Just Tears....

ADDING A NOTE HERE: My story starts in "I Got DDJ (You) Babe". I didn't realize I had begun in one place and moved to another.

Okay, my worst fear has come true. Every time my guy leaves, I wait, and he comes back. I am always afraid he will finally not come back. He is not a cheater, so I don't have to worry about that, and as long as he's in the woods (where he goes when he leaves), we still always have hope. However, I knew that if he ever hooked up with someone else, then he was done with me for good. In other words, he would never feel right asking someone else out unless he felt that we were over. Anyway, 2 hours ago, I found out he gave a woman his phone number. He has never done this before. And I am crushed because I know what this means. Yes, I was holding out hope that he would one more time find it in himself to come home. It's especially painful because last year on New Years, we were at a party having the time of our lives. What makes me the maddest is that the reason he left was he was convinced that I was on a DVD (of his show!) flirting and talking to some guy. I was there, but I NEVER talked to any guy. He showed his sister the DVD and she told him flat out that there was nobody where he was pointing to. Only shadows. The reason he left isn't EVEN TRUE. I'm so upset right now, I'm sure I'm babbling. Ah, but you all know how this works. I tell you nothing new.

((((((((Bri)))))))) I hope everything will be ok with your guy. How are you?

Thanks for asking!! I am devastated. Through all this crap, it has been hard. Really hard. The terrible accusations, the fights, him leaving, living without him while he's gone. What kept me going was he was always able to say sorry, that he loved me, and he always came back home eventually. That's what made the days bearable when he was gone. This time that he's left, I haven't heart a word from him. This is not like him. I've been very worried. But since he's up in the woods hunting, I've let it go. Finding out last night that he gave his number to a woman is heartbreaking. Not just because it always hurts when our man gives another woman attention, but because of what it means. He would not have done it unless he was done. He is done coming home to me. So, now it's like I have to go through a whole other process of letting go. I was soooo sure he would come home like always and now I know he's not. It takes my breath away. I love him so much and we've been through so much. How do you just let go of someone you love, yet I know that's all I got now. I have cried all night over this.

Wait until you can talk to him again, and then see what you have to do. If you won't be together any more, you'll get through that just like you've gotten through the other stuff. It will get easier after a while. Maybe it'd be better this way, since this relationship is causing you a lot of pain.

Posting again cuz I'm having a moment here. I can't decide if I should tell him I know about this, and now that I know where I stand with him, I'm can no longer stand by him, OR...just leave it alone and fade away. I want to confront him, yet I say to myself, if it's over...then it's over. Why put yourself through one more emotionally painful event with him. Talking would give him the opportunity to say more hurtful things, adding pain onto pain. I probably should just leave it alone. Gee, why do I feel like I'M THE ONE with mental problems?? I'm overwhelmed, shocked, hurt, angry, sad, frustrated, depressed, anxious, have insomnia, and have lost a good 25 lbs this past year. Crap, this is hard.

Maybe just a few words from him telling you it's over would be helpful if you weren't sure, but if you're sure, do what feels comfortable to you. Everything that you've been through has made you feel like you have mental problems, but you can get better. You will start a new life.

I've been thinking about what you said. About asking him. I don't think he'll talk to me, as he did not respond to my email on Christmas, or answer his phone the one time I tried to call. It appears I have no choice except to "get over it." As I typed this, I decided to try one more time. He did not answer. So there it is. Thanks for posting...it is reallly lonely right now.

Hi, Bri! You are not alone. You did your best and you have to move on now. I think you'll have a better chance to be happy this way. It's very cruel of him to ignore you like you feelings don't matter. He doesn't deserve all your concern.

You're right, so I don't know why I think I need one more thing from him for closure, but I do. I guess I need him to say "go away." I have no idea why, as I should be able to "go away" without being told. I've tried one last thing - writing him a mail. It wasn't long or dramatic. I didn't confront him about what I know. I just simply said, (1) this is hard; (2) I'm confused as to where I stand since you're not speaking to me; and (3) flat asked him "Do you want me to go away?" I don't see how much simpler that can be??? I guess if he ignores that too, I will be no better off, so I don't know what the point was. I guess when a man tells you (sick or not) that they love you and don't want to lose you, it's hard to believe he's done only 4 weeks later. How do you stop loving someone in 4 weeks?

This might have to do with his illness and we can't really understand it. If he doesn't reply, you'll know, I guess. It's normal to need him to tell you it's over for closure. Could you go look for him? It's ok if you don't want to or don't feel like you could do it.