therapeutic writing

Thanks for reading:) Hopefully someday I'll publish my book.

Sunny

The book project is through most of the editorial development stage. I sent my story to an aunt who is really active in NAMI and my dad's wife. Both of which are supportive of my project, but I'm a little nervous that there is too much information about my sex life in the book...

But what else does someone with delusional disorder (with a central theme of erotomania) focus on in a fictionalized memoir, but their personal erotic experience... Also, I'm in the process of naming the book. I decided I don't want to go the traditional publishing route. I'm waiting to hear from my attorney her thoughts on publishing in the short term versus waiting until my daughter is older. Sorta depends on her advice.

Sunny

That's awesome! The whole world benefits from every book written. Exploring your own life experiences in fiction is not only incredibly therapeutic, but it also leads to the best books. You would be surprised at how many people will identify with your experience.

I used to fictionalize my experiences all the time because it allowed me an outlet for my psychosis while framing it as metaphor. This cunning move prevented too much scrutiny about where these ideas were coming from.

Getting the words on paper forces me to process all my thoughts through the logical parts of my brain so that I can string them out in sequence. That exposes them to my own scrutiny and critical examination, and that allows me to identify them as delusions. Nobody else even has to read it for this to happen!

It's like when you're tutoring somebody -- it teaches you more about the subject than you ever learned in school yourself.

Anyway, welcome to the Writer's Guild!

Thanks, Sixprime.

Waiting to hear peoples reaction is the hardest part. But the more people I've let read the story, the better the waiting goes for me. I'm at a place where I feel good about the story, and know that however people respond is more a function of where they are coming from and what baggage of their own they bring to the reading of my story. It has been almost ten years since my first symptoms of psychosis began during my pregnancy with my daughter. As I've learned to share my story, I've learned that peoples responses vary from amazingly supportive to stigmatizing and shaming. I've learned that it isn't me who is broken though, it is the listener who doesn't know how to respond. I mean, I've done my work, I'm in recovery. I don't have active psychosis when I take medication, and I'm not a threat to myself or to others. And I've been good for years (as long as I remember to take my medication). If people are afraid of me or whatever, it is really their own issue of ignorance they are afraid of.

I guess now I'm asking my trusted advisers (aunt, step mom) if they think the benefits outweigh the risk of publishing. I worry about my daughter's response to my story. I mean if it is published, she knows how to read, but then again, I have copies laying around the house now. She could have read parts already in theory, but I don't think she has.

I think the risk of her friends finding and reading the book is low. Plus, with it being "fiction" based on a true story, I have some freedom.

The real problem is that one cannot un-publish their work. If I find that putting my story out there causes me or my family more harm than it benefits others, I will regret publishing. I don't want to regret something that is this big of a part of my life.

Can you publish it under a pseudonym? Most publishers allow this.

I have weird crazy stuff going on in my head all the time, but this is where all of my ideas come from. My partner told me once, "Face it, you have a third eye and you have to pay the price for it." I love that guy.

I love the quote about the third eye! I've considered using a pseudonym. Still trying to figure that out. Thanks for the suggestion!

It really does feel like that sometimes, and I'm not into that kind of thing. I can totally see how people would interpret it that way, especially once it starts merging with the Everything. If I'm going to pay the price, at least I get to see the show, and what an incredible show it is, and what a privilege that I get cable while everyone has to make do with rabbit ears.

BTW, love your avatar. It reminds me of an Enya album cover. Most people don't realize that my avatar is not a computer's dream, but a photograph of a real living thing.

"My avatar depicts the story of persephone.

In Greek mythology Persephone, goddess of the soul, is the possessor of its dark and frightening wisdom. But the goddess Persephone is also the harbinger of spring . . . and a reminder of all the growth and hope that it brings."

... I like to remind people that there is hope for people diagnosed with this condition to lead better more mindful lives in recovery. Hence, the photo of Persephone.

ps The book was accepted for publication, but I'm not sure if I should publish. I'm conflicted. Although a colleague said this about the story:

"What a vivid and riveting central image: the explosion of orgiastic feeling concomitant with childbirth --- physicality that leads to a mental split between real and delusion to become an obsession that is almost like a religious stigmata.

For the reader, the protagonist becomes lovable in her tenacious struggle. Thus she fulfills her longing for her voice to be heard and to be loved for who she is and for her story.

The precision of the description of her delusional states is very helpful, whether for a reader wanting to learn or a reader wanting to empathize.

Thanks for sharing this remarkable testimony."

(I had to look up what a religious stigmata is. who knew?)

Sunny

I would publish it...but thats just me. I think that if you have a gift for writing, it should be brought to life, just like with any type of art. Just listen to your instinct, and maybe not your fears?

Thanks, Im-pure.

I appreciate the support of my art. Since it is "fiction" and written with a pen name, I'm not sure if it is such a bad thing to publish. I mean it is a story I want to tell. It makes me feel healing to let go of it.

Sunny