by Bri » Sat Jan 24, 2009 3:10 am
Sunny:
I could be WAY out of line here, as I'm not a doctor, so forgive me if I am. It's just my opinion.
Reading between the lines regarding your doctor, I'm assuming his inappropriate conduct was of a sexual nature. Wanted or unwanted, sexual touch causes the body to have a chemical reaction. Though your mind may not be on board, your body still wants to respond. In cases of UN-wanted sexual stimulation, there is quite a bit of psychological distress because your mind and body are not in sync. There is guilt about your body responding when you didn't want it to. This distress often happens with children who are victims of sexual abuse (because while their minds are afraid and repulsed, their bodies respond to the stimulation, which then causes guilt). The chemicals released cause what is known as "imprinting", where the experience becomes "imprinted" on the mind. This is why your memory of the experience is SO vivid no matter how long ago it happened, whereas what you did last week may not be so memorable. The same is true with frightening experiences, where adrenaline is released. Adding to that, any RECALL of those events will trigger the same chemical reaction. All this is to say that the doctor experience, if it was of a sexual nature, caused your body to release chemicals, which then caused a vivid imprint. Every time you recall this event, your body releases chemicals (rushing feeling). Your body is responding to the memory of the stimulation even though your mind says it was a "bad" thing.
I'm torn about my advice to you, as I don't want to go against what your doctor says or what other people in this forum have advised you. I can only speak from my own experience. Normally, I would agree with Chucky on dismissing bad thoughts immediately as a way to be rid them. The thinking being you do NOT want them to get a foothold in the mind. However, because of the chemical release associated with sexual experience memory, it ALREADY has a foothold. We need to get rid of it. In my experience, the only way to DE-sensitize a chemical reaction memory is to hash it out over and over until it loses its power. It's the same dynamic present in addictions (only in this case it's useful), where people need more and more to get the same rush, as the original dose is no longer enough. You want to wear out the doctor image, so it no longer gives a rush, where it becomes boring. I have done this by talking to a trusted friend who understands I need to repeat myself, writing LOTS about the event (personal diary), sketching pictures of the event, back to talking, then writing again...and again...until it is bland and boring.
Only you know what is right for you. I do want to say that I do not have a delusional disorder, so I may be giving you the worst advice ever. What works for most people may not be the right thing for you. Let Chucky and peace2u come back and respond or counterpoint my post before you make any decisions. Hope this helps.....