Glad I found this forum

I've been learning so much.

I have a friend I believe to be suffering from DD - persecution. Just so happens the one she is fixated on is ME. (Thus the user name!) Looking back I see she also seems to suffer from grandiose - she is always talking about how important she and her husband are (and back in the day when we were friends I heard some whoppers!)

We were good friends, and then I asked her to work on a project with me. During the project she slowly started taking over and then avoiding me. I found out later that she told all sorts of lies about me - I was going through her stuff, stalking her, tried to kill her..... you know the drill. At first I thought she was just being over-dramatic. But then the word "delusional" came to me and I found this forum. I feel like I'm reading about her and her relationships with people right here!!!

And she still wants to be friends! She wants us all to get together so I can see the error of my ways and stop harassing her. Huh?

So, here's the rub. I've lost several friends and might lose more because no one sees her as "crazy" - they just think she doesn't like me. How do the people being victimized by the persecution deal with the effects of this person's mental illness? Anything I say to defend myself just sounds like I'm playing into her hands. I worry every day what she's going to do next - now I'M paranoid! How does the DD manage to do that - turn the sane people crazy?

She seems to be in the early stages - although her delusions are out there, they aren't waaaaaay out, know what I mean? I've talked to my husband about possibly talking to her husband to get her some help, but her hubby is all "I know, I know, it'll be okay" - the whole "walking on eggshells bit that I've read about here.

I figure I'm in a different place than most who have been posting here because I am not a relative or a significant other. I'm just the victim. But I don't want to be - but I guess I will be until someone better comes along.

So what do I do? Lay low until she fixates on someone else? Will she? I know she's done this in the past to another couple. I hate sitting here waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Is the nature of your relationship with this person such that you can drop her, ie just try to get her out of your life? Or do you work together? Is the shared project business or school or other?

Just out of curiosity roughly how old is this woman?

Going on my experience with my wife (she had two separate episodes where she exhibited symptoms of persecutory and grandiose delusions, and lately has shown classic DD jealous symptoms) I would cautiously say it is possible this person will move onto someone else with her fixation.

One of the things that puzzled me about my wife is that even when the delusions were deeply entrenched she had little inclination to DO anything about them, for example she only once or twice attempted to confront any of the army of her imagined persecutors, and she never tried to go to the police or anything although she tallked about it. Sitting around the house complaining seemed to be about all she could manage. The cast of people she imagined was persecuting her was constantly changing (it got bigger). When new people were added older ones seemed to be forgotten.

I think many of us are very familiar with the experience of the other person's DD behavior seeming to make US paranoid. My wife started going through my cell phone and other records to try to get information on what she called 'The Intervention', that forced me to stop using the cell phone, I had to change my computer passwords, etc. Very strange phenomena.

There's not much you can do. As you probably noticed from reading the forum, you're in a no-win situation. As much as possible, just try to go about your life as normal & treat her as normally as possible. Eventually, she will either move on to someone else, stop talking to you, or deteriorate to the point her illness is obvious to all who know her.

Sorry this has happened to your friendship.

Thank you for your replies.

No, it would be really hard to cut her out of our lives. I have been avoiding her but hubbies and children are still friends. It would be sad for the kids to have to stop playing together, so I just send nubby along. We also have other mutual friends. Some believe her, some don't.

The project was just volunteer work. I have other stuff I'm involved with. I thought she would be happier controlling the project by herself so I stepped out and made excuses. I was trying to keep things friendly.

I really miss the "old" her. Our families vacationed together and got along very well. She's almost 40 and recently lost her
Mother. I noticed some of this began around the one year anniversary of her mother's passing. Maybe the stress had something to do with it. Btw - she also suffers from migraines. I know another poster mentioned the possibility of a link.

I figured I was in a no-win situation. I'm always hoping she would realize she's over-reacting and we could be friends again, but I think at this point I just need to watch out for myself and pray that her hubby is able to get her some help.

Thanks again.

LuckyMe wrote:...

The project was just volunteer work. I have other stuff I'm involved with. I thought she would be happier controlling the project by herself so I stepped out and made excuses. I was trying to keep things friendly.

This is probably the best way to have handled this.

I really miss the "old" her. Our families vacationed together and got along very well. She's almost 40 and recently lost her
Mother. I noticed some of this began around the one year anniversary of her mother's passing. Maybe the stress had something to do with it. Btw - she also suffers from migraines. I know another poster mentioned the possibility of a link.

She is at a typical age for onset of DD and supposedly stress can be a trigger. I get migraines myself but I don't THINK I'm delusional

I figured I was in a no-win situation. I'm always hoping she would realize she's over-reacting and we could be friends again, but I think at this point I just need to watch out for myself and pray that her hubby is able to get her some help.

Thanks again.

Again, this sounds like the best possible way to handle this. You may never be friends again however. It sounds like nothing is going to change for her at least until her husband gets a clue (and maybe not even then).