therapeutic writing

Hey Sunnyg, nice to hear from you again. My only guess as to why you are thinking about your delusions once more is because they are no longer frightening/stressful for you. What I mean is, you are now able to freely think about them without becoming anxious. Before, when you thought about them, you perhapsbecame anxious and could not completely consider what the delusions were about.

I sometimes recall things from my past too - things that I would have been afraid to think about as they actually happened. Know what I mean?

s

Hi,

I cannot answer your last question because I have never experience Delusional Disorder. However, I believe that the idea of him holds so much power because he was on your thoughts a lot during your most stressful and anxious moments in life. When we are stressed and anxious, whatever we are thinking about becomes 'etched' into our brain and these memories are therefore very strong. Like, some things that I encounter will remind me of a past experience with my ex-girlfriend where she overdosed and I had to save her life. When I think about this, I suddenly stop whatever I'm doing and drift-off into my own world for a moment to think about it.

I think I am embarassed of what happened. I wonder if my delusions had been different and if I hadn't emailled the physician in the state of erotomania... what would it be like? Would I worry about the regrets? I wish I could be one of those people who lives their life with "No Regrets". I sadly am not one of those people.

I cannot answer these questions either but I will say this: You must try to gain control over your own actions to prevent regretful situations arising. There are times when we can feel in complete lack of control over things but, if we take things slowly, we can regain it.

I am no expert on anything I talk about, Sunnyg, but I do enjoy talking to you all the same.

Kevin

s

Hi Sunny,

Happy New Year, by the way! It's 9:20PM here so there are just under 3 hours until midnight. Anyway, I manage to stay in control by simply remembering to do it. I recognise that when I am in a state of panic/stress/anxiety, I am also in a state of 'uncontrol'. So, I have simply conditioned myself to remember to remain in control whenever a stressful situation arises. If this does not make sense to you, then please say so and I will explain it further.

I know it's tough, Sunny, but I am your friend here and will always try to help you. I may live far away, but we are connected through a whole bunch of computers and wires called the Internet

My ex-girlfriend overdosed because, for one, she is bipolar, but she was also raped in the past and sometimes the memories came back to haunt her. She apparently took 80+ tablets of something and then rang me to say what she did and was soon going to die. I simply hung up the phone and called an ambulance immediately to go to her house and take her away. You see, we lived about a 90 minute drive from each other. Her sister and parents later thanked me for 'saving her life', and so did she herself.

Take care Sunny,
kevin

s

Thanks Sunny. You will never be alone so long as you know me. I will not be disappearing anywhere. Do not feel too guilty about the food that you eat and drink that you drink. Champagne can be very nice, after all! I have only tried it once, but it was lovely and sparkling. On this note of food, I manage to control what I eat by simply enjoying saying 'no' to people who offer me sweets (candy) and other 'bad' foods. Everyone then thinks of me as this super-healthy guy. In reality, I'm not though, because I am bulimic and allow myself to lose complete control on certain days.

Just slow things down in your life and don't rush into anything without first thinking about it. This approach could help you gain control.

Kevin

s

Sunny,

I hope you'll be able to put this aside at least for a while and enjoy your daughter's birthday.

You know, fact that you became delusional and that your birth experience was related to your delusional content does not mean that it is not something that was genuinely traumatic for you. I also ruminated over my first son's birth for several years since it was rather traumatic experience. I didn't have to question the reality of what happened the way you do, but I was thoroughly disgusted by the way I was treated. I was lucky enough that my second birth went great and that's what helped me to finally deal with that experience and put it behind me.

Don't beat yourself over the "truth" of appropriateness. In my opinion, your feelings about that are valid - barring an absolute emergency it is not too much to ask for permission before an exam. Unfortunately, in a climate where physician is usually sued for *not* doing something, permission may be taken for granted.

s