem is I don't think I can help him if his issues make my issues worse. Catch my drift?

I am afraid though... I think if I leave he will stalk me, but if I stay I might lose it for real. FOR REAL, FOR REAL. So, I feel totally hopeless, and afraid of him, of myself, of us, and of the whole situation.

Oh, and I have a heck of alot of guilt for even thinking of leaving him b/c it is an illness. I have an illness.
It's like the blind leading the blind, only one of them dosn't know they are blind, and they SAW the you with another man!

Sorry I had to make a joke or I'll start crying.

thanks

This post is really a request for information. Were either of you successful in getting your respective spouses to recognize the true problem and seek appropriate treatment?
I'm going through a similar issue with my wife, but does not relate to suspected infidelity, but to a generalized persecution delusion. She doesn't see the source of the problem. Worse still, she has found several support groups of fellow travelers. These people tell similar stories, reinforcing her belief system. These are other people who believe they are being gang-stalked, followed, scrutinized and even attacked by devices I'm sure not even the Department of Defense has knowledge of, such as Directed Energy Weapons. Thankfully, she has not complained of any such attacks herself.
So, can either of you tell me if you managed to get your spouses into treatment ...and if so, how?
Also, what does DDJ stand for, Delusional Disorder Jealousy?

Oh, sweetie. I think that as long as you're physically safe, you should stay put until after you have a few therapy sessions under your belt. Maybe seeing you get help will spur him to do the same, or maybe your therapist will say get the hell out...who knows? But I know you're completely twisted up inside, so I'd try to work on you for a month or so before making any huge decisions.

Of course, that's just my two cents - feel free to ignore me.

Trouble posting!!!

Thank God for this forum!!!!! After my experiences with my ex DDJ,(read my previous posts), I firmly believe it causes PTSD. It's almost like being a POW. I've experienced all that's in your post and then some. He would wait until I was sound asleep, turn the lights on in the middle of the night and start the interrogations or sometimes I'd turn in my sleep and he'd be awake just staring at me.Genital examinations with a flashlight, sniffing, me becoming angry and unresponsive sexually after being totally humiliated, asking me to engage in sexual practices that I was uncomfortable with as punishment. Then after getting little sleep, going to work and dealing with a classroom full of undisciplined children. Music is my passion and helps me to relax. My late father had an extensive jazz collection and I listened to that genre as a little girl. After going through so much stress and tension, I decided to purchase some jazz CDs to create a peaceful atmosphere and help me cope. What did I do that for?! He started questioning me about that and then came to the grand conclusion that my "boyfriend" must like that kind of music. BTW he used to "see" me talking to this supposed boyfriend on the phone while he was getting ready for work. Acquaintances would look at me rather strangely and ask me if everything was alright. I would say "Oh, I'm OK." I wasn't. I had no idea how stressed I looked until I loked at some photos of myself that my brother had taken at the last time we celebrated Dad's birthday. Finally, I decided to see a therapist. That helped a little, then he suggested I take medication because I couldn't sleep. I prayed instead anf God saw and continues to see me through. Please take care of yourself. This illness has the potential to cause you to lose YOUR sanity if you're not careful. Even though I knew the accusations he made against me were untrue, I started to question myself!! Lastly, I agree with your last satements. It seems like he's moved on and has gotten off "scott free" living with his evil mother, while I continue to suffer the aftermath of divorce and trying to keep what's left of our family intact. His co-workers look at me as if I'm a tramp. I guess they believe everything he's said about me. God willing, the truth will come to light one day and I'll be vindicated. He's the type that comes off as "Mr. Can Do No Wrong". He is very adept at hiding his true self. I sometimes wonder if other people see through him. Thanks for letting me vent!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks guys,
I'm so frazzeled! aggghh... Thank God for this place, and understanding people like you all. I have found three, or four potential therapy offices in my area that use the sliding scale method of payment. I'm out of work because my husband ruined my job. He swears I was sleeping with everyone, so of course it's my fault. My self esteem has been returning for a couple of weeks now. I'm coming out of the fog... yeahhh! I am still confused as all heck, as far as the marriage surviving or not. He has promised to go to marriage counseling when he gets out of custody from ICE. I miss him, but I've enjoyed this break so far. He won't be back for five more weeks. I am going to use this time to start my therapy.

Just curious... has anyone ever asked there spouse how they would feel if they were always being accused of doing something bad day in and day out when they knew they hadn't.

The only reason I'm asking is because I did that... He couldn't even begin to imagine how that would feel. He couldn't put himself in that situation. He was absolutely was not capiable of imagining how it would feel. Does that mean he has no empathy, or do you think he was just "playing the part".

He said things like I wouldn't feel anything. That wouldn't happen. Impossible. This is stupid. Why would you ask that? I could go on, but I think you get the point.

luvsfirstgrade... We should talk sometime. (but I don't know how)

Thank you everybody God Bless!!

ponicrows wrote:...

Oh, and I have a heck of alot of guilt for even thinking of leaving him b/c it is an illness....

Preach it, sister! I'm dealing with this myself right now. I'm about to move out of our house in the next month or so, and formally initiate divorce proceedings. I keep wondering what my wife's parents (who have always been very good to me) are going to think about me abandoning their daughter when she is through no fault of her own so cut off from reality. But at least in my case I need to preserve my own sanity...we have a nine year old son and I have to make sure at least one of us is available to help him.

...

It's like the blind leading the blind, only one of them dosn't know they are blind, and they SAW the you with another man!

Sorry I had to make a joke or I'll start crying.

...

It's certainly OK to make jokes here, and I got a good chuckle out of it. Thanks!